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PaperclipPerfector  7mo ago (text post)   1904 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for October 1, 2023

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Okay, I'm in a tricky spot.

I made a group for a niche'ish hobby and got like 20+ members. However, I wanted the group to actually not die and serve as a place to socialize so I made sure the m:f ratio was no worse than 60:40. (Simply don't let all the guys in, dick move I know.)

Anyway, had the first meetup. Everyone was "okay" other than this 1 guy. This guy gave me the heeby jeebies. Had 0 charisma, made the lamest jokes, and just ruined the vibes all around (oh he also keeps on flirting with all the females, and fails at it really badly). I'm not being judgemental or biased here, he looks normal physically, but his personality is just off.

Now I get it, you make a group for randoms to join, you will get oddballs. I mean they are joining random groups online for a reason. But seriously, fuck this guy, I don't want him in my group. He is a ticking time bomb. He brings down the average status of our group himself single-handedly.

I would just... kick him. But that might make me a pariah with the rest of the group who are not wise enough to see that this mf will literally make things marginally awkward enough over the long term that the entire enterprise dies.

What to do?

“Hi guys! Remaking the group with this new chat because unfortunately we’ve heard something that made us take this decision for community safety + trust reasons. Next month’s meet up is __. Before reaching out to invite someone not in this chat, please let me know so I can make sure everyone’s comfortable.”

I'm just gonna kick him

lmao

I've also seen this done where there is a public group to initially recruit members and a private group that exists to invite selected members to. The public group can stay active but just not schedule any further events until there is a need to grow the private group again. The reason given for starting the private group can be something like I'm not comfortable with how big the public events have gotten and I need a mechanism to limit attendance.

Man, this type of shit is the worst. It's why I don't host local groups anymore. Just kick him if you have the authority the autists will ruin your damn group quicker than you think.

Any experiences/stories to share?

Mainly just autistic rationalists hitting on women in front of a whole group in really cringey ways, totally oblivious. Said women never come back of course. Try to talk to them about it and they deny it ever happened.

Then of course having trans or 'non-binary' folk show up to another meetup and start talking every time about how reality is socially constructed. Going to space doesn't matter because if we focus on social reality we have everything we need on Earth, etc.

Oh and this one time a homeless girl showed up and I think she was subtly trying to find places to stay? Anyway. You run into some weird types running a group.

Since you are already cultivating the group I would just kick him. If he is going to ruin it anyway then kicking him early has no downsides, since you will either have no group (if people are upset) or a much better group in the future.

I suppose you could give him one more chance or speak to him privately about his behavior if you are feeling charitable. But it is usually better to cut your losses early.

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