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PaperclipPerfector  7mo ago (text post)   1533 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for October 11, 2023

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

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Does anyone have experience with "fear of childbirth"?

I've met several women in the last few years who have indicated that they don't intend to have children, and have cited this as the primary reason why - a dread of the actual physical process of childbearing and giving birth. This isn't something I remember hearing or reading about prior to the last few years. Is this an emergent phenomenon, or one which is increasing? Or is it just one which was never inside my bubble? Is it transient, or treatable? Do women commonly try to cure or overcome it, or is it perhaps a cover for other reasons?

I don't mean this question judgmentally. Everyone has the right to use their body as they think best. Just trying to gain insight.

My girlfriend is pretty sanguine about it, but then she has wide hips and intends to be as drugged as they'll let her be.

The women in my family have narrow hips so they all had/are having ceasarians, and none of them seem to be worried about that.

Frankly I'm more surprised that more women aren't frightened of childbirth, everything I've heard about it makes it seem incredibly unpleasant.

My wife didn't have it before the childbirth, but has it now. As she puts it, it hurts, you can't stop it, the doc won't even let you die.

That was how my wife felt. We would always fast forward through birth scenes in movies because it freaked her out so much. After she had our kid she said it wasn't nearly as bad as she expected. I think one problem is that the media shows a lot of screaming and pain and I had always thought it was like that for 20 straight hours or however long it took, but it was really just the final hour or two that got that intense.

One thing I noticed in my friend group is that a lot of people have 0 or 1 sibling, so they really don't have any memories of pregnancy or infants. I think that's one reason they find birth and parenting scary.

Well, middle class Indians usually opt for c-sections, which while not strictly optimal if you look very closely at outcomes versus normal deliveries, is close enough to merit a shrug.

Certainly keeps the gynos employed, and I've observed enough of the latter that I think c-secs are far less annoying or painful, even if you opt for an epidural.

Then again, I haven't had anything close to a vagina barring a few weeks of embryonic development, so I don't claim particular expertise.

and I've observed enough of the latter that I think c-secs are far less annoying or painful, even if you opt for an epidural.

Except with a c-section the woman is not back to normal for many weeks, as they have to cut through her skin and muscle to get at the uterus, and that has to heal. Meanwhile if all goes well with vaginal birth, the woman can be almost completely back to normal and fully active in a matter of days.

Also, with every c-section scar tissue builds up, which inhibits future pregnancies, meaning if you want to have more than 2 or 3 kids, intentionally scheduling a c-section is a bad idea.

Hey, you're a doctor, and I've been wondering about a related topic: I was born via c-section myself. And, my mom is a very small lady. Do these things correlate? Is birth actually easier for taller women? Intuitively it seems like it would be, but I don't truly know.

It largely depends on the width of the pelvic outlet, so on whether the tall woman is Amazonian versus a curvaceous petite one.

I don't think the difference is particularly notable in either case.

I certainly do; right after my last child was born. My wife was unconscious and not in the maternity room, but when I read that the emergency life-saving procedures she was undergoing still had about a 1% failure (i.e. death) rate I was more afraid than I've ever been.

one which is increasing

The fear seems to be increasing even as the risk decreases. Today the maternal mortality rate is 1/10000 for most people and a spike up to 1/100 is a rare emergency "crash cart" situation. The death rate from childbirth used to be around 1/100 for everyone, and somehow humanity just put up with that. My wife totally would have; she's much braver than me. Before the incident we'd already decided on permanent contraception to stop at three kids; she now regrets not rolling the dice for a fourth.

I had this since I was a little girl. I don't think there's anything terribly strange about it; childbirth is an extremely painful and scary process. I don' t know that it was the main reason I didn't want to have children, but it was in the mix. When I decided I did want to have a child, it was because the pro reasons finally outweighed the cons.

I ended up having a natural birth. It was traumatic but I got through, though I wasn't interested in doing it again. A few months later, a friend of mine died in childbirth. Like I said, this shit is scary and it's pretty reasonable to be afraid of it.

Like I said, this shit is scary and it's pretty reasonable to be afraid of it.

It very well might be scary, but if you're numerically literate you shouldn't be afraid, not particularly so at least.

And for anyone scared of natural deliveries, just go for a c-sec, assuming you can afford the expense. Let's hope artifical wombs come online in time to matter, so we can skip the moderate incapacitation of a woman for a good chunk of a year pregnancy represents.

It's funny - there are many women who are offended by the very idea of artificial wombs, to the point where I think it's a minority position to be ok with them. I have a hard time understanding that.

Well, I'm an ardent transhumanist, and a lack of vocal support for that position from the teeming masses confirms my suspicions that I'm not psychologically normal, without the usual connotations of that word.

There are plenty of IVF babies conceived from baby batter in a petridish, wouldn't it be easier on them not to force them to get evicted in the first place?

Then again, people are vain, and if the process is primarily advocated as a solution to stretch marks from pregnancy, it can capture some of the colossal cosmetics budget.

Do you think there was any particular incident that originated that fear? Not that there necessarily need be one. I'm claustrophobic and I don't remember ever being shut up anywhere. And yeah, both being shut up in close places and giving birth have real dangers associated with them.

Thanks for sharing your experience. Interesting to think that many mothers are consciously electing to push through/past a fear of the process.

Nope, just a general dislike of pain! Seriously, that pain is so bad I thought I was going to die and I wanted to die. It's bad, man.

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