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PaperclipPerfector
1d ago
(text post)
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Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.
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I'm thinking of biting the bullet on plastic surgery. I've always had chubby cheeks, without that much definition even when I was 10 kilos lighter, and buccal fat removal was something I'd been eyeing for years. I just didn't really have the money or the impetus to go for it back then.
I had an appointment with a reputable plastic surgeon today, and started off with a debate on whether he could exclude body dysmorphia in my case lol. I explained that in a psychiatric context, didn't any degree of dissatisfaction with one's physical appearance that involved attempts to modify it count? Why doesn't going to the gym or dieting to lose weight count? Besides, you'd need to have significant impairment in psychosocial functioning to warrant it. The DSM-5 includes, under BDD:*
While the roundness of one's face is a subjective thing, it's certainly not non-observable.
At any rate, he pretty successfully upsold me, explaining that I had hypertrophic masseters, which would make mere buccal fat removal not have very significant effects on the overall contour of the face. He also explained that instead of discarding buccal fat, as is the norm, he finds benefit from it being re-injected below the eyes and on the chin. To help tone down the masseters further, he suggested botox. I'm not particularly keen on semi-annual injections into my face, but I think it's worth a shot.
Anyone undergo anything similar?
*If it's unclear, he was taking the piss. I don't have body dysmorphia, it's a high bar to cross.
I honestly think self esteem is a choice. Who cares what other people think? Only you can decide to feel inferior. As a man, who you are, what you do, and thirdly what you believe matters more. If you already have high educational attainment and social status, why do you care about how others perceive you? Seems like a hedonistic treadmill effect. Maybe this is the key to your everlasting happiness, but I doubt it.
In a vacuum? Who gives a shit?
When I'm trying to attract women, and looking to settle down and marry before the decade is out? Then what other people think of you matters.
While it's polite to underplay how much of a difference being attractive makes in real life, that's somewhere between cope and an attempt to make people feel better about themselves. I have a handsome younger brother. I'm facially average, but thankfully I'm tall. Even if love him, I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy at how trivially he could have just about any woman he wants. When it turned out that he's borderline asexual, all I could do is groan at the waste. Some people need to hustle for a meal, others are just taking up space at a buffet table and not even trying the appetizers.
I think my self-esteem is at a reasonable place. I've got plenty to be proud about. Yet self-esteem is far from the only thing that matters. Someone with schizophrenia, bipolar during mania, or other personality disorders, might well have great self-esteem while their life falls apart.
I'm not doing this to be ensure everlasting happiness. I'm doing this to be more attractive, primarily for the purposes of being more appealing to the opposite sex. That bit is durable, even if my happy afterglow fades.
It's your right to decide whether you do this thing or not. But this is a terrible reason because it just isn't true. Lots and lots of people (the vast majority, in fact) attract a mate without resorting to cosmetic surgery. You, yourself, have said you've had reasonable success with women. In other words, this sort of thing is not needed. Getting some face fat removed from you is simply not going to matter to your ability to get married before the decade is out.
I have very high standards for the quality of partner I would marry and entrust to give half their genes to our kids. By virtue of being more attractive, I have a wider pool to work with, and can winnow them with more care. To the extent that hot, smart and successful women demand the same in their partners, I can only work towards making myself better at them all. I wouldn't want to marry a bimbo, what if the kids come out with my looks and her brains?
In other words, I can pretty easily find someone to marry. I could do it tomorrow, my family has had feelers put out by Indian families, here and in the UK, who would put a ring on it. Even by dint of my own efforts, I think about 20% of the women I dated over 3 months (before going steady with one) wanted to marry me, and were serious about it. One of them was a very hot, rich professional model, but she was dumb as rocks. She begged me to stay back in India and marry her. I turned that down. I could probably have taken advantage of her, screwed her and fled like her exes did, but I try not to be an asshole.
I hope that makes my point clear. Investing in my appearance (and I've worked on everything else) by getting work done and working out increases my appeal on the dating market - - - > increases pool of women to sleep with/marry - - - > increases the odds of finding the One. I'm not worried about getting married, that's trivial, I want to marry someone who makes me feel great about that choice.
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