The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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I'm looking for advice on how to fake being a football fan.
I call myself a fan of Arsenal because, when I played Fifa 2001, I'd end up picking them because I thought the cannon on their flag looked sick. I'm reliably told that they peaked right about then, and I've had decent mileage telling people I stan Arsenal because then they give me pitying looks and don't ask followup questions.
Courtesy of drinking at Scottish pubs, I feel at risk of more detailed grilling, and I want to get better adaptive camouflage. So far, I've come up with:
"What was the coach even thinking?" and "They keep trying to walk it in this year", but I'd appreciate more personalized advice to shake the trail.
If you're trying to put more detail into defusing and avoiding the conversation while seeming normal, for nearly every sport you can nearly always say something along the lines of "I used to LOVE it when I was a kid, but nowadays I just can't stand the [foreign or billionaire money/social media/diva players/lack of loyalty/lost spirit of the gameall of the above] so I don't really watch it like I used to." The purity play will actually position you as more of a football fan than your interlocutor: you love the real game not the spectacle of today, like refusing to go to a novus ordo mass positions you as more Catholic than the pope.
If you're trying to fake actually watching sports for networking or social purposes, I recommend the SbNation network of blogs, they do all the American sports and most of the big European teams. Each blog is independent, run by fans, but in general they're pretty decent in quality. Arsenal is here, I can't certify quality as they're all fan-run and the blog varies by team. I follow the SbNation blogs of the teams I follow pretty religiously, and they will both give daily/weekly news summaries and game recaps, that will take you five or ten minutes to follow daily and fifteen or twenty to summarize weekly. With that knowledge, you can hang in a conversation with any fan for as long as they want to talk.
Hey, I might not be a Real Fan™, but even I know about the whole Qatari stadium thing that Gooners moan about! Unfortunately that's an issue more than 2 decades old now, so I'm not sure how seriously people will take me if I complain about how things have been since I was less than 10.
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There's also "Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"
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Excellent choice fellow gooner. You picked a good time to be an arsenal fan - the bad years are over, we have an exciting young team full of likeable characters, but we haven't won anything big yet despite finishing second three years in a row and whipping Real Madrid in the Champions League, so you're not a glory hound. If you want to learn more about the team, the subreddit is fine, there's also arseblog.com (best arsenal news/commentary site, they do reports and player ratings after each match which will give you a good sense of how to talk about it).
I'd be honest with people, say you haven't been watching for a long time, and you have a perfectly good excuse with the time difference and med school in India. And when the season starts at the end of the summer, would suggest, if you happen to be off work for a match day, going to a pub and watching the game. It's a great way to make friends. Just do expect a little banter from the Scots for supporting a posh London team...
PS - if you do get sucked into it, and you find yourself taking a trip down to London, DM me, I can most likely sort you a ticket.
A serious answer? Far too much effort for a throw-away joke, but I appreciate it haha. Maybe I will watch a football match, then I can stop getting shit for wearing football shoes out and about.
Yeah, as serious advice - I didn't become a devout football fan until after I left England and started traveling. It's the world's sport, so one of the best ways to make quick friends wherever you go. I've had great nights out from Bulgaria to Bogota start by chatting with other fans at an Arsenal bar.
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Watch real football.
2025 NFL Schedule Press Release
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I found out recently that Google Translate, when translating from English to Japanese, will translate "gooner" to "Arsenal fan", no matter the context. I know what you're really doing by being an Arsenal fan.
If Gooning is wrong, I don't want to be right. A man needs to put his balls in a net from time to time.
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Be less of a wanker, not more. Throw away the football shoes. Don't try to fake being something you're not. You'll be sniffed out easily.
If you couldn't tell, this was a joke.
For the unaware: https://youtube.com/watch?v=6yN2H3--1aw
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Seemed only half jokey to me because I've seen those fakers IRL, even for something as lame as being a football fan.
Apologies. I'm sleep deprived.
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Just casually stalk the subreddit. That'll expose you to some discussion points to start up, and people love nothing more than a chance to tell you why you're wrong - especially if you spin yourself as a foreigner who is willing to take the wisdom of the locals.
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Bruh!!! Learn the foot. Or look around conspiratorially and go "secretly I like cricket more." Likely they will go "gasp, cricket, how awful" and ask no further questions.
Are you 100% sure that approach would work in the UK? They're almost as nerdy about cricket as Indians are!
I refuse to believe anyone would like cricket. REFUSE.
It boggles my mind too. It's one of the few sports where the spectators get more of a workout than the players.
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