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PaperclipPerfector  3mo ago (text post)   1564 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for August 1, 2025

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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I've always been indifferent to sports. Team sports kinda bore me, and for the American ones, like baseball or handegg, I can't even comprehend the rules, let alone understand what's going on in the field. Individual competitions look pointless to me - after all, jumping 2.40 or 2.42 high looks exactly the same. I mean, I understand how much it means to the athletes, but it doesn't excite me. And the combat sports look too cruel - I'm not a pacifist but I can't really enjoy so much pain being purposely inflicted on a person that didn't really deserve it.

However, some time ago, the Facebook algorithm, for reasons known only to it, started to suggest to me a lot of sumo content. Initially I just ignored it, as I ignore most auto-suggested stuff. I never thought much of sumo, and considered it being rather comical. But, after watching a few bouts out of idle curiosity, I discovered, to my big surprise, that I am actually enjoying it. So I looked for more, and turns out I like the sport! It has everything I want: it's competitive but not cruel (yes, it can be quite traumatic at times, but they don't try to hurt each other intentionally). The bouts are short (2 minutes is considered a long one, though lower leagues have longer ones but never seen such a long one in the top league so far) so I do not get bored. The rules - at least the basic ones I need to understand what's going on - are extremely simple. The participants are varied - everyone has its own style and approach. It has a lot of tradition behind it and also has varied and sometimes complex technical aspects.

During the last two basho - May and July - I found myself checking the results each morning and watching the highlights each evening, which I never ever did before with sports. I totally did not expect it but it looks like I became a sports fan. I definitely will also follow the next basho - in September one - closely.

I went through a phase in the Asashoryu years where I kept a log each basho, bought a book on moves, and would attend every year the March basho in Osaka. I've been many times. Great fun; I usually imbibe on these days and am well into my cups by the last bout at 6.

This and that occured, and all the wrestlers I used to follow are now either ringside judges or back to Mongolia. I once shook Ama's hand (he would later be Harumafuji) in a back alley in Tokyo day before his match. He was with two very large tsukebito (lower ranked wrestlers who are essentially lackeys) leaning up against a massive obsidian SUV that looked as if it could carry a black Op wet team into the PM's office. Anyway he lost the next day (so much for my handshake being lucky.)

It's rumored to be a world of hookers and gangsters, hardcore tradition mixed with courtesy, violence, extortion, and quietly ignored prostitution. That said many top wrestlers end up marrying announcers, actresses, or models and retire to a life of television guest spots, reasonable dieting, and possibly a position as a stable oyakata.

That said many top wrestlers end up marrying announcers, actresses, or models and retire to a life of television guest spots, reasonable dieting, and possibly a position as a stable oyakata.

Not much different from what is happening in Western sports, as I understand.

In sumo, can steroids give you an edge? Does anyone do steroids? Any scandals?

The Freakonomics guys were insistent that at least during the era they were doing their data collection there were (to them) clear cases of fraud (in this case match throwing). A sumotori must have a winning record to avoid demotion, which means 8/15 by the final day at least. It is my understanding that they analyzed many bouts and cases where wrestlers just happened to win on days when it was do or die were statistically improbable unless something was awry. Combine this with the reality that it's man-to-man, and no one can get inside the head of either wrestler, and matches can be over in a few seconds. I personally suspect it's happened, but isn't commonplace, particularly now.

There's currently an ethnically Japanese yokozuna (the highest rank) which has been rare since the Takanohana days (lots of Mongolian or Pacific Islander guys) and that generates local interest. Though alas, young people are often disinterested in this traditional sport and focus more on soccer, volleyball, basketball, or even judo. It doesn't help that not just any kid can do sumo or even play around at it. You have to be big, and the professional guys are packing away food and booze in impressive proportions.

There are other more culture warry scandals but this isn't the thread for it.

edit: typos

I'm sure random kids can't do professional sumo, but several decades back, I was convincing my buddies to let me draw a circle in the dirt with stick and then to shove each other till one of us lost our footing or fell out haha.

I would be very interested in reading a longer post about Sumo if you wrote it. Or if you know of any blog posts that talk about it in general.

There are a few of non-Japanese guys in the top league now - Mongolians of course, but also one Kazakh, one Russian (actually Buryat but he says he identifies as Russian so...) and two Ukrainians. One of them is going down to lower league soon (maybe he will be back) but another has a decent chance of becoming an Ozeki if he keeps fighting like he does. So if somebody is upset by non-Japanese getting in (I have no idea but I assume some people would) their battle is pretty much lost by now.

As for scandals, I'm sure Japanese are human so they may have their own share. There were Yokozunas retired because of bad behavior. And maybe somebody fixes matches too - but even in my short period of watching I've seen a lot of unexpected wins and upsets (including the last basho, where I haven't seen a single person who could predict the result even mid-way) so even if someone would play dirty, it'd likely be hard to notice because of how it's inherently unpredictable anyway. Statistics can only get you so far.

AFAIK the number of places for non-ethnically-Japanese is capped at 10% to maintain the character of the sport.

I don't know of any outcry of anyone "upset" as such, because many of the yokozuna of the past have been not-fully-Japanese, but I think after such a spell of Mongolian powerhouses (Asashoryu, Hakuho, Harumafuji, Kakuryu, Terunofuji, etc.) having a Japanese yokozuna brings in fans who like to root for a wrestler who is fully Japanese (though he sucked this last basho as I'm sure you are aware).

If you're looking for something a bit more mainstream, I fell in love with tennis for many of the same reasons:

  • competitive but not cruel
  • extremely simple rules
  • the points are short (though full matches are not)
  • stylistic variation in participants

The last one has been in decline for the last couple of decades, much to my dismay, but at any given point there are at least a handful of players who make it to the top ten or so that add some variety, if not as pronounced as in the past (I've been considering writing a semi-effort post on this, relating it to more general trends towards homogenization in the myopic pursuit of optimization that I feel like I see almost everywhere now). Sampras-Agassi, Federer-Nadal, Federer-Djokovic, and the modern Sinner-Alcaraz are great examples of match-ups with contrasting styles.

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