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Where is your source that pair bonding is not a thing in men?
I don't know man. Most Lotharios I know would be better off out of the gene pool. There are many men in the top 10% of attractiveness who do not behave like James. I'm not saying we need a world filled with beta office drones, but society would be better if we had more men who could "think of England".
Yes that's why marriage is an option before castration. If Lothario stops behaving like Lothario there is no problem. Have you really pulled a 180 dude? You kind of seem to be in the exact same situation (unsatisified with your academic performance, lusting after women but not actually closing the deal).
Look there's nothing wrong with meeting and talking to women. I'll even grant that there's nothing wrong with sleeping around (a stretch in my book), as long as you are honest with your intentions. The problem is creating an impression of commitment when you have not intention of doing so. This is lying and manipulation and is bad. Now the girl is usually not innocent here either: she usually is lying to herself and very easily could clarify the position of the man in question.
I don’t believe that with your appearance and accent you were hooking up with large numbers of beautiful European women in Thailand or Bali or anywhere else, but it doesn’t really matter. If you did, then your post history clearly shows it brought you no fulfilment or happiness.
You hated the man you were, so you constructed the fantasy of an alpha male, a sexually successful man, to replace him. But the neuroticism, the angst, the self-doubt, the fear of a life unlived still haunts you to no lesser degree.
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I think we have different ideas of romantic success. Hook ups are not appealing to me. I'm happy that you've managed to overcome whatever sexual hang ups you had in 2021, but going out to clubs and fucking random tourists far from home is not appealing to me and does not constitute my idea of success. I'm sure I could learn a lesson or two from doing it and from your experience, you're probably not wrong.
I'm off the dating apps as of a few weeks ago. Nightclubs aren't really an option: my training schedule means I'm often running 20+ early on weekend mornings. Perhaps I really shouldn't be complaining, as I've kind of put myself into a box of the kind of life I want to live, but nightclub girls ain't it for me.
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That's not very appealing. As highlighted in comments such as this, even you yourself don't sound happy with it.
If everything you believe you've learned about women from PUA is true then it should require massive amounts of shortsightedness to think you can "keep" a girlfriend or wife's attraction on any significant large scale of time. Chances of cheating will only increase as you approach 40s, your wife approaches 30s and younger, more jacked, more exciting playboys around her remain in their 20s.
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Don't take this personally but I think this is exactly the sort of modern nonsense that got us into this mess.
People should stay together because they are bound by contract and oath; attraction is the unimportant vaguery of adolescents who don't yet realize all flowers wither.
Sensate pleasures are a child's idea of marriage, which is of course really about children, business and the general rubric of legacy.
Yet of course moderns insist on remaining children their whole lives and attempting to manifest a love story's erotic ideal into a world that can only contenance reality.
Divorce should require more than whim, and adultery should have harsh consequences. Anything less is essentially a return to barbaric norms of sex relations, along with their barbaric consequences.
No amount of social gamesmanship alone can maintain society. People respond to incentives.
Based comment of the week. I can only yeschad.jpeg so hard to this.
I remember having a conversation once at a party where I voiced my interest in what it would be like to date someone and intentionally remain celibate until marriage. The other party, a Thoroughly Modern Woman, immediately voiced the objection "But what if they're bad at sex?!"
I respond by telling her to think it through. In my hypothetical, the dating is the same as it is now, just no sex. We find each other attractive, we share important experiences, we trust one another, we integrate into each other's family life etc. If we assume all of that exists (which we have to, because, in this hypothetical, we're getting married) ... then how in the hell could the sex be bad?
"Here's this person who I find physically attractive, deeply care fore, have spent x months or years with, and have thought about as a long term partner for much of that time .... oh, fuck, she doesn't immediately know how to swivel her hips. Cancel it, cancel the whole damn thing."
It's such a laughable thought to genuinely worry that, on a wedding night, one or both partners is confronted with the horror - the absolute horror - that the other party isn't particularly gifted and one of life's most insanely pleasurable activities.
But that's what modernism has brought us. "He/she has gotta fuck good" is on the same checklist as "trustworthy" and "reliable"
Because the incentive/evopsych structures still dictate that sex is a job for women and a perk for men, and marrying someone where (for you) that isn't true but (for them) it is creates some interesting consequences. It's also not necessarily apparent, since the art of picking up women is delayed gratification, shelving the naked self-interest until after the contract is signed, and in dating (as a woman) you're evaluating whether or not the terms of the contract are acceptable.
One could, in my view reasonably, make the argument that there's only one way to find that out; especially when you notice that the entire traditionalist courting/dating/marriage structure is built around "job for women, perk for men". If you want to find someone who's a little more evolved than that, well...
Provided you care enough to be of that mindset. Many do not, and while being eager to have sex early might not necessarily be the best proxy to evaluate that, nobody's really come up with a better answer.
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Personally I'd say skip the nightclub and hit the best Martial Arts gym you can find in a 10 mile radius.
Don't send a guy into a nightclub without either knowing how to dance or knowing how to throw down if someone pushes him around. Preferably both.
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