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PaperclipPerfector  2mo ago (text post)   1560 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for August 20, 2025

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Hello Motte Friends!

A while ago I posted about a plan to get a girlfriend. Life threw up a lot of curveballs, so I ended up holding on the plan to push online dating. I didn't completely slack though. Here's the stuff I said I'd do, versus what actually happened.

  • Lifting: Have been doing Stronglifts 5x5 mostly consistently since my last post. My friend is my gym buddy, and we keep each other consistent. I squatted 210lbs this week. I've always been skinny (currently 5'11 155lbs), so even these beginner gains are making me look better. It feels nice to be more physically capable.
  • More fashionable clothes: Got those and a better haircut. I'm getting compliments on my appearance.
  • Skincare: Couldn't stick with it. Seemed to improve my complexion the day of, but not over the medium term. A friend suggested new products, I'll make another attempt with those soon.
  • Professional photos: Didn't happen, temporary money troubles
  • Contacts: Didn't happen, money troubles
  • Read Models: @crntwx suggested this. I read about a third of the book so far, have been trying to change my thought process and self perception in line with it's suggestions. It's a real crusade 😂, real "draw the rest of the owl", but worth doing.
  • Sleep: Honestly pretty bad in terms of hours and schedule, probably the number one thing hurting my charisma.
  • General habits: Spending WAAAY too much time on the internet doomscrolling, number two drag on my charm.

Advice Request:

  • I get a big improvement in mental state after lifting, but it's after work 3 times a week. I used to improve my mental state by running, but my legs can't handle that and squats at the same time. What could I do on off days/daily?

I get a big improvement in mental state after lifting, but it's after work 3 times a week. I used to improve my mental state by running, but my legs can't handle that and squats at the same time. What could I do on off days/daily?

No need to run. A walk at active pace for an hour or two is more than enough

Also, I don't recommend treating dating like a job interview, which you seem to be doing by having an extensive lists of prerequisites you're forcing yourself to get done before even trying. You're definitely on the right path in improving yourself, you definitely should keep going, not for the sake of dating but for yourself. Change the mindset from "I'm lifting because I want a girlfriend" to "I'm lifting because I want to be healthy" or because "lift heavy rock make bad thought in my ape head go away". Reason why I say all this is because with online dating, you're bound to fail many times. You'll be meeting complete strangers, failure rate is high. It will discourage you from improving yourself because your framing will be that you did all this work yet you still haven't achieved your goal. People with bad eyesight and poor sleep still date, don't wait on fixing this.

Spending WAAAY too much time on the internet doomscrolling

don't beat yourself up about this too much. Can actually turn this into a positive for yourself. Everyone under 30 is doomscrolling for hours too, girls you will meet will be brainrotted to the core just as much as you (unless you're doomscrolling autistic sites which is highly likely since we're on the motte, you should hide that stuff on first few dates lol).

Lastly, once you actually start going on dates here's my final advice. Like I said earlier, failure rate is very high and you should expect most dates to not work out, but still make the best of them. And you do that by going in with minimal expectations. My favorite thing to do is doing some kind of activity that I was going to do anyway. New exhibition at the museum? Get a quick bite then go see the exhibition. That way I kill two birds with one stone, have a date and visit the museum. Even if the date goes bad, at least I visited the exhibition I wanted to see anyway. Any other mindset would have me stressing because 'OMG I'm about to go out with potentially my future wife I gotta put my best foot down and be on my best behavior', but that just puts way too much unnecessary pressure, so I just treat it like a hangout with a friend. Don't take this advice too far, you still gotta flirt and show interest, otherwise the girl will not get the spark or feel like you're not into her but don't worry about this too much because dealing with that will come with experience

How do you feel about your personality, currently? Do you make friends easily, or have many satisfying relationships with other people?

I'm not implying that you lack those things, I'm just curious about your self-perception of them.

I get a big improvement in mental state after lifting, but it's after work 3 times a week. I used to improve my mental state by running, but my legs can't handle that and squats at the same time. What could I do on off days/daily?

You could do 30 minute walks and stretching to aid 'active recovery'. You won't get the same buzz as from running, but there will be some mental benefits.

I get a big improvement in mental state after lifting, but it's after work 3 times a week. I used to improve my mental state by running, but my legs can't handle that and squats at the same time. What could I do on off days/daily?

Have you tried some sort of meditation? Metta especially can help with mental state, loving kindness meditation.

Also if you're in the rave scene it would probably be popular there.

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