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PaperclipPerfector  3mo ago (text post)   42696 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of September 8, 2025

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She was going through pre-marriage counseling with her local Catholic priest. She was bemoaing the fact that, on a questionnaire she had her fiancee had to fill out, it asked "who will be handling the household finances?" "Tollbooth!" She steamed, "What am I supposed to do? Just stand barefoot in the kitchen all day with a baby on my hip?"

Am I supposed to read something prescriptive in the question? It seems just common sense to ensure a couple has a plan in place on how to handle finances before getting married. Catholics have a systematic marriage prep for this reason - to make sure that the common causes of divorce are at least discussed prior to making a life-long commitment.

Is she assuming the priest was expecting a response of "husband works, I drag toddlers to supermarket?" Because normally they don't care, as long as you have an answer and you've talked about it with your betrothed. Also (at least for me) we didn't have to share the questionnaire with anyone, we just filled it out and talked with each other.

(Also @HereAndGone and @MadMonzer)

That whooshing sound you heard was the point going over your head.

Understand that I used that illustrative anecdote to make the point that this girl, who "talked the talk" of traditionalism, immediately balked upon the first real imperative to walk the walk. Of course a couple should have these conversations about household finances before they get married. And, yes, I am aware that, in the trad view, women were often expected to manage the money that the men made for a whole host of excellent reasons.

The point is that instead of this "trad" woman taking a breath and working with her fiancee and priest to develop a mutually acceptable, yet doctrinally sound, arrangement, she immediately over reacted in a way that betrayed a lot of very modern feminist thinking. This is why I used the "living in the matrix" imagery earlier. I agree that a lot of "trads" are actually just thoroughly modern people who decided to buy the TradCath / Christian Patriarchy / OrthoBro player Skin from the DLC loot box.

So, please attempt to modulate the 'tism a little and realize that I wasn't trying to offer an underdeveloped thesis on marital finances.

So, please attempt to modulate the 'tism a little

Are you being ableist at me? Mommy, mommy, Tollbooth was mean to me!

No, my comment wasn't really directed towards you but towards the woman, who of course wouldn't read it. You are correct that it's weird for the woman to think she's traditionalist. I'm pointing out that she jumped to a conclusion very quickly, and it's probably the wrong conclusion. A bit of a Freudian slip.

"who will be handling the household finances?"

Trad answer is, of course, the wife. For good reason - traditional societies were heavily alcoholic societies, where if average man got his hands on cash, he would instantly spend it all on booze.

Correct. Trad priests regularly remind young men that of course she wants your money, the woman spends most of the money in the household. She buys the groceries, the kids clothes, pays the bills(as in logs on/calls in and pays them), etc.

Hah I agree having studied history! Traditionally women were masters of the house and household economy. Men would make MAJOR decisions, but by and large the household finances were firmly in the realm of women.

Depends on social class. The wife handles budgeting and accounting of day-to-day expenditure (including business expenditure if the family runs a small business which is too small to hire a clerk). For working and lower-middle class families, day-to-day expenditure is the household finances, so the wife handles it all. For the upper-middle class, it would be normal for the wife to handle day-to-day expenditure and the husband to handle major investments. For the upper class, the senior servants handled household finances.

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