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Notes -
Does anyone have any advice around relationships counselors in Western countries? Particularly regarding 'counselors' (eg did a counseling course with accreditation) vs actual trained psychologists. I'm looking at seeing one individually, but unsurprisingly there aren't any male counselors available so I'm trying my luck with a female one. I'm concerned that a woman won't be able to properly empathise with a male point of view, and might balk at certain 'how the sausage gets made' conversations.
This isn't for anything critical, just relationship advice regarding my specific situation (with details I wouldn't share here, even incognito).
Here in the States, having a MSW is actually a prerequisite for the additional coursework that goes with each particular specialty in question, as is practicing in residence under another licensed mental health professional (LMHP) within the same discipline, such as a licensed professional counselor (LPC) or a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT). If your concern is that they're not equivalent to a trained psychologist, then you can rest easy--LMHPs in general meet that bar and then some. That said, just because and individual has managed a graduate degree and a license, that doesn't necessarily make them a good counselor or therapist. Like all LMHPs, a good counselor or therapist is worth their weight in gold, as there are plenty of, well, not-so-good ones out there. Just like finding a good PCP that will actually listen to your concerns and tailor their advice/treatment to you accordingly, finding a good counselor that will do the same is possible (they exist!), but you might not necessarily find one your first time out of the gate, so I'd advise patience and willingness to go elsewhere to find a good fit. One other thing to address is that since you're doing individual counseling, as a rule good individual therapy will focus your needs, and any relationship counseling will come from the perspective of what is best for you, regardless of whether or not that's at odds with what is best for the relationship. Relationship counseling, OTOH, focuses on treating the relationship and not the individuals. FWIW, judging by your other reply, it sounds like individual therapy is the way to go.
And because we're on the subject, I've also had experience with doing relationship counseling in my marriage, and my situation was similar to /u/RenOS below. Despite being an LPC herself, my wife genuinely acted as if the purpose of marriage counseling was, for lack of a better descriptor, to make me "do right". Our marriage counselor (who was an LPC as well) quickly twigged to my wife's particular issues, which to be fair to my wife are rooted in massive childhood trauma, and although she didn't focus specifically on that, all it took was several sessions' worth of trying to work with that before my wife abruptly ragequit. It took another year and another separation, during which time we each had to come to grips with our own shit, before we were actually able to start doing things differently.
edit: tidied up some grammar
I tell patients sometimes that finding a therapist is not like a PCP - you might like your PCP more or less but they all fundamentally do more or less the same thing. It's like buying a car. Some are better some are worse and they might be missing bells and whistles...but it is all the same shit.
A therapist is more like offering a specific movie.
If you are looking for a Rom Com then The Godfather isn't going to be what you need.
Find the therapist that offers the right movie for you.
Does that feel right to you?
I don't think I need a therapist but I am curious - how would one find the right movie? I mean, actual movies have re views, trailers, etc. What do the therapists have? I never even seen an ad for a therapist ever - are they even allowed?
I mean, I can't even tell you how to get the right doctor. Shit is hard as fuck.
Lots of people use word of mouth within an IRL social network or via something like Facebook. You can find lists in your area or otherwise online (and with Telehealth...world is your oyster). Many people are already seeing an MD for med management and they have referral networks. More so than general medicine getting something that matches your insurance is harder since so many do cash, which in that case you gotta match the financial resources.
On top of those considerations you have an element of "if this one doesn't work for you, try someone else."
Frustratingly many people stop after the first one or continue with the first one even if it's not a good match.
Sigh, tell me about it. Next to impossible, unfortunately I have some experience. Same goes for most of professionals, unfortunately, but at least some have reviews and portfolios (not a guarantee but at least something...) Good thing at least I don't need that one, it would frustrate me to no end.
I can tell you that on the healthcare end of things the issue is that the people who want to be serious about "shopping" over focus on customer service and end up with awful care as a result.
In many other types of engagements customer service is a large part of the service so I imagine it is a bit easier.
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