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naraburns  nihil supernum  1yr ago (text post)   3276 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for March 3, 2023

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While reading my past comments (your updoots give me power!) I realized that, many weeks ago, I pretty much just didn't give out a burger recipe requested by @f3zinker.

https://www.themotte.org/post/233/wellness-wednesday-for-december-14-2022/42961?context=8#context

I know that a forum supposedly comprised of high-iq journeypeople probably doesn't give a shit about how to make a great, grilled hamburger. But just in case you do....

  1. Selecting great ground beef isn't difficult. An 80/20 mix, in my mind, gives you a ton of cook time latitude you won't get with leaner mixes. The only neat trick most people don't know about is that Costco (definitely) and your local grocery store (maybe) grind up all their unsold prime steak once it's something like 3-5 days old. The huge packages of ground meat at the former are too much for all but the largest burger parties, but you can freeze a chunk once and they'll still be good later. I personally make 1/2lb patties. This ends up being a little bit less than what an average man wants to eat and a bit more than women want (but they normally eat anyway).

  2. The most critical part of a burger is building a great patty. A lot of boomers and idiot millennials just sort of squeeze meat into a flattened softball and think they're making burgers. Your patties should be formed quickly. Hold your hands together like you're cupping them, but instead push your upper palm out as far as it will go and extend your fingers. Rotate the patty with your hands by alternating the direction your fingers are pointing (I.E. your right hand will start with fingers pointing towards you, then away, then towards you....) As you rotate, use your thumbs to press the edges of the patty back inwards and keep it un-cracked. The final result should be a concave disc that is 20% larger than your target bun.

  3. A way to minimize cleanup is use butcher or baking paper on top of a cookie sheet for the raw patties. Later, you'll discard the paper but use the sheet to store various grilled toppings, buns, and the resting patties right before assembly. Place them on the paper after forming to season.

  4. A lot of people think salt and pepper is sufficient. I believe this is true for when creating smashburgers or other fried/thin-patty style burgers. For something you're grilling, I think using Adobo Seasoning is a great move, or Montreal Steak. Basically, a little bit of garlic really ties the room together. I don't blend seasoning into the beef, I just press it onto the surface. The aforementioned baking paper does a great job of slightly drying the meat for great cross-hatching and ensuring the seasoning sticks.

  5. Let's talk buns. First of all, fuck sweet burger buns. It's not even worth talking about. Potato rolls are all the rage. The problem with soft breads like this is they can't stand up to toppings or drippings. You can help with some toasting or judicious application of a fat-based sauce but it's a losing battle. For my money, I find Publix's French hamburger buns to be the absolute cream of the crop. If you don't live in the southeast, a kaiser roll provides excellent structure while taking a back seat to the rest of the show. I wouldn't, however, say no to something like a thick slice of sourdough. If you're only cooking 4 burgers and are attentive at the grill, you can toast on the grill itself. Otherwise, using a toaster or oven is not admitting failure. Personally, I don't think buttering and griddling is even close to worth the effort for a grilled burger.

  6. Cooking. I wish I had great advice for this, but if you're using a fatty blend you really need to just watch and practice. I like medium to medium well patties. With a screaming charcoal grill, the surface color of your patties is a great indicator of how they are. If they look good they're probably done.

As I mentioned in the original comment, I largely gravitate toward two burger models. The more interesting of the two is one that I picked up from an old boss in IT - I helped him develop a variant for his restaurant and write his menu.

It involves a chipotle sauce made of Sour Cream, lime juice or apple cider vinegar, at least one pepper and the adobo sauce from canned chipotles, cumin, black pepper, pickled jalapenos (a dash of juice, and a couple peppers). I never measure and mix to taste. As you may be able to tell, I'm a bit of an acid freak. If you're not, mix in some mayo to split base duties with the SC/Yogurt.

Another critical component is a grilled poblano or anaheim pepper. After knocking down my charcoal chimney and putting on the upper grate, I instantly put on peppers. They take much longer to cook than the beef. Just grill them whole, and don't be afraid to burn them. They're incredibly easy to skin once they're roasted. Give each burger a whole half of a poblano that will hang off the patty on one side, don't chop into a relish or anything crazy.

It also involves Pico, avocado, and pepperjack.

The final order is:

  1. Heel

  2. Pico de Gallo

  3. Avacado

  4. Patty

  5. Pepperjack

  6. Grilled pepper

  7. Chipotle

  8. Crown

Cut in half and serve.

I know that a forum supposedly comprised of high-iq journeypeople probably doesn't give a shit about how to make a great, grilled hamburger.

Us token midwits are here for it though.

On the topic of when to add salt and pepper, Kenji has done his usual excellent work on when to add salt to burgers. Basically he concurs that you want to add it right before you cook, and finds that adding salt too soon can actually be quite harmful to the texture of your finished product.

I enjoy Kenji quite a bit and have derived a lot of technique from his notes.

I find that he takes his recipes probably a half-step more seriously than I do for lowbrow food (I also notice he's always cooking 1-2 person portions, and so when I'm cooking for 4+ there have to be compromises and assembly line design that he doesn't have to deal with). Great call out on seasoning time.

Yeah, definitely agree that Kenji is a bit of a madman in how far he goes to cook food. He seems to recognize himself that for most people, they don't need to go the extra mile to do the absolute best version of a dish. But I do appreciate his commitment to testing out theories and cooking approaches, it is always super educational.

Salting too early also causes moisture to seep to the surface which prevents browning. Same thing to roast a chicken. Salt goes on right before heat or days before heat like a dry brine. Anywhere in between is wrong.

The usual advice I see is 30-45 minutes to let the drawn-out moisture get drawn back into the meat. Or immediately prior to cooking, like you said.

I will echo the 80/20 meat and try spices beyond salt and pepper. I really like thyme and garlic! I know the first sounds like a turkey spice but it is really good with the beefy flavors, too. I really like whole wheat buns as they hold up relatively well to a juicy burger and I like the nutty rustic flavors, but I mainly eat whole wheat so ymmv there.

I know that a forum supposedly comprised of high-iq journeypeople probably doesn't give a shit about how to make a great, grilled hamburger.

[Leans into mic]

"Wrong."

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on perspective), all of your patty advice items are the same things I already do. Of course, the reason I do those things is that they're objectively the correct way to make a burger. Worth a mention is that if you've got a good local butcher, you can get either custom grind or premium burger grinds that step things up even further. I love a chuck, brisket, short rib blend.

Toppings-wise, I gravitate more towards the fatty side though. Nothing ties a burger together like Nueske's bacon.

Hold your hands together like you're cupping them, but instead push your upper palm out as far as it will go and extend your fingers. Rotate the patty with your hands by alternating the direction your fingers are pointing (I.E. your right hand will start with fingers pointing towards you, then away, then towards you....) As you rotate, use your thumbs to press the edges of the patty back inwards and keep it un-cracked. The final result should be a concave disc that is 20% larger than your target bun.

No idea how to conceptualize this.... could you point to a video or describe it differently?

Thanks for the recipe I want to up my burger game.

Ugh, I knew my textual explanation wasn't good enough and it's so critical.

The best food youtuber is Internet Shaquille, and I don't disagree with anything in this video: https://youtube.com/watch?v=N8I_S9Dv0Kg . However, his patty forming uses more than just hands.

This is not the method I describe, but could also work almost as well: https://youtube.com/watch?v=xjIj4TJRAzU&t=38

His hands are wrapped around the edge of the burger to eliminate cracks and thumbs press in to provide concavity. (The downside here is using your thumbs for concavity is always going to be less uniform than using your palm).

My palms are against the flat of the patty, and I use my hands being bent-outwards (the opposite of making a fist) to create concavity. I use my thumbs to press away cracks as I rotate the patty.

The biggest ups for NetShaq, one of the last online content creators that is, in my opinion, worth a goddamn.

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