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Culture War Roundup for the week of July 10, 2023

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If I could design an elite college admissions system, here’s what I’d do:

I like the idea of an admissions essay. With two caveats:

  1. It must not involve any mention of the author, their life or their personal experiences. Every writer takes inspiration from their own stories, but thinly veiled personal narratives would be explicitly discouraged.

  2. Applicants are advised that essays about niche topics unfamiliar to admissions officers are strongly preferred.

The essays would be 950 words, with a 10 word margin, to encourage some discipline. Students would be encouraged to write about something officers hadn’t heard much (or anything) about, which would encourage original research. The essays would serve as strong indicators of verbal IQ, which is much more important for making it into the elite than spatial IQ.

Write an essay about a bizarre facet of local politics in a tiny village. Cover a weird crime nobody has ever written about. Tell me about a strange academic debate that occurred in a single third-rate Armenian university in the dying days of communism. This would drastically improve the jobs of admissions staff. It would also encourage genuine diversity of interests and even background to some extent.

The best essayists, who at Harvard, Yale and Stanford I would expect to rival the better staff writers at a Vanity Fair or equivalent, would be invited to interview.

The interview would involve three components.

  • The first would be a small talk stage where a handful of candidates would be put in a room with each other and some faculty. Their behavior would be observed. The ability to build rapport is critical. Some bias around attractiveness would creep in here, but this is a good thing, because the elite should be largely fit and beautiful.

  • The second would be a viva or panel where the interviewers would meticulously question the candidate about their essay, its inspiration and sources, the research and writing process, and the core nature of their point or argument. This element would test a student’s ability to defend themselves, to debate and to argue. It would also verify that their admissions essay was likely their own work, and that they are an intelligent and competent individual.

  • In the third component, a candidate would be handed another essay (by another candidate or pre-prepared by admissions, I’m undecided) that they had never read before. With five minutes of preparation, and before the same panel of academics and admissions staff, they would have to discuss the essay, defend any arguments therein, and rationalize any stylistic or other choices, plus defend (without evidence) the essay from criticism. This crucial stage would test a candidate’s ability to bullshit convincingly, the most important elite skill there is.

A score would be assigned based on the above three components, with each receiving equal weighting, and that score would determine admissions decisions.

What are your ideas for new college admissions systems (beyond the boring ‘just base it on the SAT’)?

Applicants are advised that essays about niche topics unfamiliar to admissions officers are strongly preferred.

How could this ever be possible?

There’s no set cutoff, you can write about the Holocaust or the life of Abraham Lincoln or the Boston Tea Party if you want, but you’ll just be marked down on originality.

Idk if it's Jiro's objection, but what leaped to mind for me is, how are admissions officers supposed to evaluate the quality of essays about niche topics they don't know about? High-variance sampling to identify outliers doesn't work unless you can actually identify the outliers from the sampled data.

Truth value of such an essay is hardly the point, right? If someone can make up a convincing yarn, more power to them.

No... you absolutely do not want people who make shit up to score points. Why on Earth would that be a good idea?

I suppose for power-seeking Machiavellian reasons, but if we're redesigning the college university system to not churn out bullshit indistinguishable from meaningful content, then we should start with not conditioning admissions on being able to churn out bullshit indistinguishable from meaningful content.

No... you absolutely do not want people who make shit up to score points. Why on Earth would that be a good idea?

Unfortunately for the school, this is exactly what it felt like I was doing every time I was tasked with an essay assignment. And the following assignments on to it only ever had it seem like they were asking me to come up with seven different ways to say exactly the same thing. That exercise in 'bullshit' was where the real mental work was. Not in a new thought space I was trying to blaze trails in.

Unironically, isn't that also what organizations like the NSA look for in new graduates? Odd as it may seem. A professional/good bullshitter in many ways is an ideal candidate. But it's a paradox. The NSA has a double mandate to uphold the security of the nation, while going after and pursuing its adversaries. They simultaneously want someone with an honest and clean background, who will lie for them and do all manner of Constitutionally underhanded things in favor of the institution's mandate and self-preservation.

On the other hand, you've got creative fiction writers.

Unironically, isn't that also what organizations like the NSA look for in new graduates?

Might depend on the position, but for the technical ones everyone associates with the NSA, no, they're looking for math nerds.

I presume that number one requirement NSA is looking for is complete political reliability, not even trace of any expressed doubt of current party line (and any previous party lines during applicant's lifetimes), plus no compromised or suspect persons among their family, friends and acquitances. One Snowden was enough.