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PaperclipPerfector  6mo ago (text post)   2228 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for October 20, 2023

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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What are some fun activities I could do with my father in law? Grillin'? Fishing? Idk I'm at a loss for manly activities to do with a man you don't know very well. What's the standard?

Don't do what I did. I took a woman from a super liberal family and turned her into a hardcore conservative. I used to be on good terms with her father, but now he barely tolerates me, and tries to pick political fights with me every time he's over. Plus he's constantly sending her WaPo or NYT articles trying to "deprogram" her. They basically thought I had signed her death warrant when she refused to get the covid vax.

Too late! No, luckily her parents are more apolitical and open to questioning with their politics. Besides I’m not the most hardcore conservative in the first place.

I’m sorry you have to deal with that though. The political divisions in our society really do cause a lot of pain in families.

I'm a bit biased because I'm an awful fisherman, but it's a bit technical if he's not already experienced at it. What should be an opportunity to just drink beer from a cooler can turn ugly if a hook goes somewhere it shouldn't.

My go-to with my FiL is watching football. You never have to talk about anything serious. Accomplishing yardwork or home improvement tasks can be fraught but at least you're getting something out of the deal. If you both bust your ass it's an excuse to burn more time to drive somewhere and get masculine food you shouldn't normally eat.

I personally always enjoyed shooting the shit with girlfriend's dads. Some of them weren't up for it, others were very enjoyable to talk to. I talk more about serious topics with my FiL then he does with any of his kids.

Fishing and chess, like @Arnaud suggested, would provide a good opportunity to talk as little as you want, except you have no idea what your FIL actually likes. Hopefully, your wife and you are on speaking terms, so go and ask her what he likes to do in his spare time and more importantly, what he hates.

For example, my dad wouldn't mind a game of chess, but wouldn't go fishing. He also likes exploring public spaces and researching Alexander Pushkin conspiracy theories. My potential FIL died before I met my wife, so I have no idea what I would do with him.

Is the goal to know the man better? Assuming you're shtupping his daughter, he may prefer to keep you at a healthy emotional distance. I think "the standard" is avoiding each other whenever possible, and at Thanksgiving watching football in the same room without ever making eye contact.

I recognize that our new, purportedly "emotionally healthy" age would suggest you bond, say, over shared hobbies, or perhaps by sharing your individual hobbies: fishing, shooting, drinking, or for the higher-brow castes having oblique political or religious discussions. This is plausible too, though the closer you are in age to your in-laws the more likely it is to stick. On the other end of the extreme, if you have a poor relationship with your own father, some fathers-in-law seem to enjoy a kind of paternal surrogacy, especially if they have only daughters.

This strikes me as incredibly emotionally stunted. You do know that people occasionally ask their children to make grandbabies? I think the FIL can probably handle drinking a beer and talking about "how bout them Cowboys?" without being driven to distraction that his married daughter is having sex.

Indeed. There is a difference between sacred and profane love. As a decent father to your daughter, you want the former for her and not the latter.

It's so bizarre for me to see... Being close with your marital family lampooned as fruity new age emotional stuff, and the celebrated trad option is to be so sexually repressed as to poison family relations.

Hanging out with and going into business with your in laws is trad and Lindy. Anthropologists across primitive tribes have found a common answer to why incest is bad to be "Who would I go hunting with if I didn't have in laws?"

@TheDag two things

  1. Your FiL wants you to be morally staid. My FiL drinks like a fish, he prefers I have one beer after he badgers me repeatedly to do so.

  2. Get his help with something. Ask his advice on something. Take him to home Depot to help you pick out cabinets or paint or whatever, get him to help you shop for a car, ask his advice on a home improvement project, whatever as the case may be. Show him that you know what he's good at, respect him for it, and that he still has a role to play in your lives going forward.

Hah thank you for this, I was also confused. The whole point of a traditional marriage is to bind the two families, and @naraburns aren't those scriptures referring to if your family denies the truth of the Lord? Not just like, in general?

aren't those scriptures referring to if your family denies the truth of the Lord? Not just like, in general?

I am very much not a theologian, but a plain reading of the New Testament verse (as well as the Genesis verse it derives from) appears to suggest that a family unit is comprised of a husband and wife plus children--but the children are expected to eventually grow up and leave to form their own families, which become their first priority.

The Psalm is less clear to me, maybe because Christians gloss it with the bride-and-bridegroom thing that the New Testament does with Christ and the Church. But on a plain reading, the Psalm again seems to suggest that when the bride goes to marry the king, she's supposed to focus all her energies on him instead of on her family, because the king is super cool. Assuming the psalmist is David, though, it kinda reads like he's being a judge in his own cause...

Hanging out with and going into business with your in laws is trad and Lindy

Well, the Psalmist wrote,

Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention:
Forget your people and your father’s house.

And the New Testament gives similar advice to men:

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife...

My answer was intentionally lighthearted and broad, as the question seemed lighthearted ("Grillin'? Fishing?") and broad. A more serious answer might be a boring "do whatever you want, either it will work or it won't, you can't force a relationship with anyone, not even with in-laws." Or maybe an even more boring "have you asked your father-in-law?"

But while I am sure that being close with your in-laws is "trad" sometimes, it's at least as often very much not.

I'm partial to a nice game of chess myself, provided neither of you is a Kasparov or other chess savant, it should provide a good way to pass some time together.

Chess is a great man activity like that, it provides something for you both to focus on and lets you bond without having to do anything so gay as talking about each other.

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