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PaperclipPerfector  1mo ago (text post)   2921 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for March 15, 2024

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Can someone explain to me: engagement rings, wedding rings, and wedding bands?

In the normal course of events, how many total rings are involved? Which ones are meant to have big gems on them, and which ones aren't?

Are there some sort of trends in what they're made of, what gems are common to use, etc.? (I've only ever heard of diamond, but I really don't know.)

I guess following on from that: is it really a common action to do the one-knee, surprise, "Will you marry me?" thing? Would you or did you do this? If you are the recipient of a wedding proposal, how would you want that to happen?

You need to know two things:

  • your fiancée's ring size: just wait until you see her wearing some new jewelry and ask if she bought it recently, keep talking about jewelry shopping until you can ask about her size, then write the size down before you forget. Or use another opportunity to talk about it.
  • what she wants from her engagement ring: again, you want mutual plausible deniability, so send her memes with dudes proposing in public in inappropriate places, whenever someone you know is engaged mention it and see how she reacts to what they did, mention the ring that was used and look at her reaction. Women are smart and will basically tell you what they want if you let them: "on no, if someone actually proposed to me in front of so many people I would die of cringe" or "oh wow, this is so romantic!", "have you seen Becky's engagement ring? The shit's so tacky, it's like one of these Super Bowl rings. Me? Oh, I would rather wear something thin and delicate, with colored gemstones arranged in a floral motif" or "did you know that Brad proposed to Stacy with his grandma's ring? What a cheapskate, how hard can it be to buy a proper diamond ring!"

The second piece of advice applies to weddings as well. Use every opportunity and she will tell you what she wants. If she's into weddings where everyone in the party has to wear identical suits/dresses and fewer than 300 guests is unthinkable and the wedding cake has to have fifty layers, just run, don't even break up with her, just ghost her and move to another state.

everyone in the party has to wear identical suits/dresses

The rest is debatable, but come on! It's so nice going to a black tie event where people follow the dress code and everything looks neat and tidy and aesthetically pleasing. Modernity is already so ugly, dress codes already so rare. Let us have this.

There's a difference between having a dress code and having everyone wear the same color. It's such a tiresome imposition on the guests to buy or rent clothes for this one event.

Black tie is even a step worse into the ugliness of modernity. The Dutch Reformation basically killed colors in formalwear and now we all have to live with the consequences. Let people wear some colors, as people have done for thousands of years before the Protestants fucked it up.

People wear ugly and garish colors all the time though, just look at modern streetwear. If this was corporate life in Japan or the City of London in 1957 then a healthy opposition to bland dress code conformity would be fair. But it isn’t. Today, black tie events are one of the only kinds of occasions when the holistic beauty of a crowd, that symphony of aesthetic harmony, is actually visible. Even office jobs now see a huge variety of outfits, colors and cuts. And rooms just sing when everyone’s in black tie, your eye isn’t immediately drawn to the people and their dress but to the whole space, the event, the vibe, man as collective becomes visible. It’s beautiful, in a way even a collection of fabulous but varied outfits could not be.

I can't hear you over the sound of my novelty suit :V

(The sound is ゴゴゴゴ )

Do I have to be wary, perhaps, of touching doorknobs?

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