janeerie
Normie quokka
User ID: 713
janeerie
11mo ago
It allows people to choose how they want to live their lives. Many will make bad choices, many will be less happy than they otherwise would be, but one of my basic values is liberty/self determination. You may not value this as highly, in which case you would prefer stricter gender roles.
Women's lives used to be extremely constrained, with no opportunity to explore their potential. That's no way to treat half the world's humans.
janeerie
4mo ago
I had a similar response to Shogun. I got halfway through (I have a two-volume set) and just didn't feel motivated to pick up the next volume. It wasn't boring per se, but there wasn't anything about it that particularly interested me.
janeerie
1yr ago
Women tend to score higher on conscientiousness than men, and voting is a boring activity that requires planning and deferred gratification.
I know in my house, my husband’s mail-in ballot would never make it out the door without my prodding (even though I know his vote will undo mine).
janeerie
1yr ago
This might vary depending on how much you generally identify with characters in movies/shows. I get really immersed when watching something, and that immersion gets stronger for characters who I feel similarity to. For example, if I'm watching a show where a woman is fighting, I feel it in my body. Watching a show where men are fighting, I'm just an observer.
The experience is just fundamentally different for me, aside from any political/societal concerns.
janeerie
9mo ago
I joined at launch (when it was $100) because I was familiar with Megan and really liked her work. The membership roster is definitely journalist-heavy, which implies a network effect.
janeerie
1yr ago
I would be interested in #4. I am in a divided marriage and I don't see many people even attempting it anymore. I was pregnant in 2016, which is probably the main thing that kept us together during the Trump madness.
janeerie
7mo ago
Nope, just a general dislike of pain! Seriously, that pain is so bad I thought I was going to die and I wanted to die. It's bad, man.
janeerie
1yr ago
I just applied for a job that included this beautiful pronoun selection question (skipped it). Then further down the page there was another blank field to enter my pronouns (skipped it)!
I kind of want to know what the hell "Fae/Faer" is, but also kind of don't. Is that for people who identify as fairy folk? I can see that giving you an advantage on your job application!
janeerie
1yr ago
Just finished Bowman's The Mormon People. The book filled in a lot of gaps in my knowledge about how the Mormon religion operates and the history of Utah, which is helpful. But I'm still left with that feeling of "why do people believe this?"
This is not unique to my relationship with the Mormon religion. I grew up Methodist, loved it, and wish I could continue to be part of a religious community. I just couldn't get over the hump of having to believe things that quite clearly seemed not to be true (or didn't have any convincing evidence for me to think them true). The LDS church seems to turn that up to 11, requiring members to believe that this guy (who had a career as a treasure hunter) found golden tablets in NY that only he could translate and which then disappeared. And that afterward he continued to have divine revelations about the nature of the universe that would dictate how they live their lives.
I know we have practicing Mormons in our community here, and I'm so curious if they actually believe these things or just find that the religion provides a useful guide to living and a foundation for a well-functioning community.
janeerie
1yr ago
There is no "the one." You just decide to commit yourself to this person to build something bigger than yourselves. There will probably be times when you doubt your choice, but then you just have to recommit and move forward.
The whirlwind emotions you describe, while nice, are not the foundation of a marriage. It sounds like you and this woman would build a lovely life together.
janeerie
7mo ago
Thank you! And here I thought it was some sort of official event like the Iditarod.
janeerie
1yr ago
I am extremely skeptical that this is from WEF. Is there any reliable source? The setting and clothes suggest sometime in the 80's or 90's.
janeerie
9mo ago
Yeah, the ticket thing is a real "it depends" situation, but generally good to get on it sooner and have a plan (I would love to see a post from you on how to decide when to buy).
Deciding what actually needs to get done is another tricky one, going back to the age-old conflict of people with different standards of cleanliness. I don't think I'm too much of a clean freak, but I do think that visible dirt and stains on the floor should be cleaned up. I am apparently alone in my household in thinking this, so I have to clean them up. It's very easy for family members/roommates to coast on the back of the person who is most bothered by dirt and clutter.
I suppose you could make an argument that dirt and clutter are not objectively bad, and I'm not sure I'd have a really great counter-argument at hand, but it's hard for me personally to live with it.
janeerie
9mo ago
Yeah, it seems to be quite a bit easier for widowers to remarry, and they are more motivated to remarry than widows. My best friend and I both lost our mothers when we were young and our dads quickly remarried—I think because they wanted someone to take care of the kids. I'd be surprised if single fathers are even really a thing.
janeerie
11mo ago
I love the Producers theory and I would love to see a movie made one day of this scenario.
janeerie
8mo ago
- Extroversion: 11
- Emotional stability: 52
- Agreeableness: 62
- Conscientiousness: 98
- Intellect/Imagination: 91
I am the queen of conscientiousness! Now please excuse me as I get back to organizing my pen collection.
janeerie
1yr ago
I had a weird conversation with my boss's boss yesterday. It started with talking about a new project I might be involved in, but then went into her telling me that "people don't know how to read you" and "it's hard to tell when you're excited and passionate about something." She also kept repeating that I was very "even-keeled" and I make people feel relaxed. I guess those were supposed to be compliments.
Then she says that I need to come up with a plan for what I am going to do about this! Basically, I need to take some deliberate actions to let people know what I am thinking and feeling. I told her I would set up some check-ins with her where we can talk, but I'm really not sure what else I'm supposed to do. I asked what other people were doing that she felt was more effective, but she didn't have an answer to that.
It was so bizarre, because I am fine with getting feedback if there's an issue with my work, but this seemed to be about how my personality was causing a problem (I'm sorry, I was raised by Midwestern farmers - we're not expressive people). I ended up crying in front of her, which pissed me off. It just touched on some lifelong feelings about feeling a little out of step with people.
To tell the truth, I don't really get "passionate" about things at work. It's work - I enjoy it when I have interesting problems to work on, but I'm passionate about my family, about ideas, not about work stuff. I suppose that's why I appear "even-keeled" at work, because I don't deeply care about any of that crap so it's easy to let things slide off my back.
janeerie
1yr ago
Yeah, according to my ideals he should be let back on, but I am not looking forward to the daily hysteria over whatever crap comes out of his brain.
However, you should probably be more specific about which part of red tribe doesn't want him back on. I believe politicians don't, but the average red triber is going to be thrilled to have him back on there owning the libs. I know there are blue tribers like Matt Yglesias who think his being back on will hurt his (and other Republicans') political chances, but I'm quite skeptical of this. Attention gives him life and energy, and it gives his supporters energy.
janeerie
1yr ago
It's kind of brutal out there right now. I'm also interviewing, getting decent response rates, but stalling out at some point in the process (got rejected after a 5-hour interview round last week). In my field, I think the market just got flooded with all the recent layoffs and now there's too much brand-name competition. I also see stated salaries nowhere near where they were a year ago.
I think it's time to hunker down and lower expectations/tighten budgets. I don't see a lot of potential for raising one's salary in the near future.
janeerie
1yr ago
We had to coach my 6-year-old at every single house to remember to say "trick or treat" and "thank you." I think some kids just get so excited that their little brains shut down.
janeerie
1yr ago
It’s a bitch having a mild mental disorder.
I sit here remarkably sane by all outward appearances. I have a family that I take good care of and have good relationships with. I do well at my job. I am smart with my money and make good, responsible decisions. I get along with pretty much everybody. But inside I am constantly struggling with anxiety, and the fear that the anxiety will get so bad that all of this will fall apart. I am consumed by a fear of fear.
In the past, my main problem was panic attacks. I always had a fear in the back of my head that I might have another and it was quite distracting. But it didn’t really affect the course of my life. I would hear about people who become agoraphobic, or who do all kinds of OCD rituals, and I just couldn’t relate. I’ve never experienced anything like depression. I just walk around scared most of the time.
Getting on medication pretty much cured my panic disorder, and when I had my child I went off meds and a round of CBT kept me from relapsing. I’ve always had health anxiety, but that also fades into the background as long as nothing weird is going on with my body. I have been back on medication for the past couple of years, but it doesn’t seem to be helping nearly as much as it used to.
I always have the thought in the back of my head that my anxiety might get so bad that it will ruin my life. If I read about somebody with intense OCD or who develops DP/DR, I think “Why couldn’t that happen to me?” If these are just disorders of thinking, why wouldn’t my own brain go down that path? It causes a huge spike of anxiety, which eventually goes away and I return to my baseline. I basically live in a world of potential triggers.
My latest therapist was big into ACT, which stresses the importance of continuing to do the things that you really want to do, and just letting the anxiety come along for the ride. I already do that, but the anxiety prevents me from getting the most emotionally and mentally out of those things that I am doing.
One of the things that helps me most is to just understand that my brain is broken. I can’t trust the things it is telling me. That’s very difficult when in so many other places my brain has served me very well. In some sense, my fear of fear is entirely logical. It’s quite clear that anxiety can make you miserable so why shouldn’t I be afraid of it? It’s just an unfortunate reality that it causes this terrible cycle:
-
I know being anxious is bad.
-
I know anxiety is something that my own brain produces.
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I am afraid I won’t be able to stop my brain from producing more anxiety.
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Hence I am more anxious.
The weak spot in this seems to be point 3 - that actually there are ways to stop my brain from causing more anxiety. I’m just having a hard time developing trust in those. An added wrinkle is that I am afraid to examine my brain too much. The concept of consciousness is really scary to me. I am afraid there is a fundamental truth about reality out there that I don’t want to encounter.
I guess it just feels like I’ve hit the wall on what I can get out of therapy, and I’m going to have to always deal with an elevated, sub-clinical level of anxiety that bugs the hell out of me. Thanks, brain!
janeerie
7mo ago
Yoshi's Crafted World has a great co-op mode. My son and I played it a lot when he was around 4, and he then moved onto just playing by himself. There are also good Kirby co-op games, like Kirby and the Forgotten Land. Basically, a Nintendo Switch is going to get you pretty far.
It's not anonymous, which means everybody treats each other as human and there's more of a sense of a community. I'd say the overarching mood is anti-woke, but there's no lockstep thinking and any disagreement is done with respect. Also, while there is a good amount of culture war discussion, any topic is welcome and gets decent engagement.
Not sure where you live, but there are also in-person meetups (along with the official Unspeakeasy retreats).
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