janeerie
Normie quokka
User ID: 713
janeerie
1yr ago
I'm the same - I enjoyed it for a couple of years in college and then it just became a panic attack trigger. I'm always amazed that some people are able to use it as a treatment for anxiety.
janeerie
2yr ago
I had a weird conversation with my boss's boss yesterday. It started with talking about a new project I might be involved in, but then went into her telling me that "people don't know how to read you" and "it's hard to tell when you're excited and passionate about something." She also kept repeating that I was very "even-keeled" and I make people feel relaxed. I guess those were supposed to be compliments.
Then she says that I need to come up with a plan for what I am going to do about this! Basically, I need to take some deliberate actions to let people know what I am thinking and feeling. I told her I would set up some check-ins with her where we can talk, but I'm really not sure what else I'm supposed to do. I asked what other people were doing that she felt was more effective, but she didn't have an answer to that.
It was so bizarre, because I am fine with getting feedback if there's an issue with my work, but this seemed to be about how my personality was causing a problem (I'm sorry, I was raised by Midwestern farmers - we're not expressive people). I ended up crying in front of her, which pissed me off. It just touched on some lifelong feelings about feeling a little out of step with people.
To tell the truth, I don't really get "passionate" about things at work. It's work - I enjoy it when I have interesting problems to work on, but I'm passionate about my family, about ideas, not about work stuff. I suppose that's why I appear "even-keeled" at work, because I don't deeply care about any of that crap so it's easy to let things slide off my back.
janeerie
2yr ago
Yeah, according to my ideals he should be let back on, but I am not looking forward to the daily hysteria over whatever crap comes out of his brain.
However, you should probably be more specific about which part of red tribe doesn't want him back on. I believe politicians don't, but the average red triber is going to be thrilled to have him back on there owning the libs. I know there are blue tribers like Matt Yglesias who think his being back on will hurt his (and other Republicans') political chances, but I'm quite skeptical of this. Attention gives him life and energy, and it gives his supporters energy.
janeerie
2yr ago
We had to coach my 6-year-old at every single house to remember to say "trick or treat" and "thank you." I think some kids just get so excited that their little brains shut down.
janeerie
1yr ago
It's funny - there are many women who are offended by the very idea of artificial wombs, to the point where I think it's a minority position to be ok with them. I have a hard time understanding that.
janeerie
1yr ago
It's funny - I think of that garden often and it even shows up in my dreams. I don't remember much of the plot of that section of the book, but I made quite a mental picture of that garden!
janeerie
2yr ago
It's kind of brutal out there right now. I'm also interviewing, getting decent response rates, but stalling out at some point in the process (got rejected after a 5-hour interview round last week). In my field, I think the market just got flooded with all the recent layoffs and now there's too much brand-name competition. I also see stated salaries nowhere near where they were a year ago.
I think it's time to hunker down and lower expectations/tighten budgets. I don't see a lot of potential for raising one's salary in the near future.
janeerie
2yr ago
It’s a bitch having a mild mental disorder.
I sit here remarkably sane by all outward appearances. I have a family that I take good care of and have good relationships with. I do well at my job. I am smart with my money and make good, responsible decisions. I get along with pretty much everybody. But inside I am constantly struggling with anxiety, and the fear that the anxiety will get so bad that all of this will fall apart. I am consumed by a fear of fear.
In the past, my main problem was panic attacks. I always had a fear in the back of my head that I might have another and it was quite distracting. But it didn’t really affect the course of my life. I would hear about people who become agoraphobic, or who do all kinds of OCD rituals, and I just couldn’t relate. I’ve never experienced anything like depression. I just walk around scared most of the time.
Getting on medication pretty much cured my panic disorder, and when I had my child I went off meds and a round of CBT kept me from relapsing. I’ve always had health anxiety, but that also fades into the background as long as nothing weird is going on with my body. I have been back on medication for the past couple of years, but it doesn’t seem to be helping nearly as much as it used to.
I always have the thought in the back of my head that my anxiety might get so bad that it will ruin my life. If I read about somebody with intense OCD or who develops DP/DR, I think “Why couldn’t that happen to me?” If these are just disorders of thinking, why wouldn’t my own brain go down that path? It causes a huge spike of anxiety, which eventually goes away and I return to my baseline. I basically live in a world of potential triggers.
My latest therapist was big into ACT, which stresses the importance of continuing to do the things that you really want to do, and just letting the anxiety come along for the ride. I already do that, but the anxiety prevents me from getting the most emotionally and mentally out of those things that I am doing.
One of the things that helps me most is to just understand that my brain is broken. I can’t trust the things it is telling me. That’s very difficult when in so many other places my brain has served me very well. In some sense, my fear of fear is entirely logical. It’s quite clear that anxiety can make you miserable so why shouldn’t I be afraid of it? It’s just an unfortunate reality that it causes this terrible cycle:
-
I know being anxious is bad.
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I know anxiety is something that my own brain produces.
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I am afraid I won’t be able to stop my brain from producing more anxiety.
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Hence I am more anxious.
The weak spot in this seems to be point 3 - that actually there are ways to stop my brain from causing more anxiety. I’m just having a hard time developing trust in those. An added wrinkle is that I am afraid to examine my brain too much. The concept of consciousness is really scary to me. I am afraid there is a fundamental truth about reality out there that I don’t want to encounter.
I guess it just feels like I’ve hit the wall on what I can get out of therapy, and I’m going to have to always deal with an elevated, sub-clinical level of anxiety that bugs the hell out of me. Thanks, brain!
janeerie
2yr ago
I'm healing up from my first bout with COVID (vaxxed+boosted, had what felt like a mild flu for one day), and thinking about long-COVID. As somebody who has long had an anxiety disorder, the list of long COVID symptoms sounds pretty much like how I feel most of the time. And guess when my anxiety disorder got a lot worse!
I caught COVID on a work retreat to NYC and it was totally worth it. Getting to spend time talking to people, working with people, being immersed in a city where so much is happening, was amazing. There is nothing worse for our mental health than spending all our time in our houses on our computers.
I completely believe that there are people who have bad post-viral reactions. That's always been the case. But I also believe that much of this is uncontrolled anxiety and we need some kind of mass CBT/SSRI intervention.
janeerie
1yr ago
I joined at launch (when it was $100) because I was familiar with Megan and really liked her work. The membership roster is definitely journalist-heavy, which implies a network effect.
janeerie
1yr ago
I fear I'm making this sound worse than it is. I really don't have to do anything for her; it just annoys me that she is wasting her life while other lives are too short (my own mom died when she was 45). If things do get to the point where she requires actual physical care, I plan to bring in the professionals and give my sisters-in-law the primary responsibility.
She's actually from Utah, where we live now. We moved here a couple of years ago so she could be close to her daughters who all live here. She does get a bit misty when we visit the local steakhouse :D
janeerie
2yr ago
I love the Producers theory and I would love to see a movie made one day of this scenario.
janeerie
2yr ago
Online therapy services (like BetterHelp) are basically mental health fast food. I tried one because it was so convenient and cheap, and I quickly realized that my therapist was unlikely to tell me anything that had not already occurred to me.
I finally found a psych professor at the local university who sees a few patients on the side (I basically had to audition to get accepted). It's pretty damn expensive, but I'm getting much more out of it. I guess it's good that the fast food option exists for those who can't afford anything else, but I wonder how much people are getting out of it.
janeerie
2yr ago
I'm pretty much in the same spot as your wife, and I still consider myself a liberal. I am also married to a conservative. He was a Romney-type conservative when we married, and has shifted right alongside the Republican party. It is difficult at times (especially during election years), but we are both very committed to the marriage.
That said, we are still aligned on basic values of how to live and raise our child. We try to tune out the political noise as much as possible and don't bring it up inside the house. This approach works well for us.
janeerie
2yr ago
I do recall people complaining about Tom Cruise playing Jack Reacher in the movie, since the character is supposed to be a behemoth and Tom Cruise is more... petite. There was much celebration when the character in the TV show was played by a big guy.
janeerie
2yr ago
According to the latest ACX post, a QAnon-type newsletter is the top Substack in the "International" section.
I'd say "official" QAnon folks are pretty rare, but the ideas from that community have definitely gained a strong footing in US conservative circles. You won't find "X genuinely believes that elites blend up babies into smoothies," but you will find a lot of "X genuinely believes media and (liberal) political elites harbor a large number of pedophiles who are trafficking children."
janeerie
2yr ago
Albion's Seed. Scott Alexander's essay about it really stuck with me, and the book is just as interesting as he makes it sound. Every night I bombard my husband with fun facts about how crazy the Puritans were.
janeerie
1yr ago
That is weird. I've had two therapists who I saw for a few months each, and they both were pretty clear about addressing my problem and getting me out of there. I did screen for serious CBTers though.
janeerie
1yr ago
Yeah, the ticket thing is a real "it depends" situation, but generally good to get on it sooner and have a plan (I would love to see a post from you on how to decide when to buy).
Deciding what actually needs to get done is another tricky one, going back to the age-old conflict of people with different standards of cleanliness. I don't think I'm too much of a clean freak, but I do think that visible dirt and stains on the floor should be cleaned up. I am apparently alone in my household in thinking this, so I have to clean them up. It's very easy for family members/roommates to coast on the back of the person who is most bothered by dirt and clutter.
I suppose you could make an argument that dirt and clutter are not objectively bad, and I'm not sure I'd have a really great counter-argument at hand, but it's hard for me personally to live with it.
janeerie
1yr ago
Yeah, it seems to be quite a bit easier for widowers to remarry, and they are more motivated to remarry than widows. My best friend and I both lost our mothers when we were young and our dads quickly remarried—I think because they wanted someone to take care of the kids. I'd be surprised if single fathers are even really a thing.
janeerie
2yr ago
Yeah, the taco thing was BS.
With that episode, I was just left wondering how much of a presence Mexican food and culture has in the UK. I feel like this episode would have made much more sense in the US.
janeerie
2yr ago
This is my experience also. While I always opposed an abortion ban, I honestly had no idea how many downstream repercussions there would be from them. It's kind of shocking how people cannot be depended upon to make common sense decisions.
I would be interested in #4. I am in a divided marriage and I don't see many people even attempting it anymore. I was pregnant in 2016, which is probably the main thing that kept us together during the Trump madness.
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