The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
May BJJ Notes
— My facial stitches pretty much healed up, and as soon as I got them out I was back on the mats. There’s the start of a nice little traditional German dueling scar on my lip, but luckily it happened after I got married, so I have very little need to look pretty anymore. I am, if I”m honest, deeply embarrassed by all the outpourings of affection from the other members at the gym. I considered the whole matter vaguely shameful and stupid; everyone is way too nice about it, going out of their way to ask me how I’m doing when I come in to the gym. I guess the pictures coach posted to the gym group chat when I got injured were pretty amusing, me smiling with my face slashed open. The scar seems to be healing up fine, my only real concern is making sure it doesn’t reopen or become a weak point that could reopen easily in the future, which I think is a thing but I’m really not entirely sure? I was too nervous to shave while the stitches were in or freshly out, so I grew the worst beard of my life while all this was going on.
— My buddy talked me into signing up together for private classes with the head coach, once a week in the mornings. The classes themselves are good fun, but the biggest revelation so far is that I understand the entire business model of the gym much better than I did before. Up until now I’d really wondered at how they offered such a good deal: I pay a little under $150/mo for unlimited classes, which are offered for adults 15 times per week with about a dozen instructors, and range in attendance from just me and maybe another guy to 30+ people. It seemed to me like a great deal for me personally, but a tough business to run even with the cash cow of kids classes and at any gym constant supply of people who sign up and never attend. At the same time, while BJJ pedagogy is a whole fucking category of debate I don’t want to get too far into, while I was pretty satisfied with my rate of improvement I did notice that the classes weren’t necessarily structured optimally for learning. Then I signed up for the 2:1 private classes, which on a per-hour basis run $60, and a lot of things made sense. Turns out they book a ton of private classes, with a lot of people who I didn’t realize were booking private classes; where initially I thought of the standard classes as the main thing, and the privates as an incredibly fancy add-on which maybe a dozen people who were really rich or really serious might book, turns out the public classes are the budget tier and the private classes are premium DLC that probably 30-40% of the students are booking. Cynically, it almost feels like the gaps in the pedagogy are intentional to sell privates, by working on a semi-random assortment of moves in the public classes and then gating those fundamentals behind additional cost you sell your product. Given, I don’t begrudge them that, the public classes are a real deal, part of the reason I was talked into signing up for the privates was because I didn’t mind putting some money in the coaches’ pockets it’s still not an easy business. And while now I’m happy to pay extra and show up at 6am for a private class where we just drill precise details on the armbar, the public class format was way more engaging for me early on because I got to jump right into learning a move and rolling with it, even if as a result I only half learned the move. Swings and roundabouts.
— The biggest thing I think I need to work on to improve at this point is mindset. Pretty predictable if you knew me, I lack some level of necessary killer instinct. Hell, it’s a problem I have as a mechanic, that pretty often I’m unwilling to be hard enough on the machine to get a bolt loose or a clip out for fear of breaking something. I tend to categorize too many of my partners at the gym as either way better than me, so that I’m trying not to lose too badly and unwilling to be rough with them when they’re being kind to me by going easy; or as way worse or weaker/smaller than me and hence I don’t want to go too rough and be a dick to them. Part of this is a sense that I’m a big strong guy, even in the context of the gym, and I don’t want to have the rep as a big dumb moose that spazzes out and hurts people. But sometimes I get the distinct sense I’m stuck at 75% effort, and that if I could just get out of second gear I could start beating some of the guys I think are better than me. I’m thinking maybe the solution is hitting up more open mats at other gyms, so I’m a bit more shuffled. I’m reasonably pleased with my progress in defense, guard retention, and lately I’ve been having some luck with sweeps and guard passes. But I can’t seem to get finishes, and at times I feel like I’m just stalling in the round maintaining mount or side control without getting the finish.
— In the weight room, my Philadelphia Eagles posted a hype video of the guys doing back squats in the offseason. Among monsters like Jordan Mailata and Saquon hitting 6 plates, Grant Calcaterra came in and hit 405. My first reaction was: poor Grant, why did they have to do him like that? He seems so weak compared to the rest of the players! My second thought was: that’s not far past my PR in back squat, and really close to my implied PR from reps, with a little effort I could say I back squatted as much as an Eagles Tight End! So I’m trying to get back under the bar for a couple months after this weekend, when…
— Murph is coming, and I’m gonna fucking die. I’m doing it with the vest, because it doesn’t really slow me down all that much, just makes everything suck more. But the gym guys I'm doing it with ALSO announced a special 6am class beforehand, so I'm gonna die. Will report back if I’m alive.
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May BJJ Notes
— My facial stitches pretty much healed up, and as soon as I got them out I was back on the mats. There’s the start of a nice little traditional German dueling scar on my lip, but luckily it happened after I got married, so I have very little need to look pretty anymore. I am, if I”m honest, deeply embarrassed by all the outpourings of affection from the other members at the gym. I considered the whole matter vaguely shameful and stupid; everyone is way too nice about it, going out of their way to ask me how I’m doing when I come in to the gym. I guess the pictures coach posted to the gym group chat when I got injured were pretty amusing, me smiling with my face slashed open. The scar seems to be healing up fine, my only real concern is making sure it doesn’t reopen or become a weak point that could reopen easily in the future, which I think is a thing but I’m really not entirely sure? I was too nervous to shave while the stitches were in or freshly out, so I grew the worst beard of my life while all this was going on. The most frustrating advice is that I should keep it out of the sun, just as the weather is getting to the point where I want to be hiking and swimming and golfing. We'll see how I do with that.
— My buddy talked me into signing up together for private classes with the head coach, once a week in the mornings. The classes themselves are good fun, but the biggest revelation so far is that I understand the entire business model of the gym much better than I did before. Up until now I’d really wondered at how they offered such a good deal: I pay a little under $150/mo for unlimited classes, which are offered for adults 15 times per week with about a dozen instructors, and range in attendance from just me and maybe another guy to 30+ people. It seemed to me like a great deal for me personally, but a tough business to run even with the cash cow of kids classes and at any gym constant supply of people who sign up and never attend. At the same time, while BJJ pedagogy is a whole fucking category of debate I don’t want to get too far into, while I was pretty satisfied with my rate of improvement I did notice that the classes weren’t necessarily structured optimally for learning. Then I signed up for the 2:1 private classes, which on a per-hour basis run $60, and a lot of things made sense. Turns out they book a ton of private classes, with a lot of people who I didn’t realize were booking private classes; where initially I thought of the standard classes as the main thing, and the privates as an incredibly fancy add-on which maybe a dozen people who were really rich or really serious might book, turns out the public classes are the budget tier and the private classes are premium DLC that probably 30-40% of the students are booking. Cynically, it almost feels like the gaps in the pedagogy are intentional to sell privates, by working on a semi-random assortment of moves in the public classes and then gating those fundamentals behind additional cost you sell your product. Given, I don’t begrudge them that, the public classes are a real deal, part of the reason I was talked into signing up for the privates was because I didn’t mind putting some money in the coaches’ pockets it’s still not an easy business. And while now I’m happy to pay extra and show up at 6am for a private class where we just drill precise details on the armbar, the public class format was way more engaging for me early on because I got to jump right into learning a move and rolling with it, even if as a result I only half learned the move. Swings and roundabouts.
— The biggest thing I think I need to work on to improve at this point is mindset. Pretty predictable if you knew me, I lack some level of necessary killer instinct. Hell, it’s a problem I have as a mechanic, that pretty often I’m unwilling to be hard enough on the machine to get a bolt loose or a clip out for fear of breaking something. I tend to categorize too many of my partners at the gym as either way better than me, so that I’m trying not to lose too badly and unwilling to be rough with them when they’re being kind to me by going easy; or as way worse or weaker/smaller than me and hence I don’t want to go too rough and be a dick to them. Part of this is a sense that I’m a big strong guy, even in the context of the gym, and I don’t want to have the rep as a big dumb moose that spazzes out and hurts people. But sometimes I get the distinct sense I’m stuck at 75% effort, and that if I could just get out of second gear I could start beating some of the guys I think are better than me. I’m thinking maybe the solution is hitting up more open mats at other gyms, so I’m a bit more shuffled. I’m reasonably pleased with my progress in defense, guard retention, and lately I’ve been having some luck with sweeps and guard passes. But I can’t seem to get finishes, and at times I feel like I’m just stalling in the round maintaining mount or side control without getting the finish.
— In the weight room, my Philadelphia Eagles posted a hype video of the guys doing back squats in the offseason. Among monsters like Jordan Mailata and Saquon hitting 6 plates, Grant Calcaterra came in and hit 405. My first reaction was: poor Grant, why did they have to do him like that? He seems so weak compared to the rest of the players! My second thought was: that’s not far past my PR in back squat, and really close to my implied PR from reps, with a little effort I could say I back squatted as much as an Eagles Tight End! So I’m trying to get back under the bar for a couple months after this weekend, when…
— Murph is coming, and I’m gonna fucking die. I’m doing it with the vest, because it doesn’t really slow me down all that much, just makes everything suck more. Will report back if I’m alive.
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Yesterday I went for a bench PR with my friend, who I started going to the gym with. I did 175lb for 1 which I'm pretty proud of. When I first started benching four months ago I could barely do 135x1, the empirical growth in strength has been really neat to experience. The experience of benching is so different from everything else I do in day-to-day life, the absolute physical struggle, with very little way to cheat form-wise feels so pure in a way that very little else does.
Congratulations, savor this period of rapid progress.
Just make sure you're being honest with yourself on this one. It's easy to get carried away as progress slows. Make sure you're keeping you elbows tucked to protect your shoulders, especially as the weights start approaching the 200# mark. Try not to cut ROM on the bottom, only count reps where you touch your chest as PBs. It's probably better if you keep your butt on the bench too, though I have to admit I've counted reps in training where my butt came off.
Don't do anything stupid, like going to failure alone in the gym. Bench is the only lift that regularly kills people.
On that front, deadlifts are probably the hardest to cheat. My deadlift comparatively sucks to my bench though, fortunately "how much ya' bench" is a much more common question than "how much ya' dead."
This was why deadlift was my favorite lift initially, prior to inevitably injuring my back...
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I developed a daily nap habit during the pandemic (wfh) that I would like to break. I always liked a weekend nap but this is ridiculous. I don't think this is actually "need for sleep" based because it happens regardless of the actual amount of sleep I get the night before and unlike at night it often takes quite a while to fall asleep. I'm sick of wasting 2 hours every afternoon so I pulled out the ole Atomic Habits to approach the problem anew. Now is a good time to tackle this as I recently moved so that is a good time to create new habits.
Things I've tried:
Most stuff on the internet treats this like a sleep problem but it really isn't. It tends to happen regardless of sleep quantity and quality. It also happens whether or not I ate lunch so it isn't that. Naps are a great breaker of anxious or depressed states for me, so part of what I'm craving is that emotional reset (hence starting in the pandemic), but the daily nap happens regardless of mood.
Ok atomic habits says every habit has a cue, craving, response, reward.
Cues: bored, start mid-afternoon energy slump, craving emotional security, seeing it is 1 or 2 on the clock, glimpse beautiful cool sheets (which cues are most important?)
Craving: craving to nap wants only to nap and cannot be logicked to "go for a walk" (I walk enough taking the dog out 4x a day, thank you) or "go to the gym" as an alternative. Craving-self will not turn on an alarm to take an insufficient nap or similar nap limiting behaviors. I can take a book to the bed with me but reading and sleeping go together so this almost never prevents sleep.
Response/Reward: nap of 1-2.5 hours, emotional reset, possibly broken by having to pee because coffee.
So for some habits you can try to make them unappealing, but I don't want to do anything to undermine my desire for sleep in general. Instead I think we want to add some points of friction and set up an alternative behavior for that time of day.
Friction: close bedroom door and block it with laundry basket
Alternative: sit down in living room at first sign of craving and watch specific new tv show I haven't seen, telling craving self this is just a 45 minute delay to nap
Alternative: drink diet soda at 1-2pm rather than with lunch
Any other ideas?
I'd actually consider cutting down on coffee and seeing if that helps. Could be a caffeine crash.
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I don't have any inclination to sleep in the middle of the day, but if I wanted to spend an hour doing something where I was sure I wouldn't inadvertently fall asleep I'd either go for a run or play some vidya.
Running I can understand, but games? Even the best can put me to sleep if I’m actually tired.
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Two hours is a long nap. Especially if, as you say, you are not sleep deprived. A good target nap time is about 20 minutes? Any more than that and you're heading toward a full sleep cycle. Have you considered shortening the nap time?
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Sit by a powerful SAD lamp for 60m before your usual nap time.
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Half an hour before you usually take the nap, darken your room so you can’t see daylight, switch on a small lamp and keep doing what you’re doing. Half an hour later open the shutters. It could trick your brain into resetting to the awakening pattern of “now it’s daytime, sleep is over, I should do stuff”.
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