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Welp, 9 week visit went poorly, we're probably going to have another miscarriage, we'll know for sure in a couple weeks. I looked up the odds, seems like there is only like a 30% chance the problem is some kind of chromosomal thing that makes us totally inviable.
We found out a couple weeks ago my sister is expecting her second in January, they would have been similar ages. We're going to another baby shower in a couple weeks. This really sucks.
Condolences, that's really hard.
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That sucks indeed. Sympathies.
When we just considered having children, the doc told us it wouldn't work out. Just plain not biologically in the cards for her. So we considered one life choice taken away from us, but what can you do, shrug and embrace the irresponsible lifestyle. And then the doc turned out to have been wrong. Life finds a way, it seems. And then, all my wife's fretting and panic nonwithstanding, the pregnancy went off without a major hitch, and we got a fairly healthy kid out of it. And now we are a highly dysfunctional family that barely scrapes by and I don't want to even think about the issues the kid will have in her teenage years.
Children go not to the most deserving, or the best prepared, or the most suitable, or those who most want them. Life isn't fair, and deals out kisses and gut punches almost entirely at random, as far as we mere humans can perceive.
How do you intend to deal with it?
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I'm sorry. That is not an easy position to be in. Your wife might know all the things that a shrink or gynecologist might say, but they seem hollow or unhelpful when you try to apply them to yourself.
If I can say something somewhat hopeful, what basis do you have to claim 30% odds of there being a genetic abnormality? You frame it as one that's present in either your or or partner, as fetuses can get them de novo even if the parents are alright.
It's been a while since I brushed up on my chromosomes, but my understanding is that only ~5% of couples experiencing repeated miscarriages have an underlying chromosomal problem. I presume those are balanced reciprocal translocations, Robertsonian ones and so on.
Have you guys been karyotyped? Did one of the doctors specifically relay this to you, or is this something you've been trying to figure out yourself? Ask your wife for more details, I expect they've been giving her a far more detailed debrief than you've received, or at least she understood more of it by virtue of medical training.
In the absence of more information, I'd be very averse to ascribing your difficulties to such. Even if that's the case, there's reason to hope that IVF would help! Something like PGT-SR would help identify viable embryos that have dodged the bullet. IVF is expensive, but I expect the two of you can afford it. I wish you guys well, and hopefully you come out of this with the happy family you deserve.
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I'm sorry, I went through this with my first wife a few times. Including a placental abruption at 37 weeks that was devastating and 3 miscarriages at sub 10 weeks. We ended up with 3 healthy kids before she passed, so I suppose the try again advice is still the go to. At times it really is just a crap shoot.
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I'm sorry, man. We had our first pregnancy self terminate early and while I wasn't affected much, my wife took it really hard.
Aren't early miscarriages really common? I thought like a 1/5 of known pregnancies miscarried in the first trimester and some 30-50% of all pregnancies.
Are you sure two early miscarriages really puts you in 30% chance of being unviable with eachother? It sounds high.
Yes, I think it's something like that.
A couple of years ago, when I was off birth control, I was driving alone and kept puking which is very rare for me, but didn't have anywhere to pull off. Not pleasant at all. Then later that day got an unusually heavy and abrupt period. Probably an early miscarriage.
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Do chromosomal things make people unviable with each other where both partners would be fine if they had some different partner? I don't know much about pregnancy.
Unfortunately, no. Just one person having them can be a deal-breaker. There are rare mutations where chromosomes are malformed, and during the process of recombination when embryos form, they just don't pair up right. It would be exceedingly unlikely to find someone with the same kind of defect, such that this goes off without a hitch.
It's still not the end of the world. IVF usually helps find the embryos that would be viable.
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I'm so sorry to hear this!
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