Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.
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Do you believe in therapists? Given my recent realization of how much social anxiety controls my life, the thought of getting a therapist and trying to handle the issue professionally has come up many times. Don't get me wrong, I think practices like CBT are legit, they should definitely work for a lot of people. But when it comes to people that conduct those practices, I'm most certain many of them are not qualified/fit for the job. Each patient is like a unique 1000 piece puzzle that therapist has 1 hour per week to work through. I believe the bare minimum for a therapist is being on top of their life at all times - how many of them are like that? Simply having mold at home would change therapists' brain chemistry, thus affecting their work. How about vitamin deficiencies? Going through personal life problems at home? Not getting enough sleep? That just means that it would take you so much time to find the one that's actually worth your time and money. And at $200-300/hr they are charging, I imagine most won't spend thousands to find the one that works for them.
But anyways, I've got a fun little anecdote about therapists. I recently reconnected with my cousin and learned that she became a family therapist, got the license, her own office - it's legit. Issue is, her personal life situation would tell you she's got no clue about relationships. She's 38, with no kids and a 'hustler' boyfriend that's 10 years older than her. And her dating history is horrible too - in her twenties, she went off to NYC to study and do modeling on the side, sponsored by her dad. There, she lived the high life of being an attractive model in NYC - partying with rappers and finance bros, trips to Hamptons, yadda yadda yadda. Then, after graduating and getting an ultimatum from her dad that he won't be paying for her fun NYC life any longer, she coasted on her modeling gigs and (i'm assuming) help from boyfriends for a few years, ultimately moving back to her home country. Once back, she continued her party lifestyle for a few more years, once again paid for by her father (much cheaper than NYC). In that time, she, still being an attractive and young woman, got hit on quite often. But her main complaint was that the boys hitting on her weren't up to her standard. She set her own dad, a very successful businessman, and the NYC bros that were in her life as her standard, and well, the small town guys weren't that. In her mid to late 20s, she finally decides to lock in and stop depending on her dad by getting a job at a local bank. Focusing on her career, she grinded up to a branch manager by 30. I don't know much about her dating life in that time because my family and hers grew apart in that time, so I stopped overhearing gossip about her. Timeskip half a decade, she's single and decides to quit her job to become a yoga teacher. And finally, timeskip to now - she's a family therapist. Anyway, the reason why I'm saying all that is not to ridicule my cousin about her unfathomable fumble at life - she's not the first and she's not the last, that's just how life is, it's to tell you that this person is now a family therapist with a license that's 'helping' others work out their family issues and charging 10x (I'm not joking) average hourly wage.
As someone who is working through (possibly C-) PTSD with a therapist, I would say that a good therapist can be a fantastic resource, but a bad therapist is probably worse than not having one at all, and even a good therapist who uses the wrong modality is going to effectively be a bad therapist for you.
I've been through three therapists in my efforts to get my head on straight. The first told me after one appointment that she was not qualified to deal with my specific disorder, and recommended a few others in the area who were more qualified. I respected that honesty.
The second therapist was not a good match, and my various symptoms got a lot worse in the short term. It may be that they would have improved over time, but she left the practice before that came to pass.
The third one has been great so far. The work we've done seems to be highly informed by DBT, and puts a lot of weight into forcing my lizard brain into understanding that the first 20 years of my life and my present life are very different things. That may sound obvious, but God damn, do old habits die hard.
More than that, she helps by functioning as a point of reference for what a Normal, Well-Adjusted Human thinks about things. Sometimes you don't realize that you are, for example, letting a person take advantage of you until somebody who seems to generally have their shit together says "you are letting that person take advantage of you". Some of you may scoff at the idea of having a professional say that instead of a family member or friend, but if you don't have access to a family member or friend who has their shit together, it's a viable alternative.
I've been at it for a couple of years now. I'd like to be done, but it's a process. It took decades to fuck my shit up, and I'm not going to undo it by taking 12 insurance-approved mindfulness sessions where I count five things that I see on the walls and five things that I smell. The work suuuucks to do, because no reasonable person wants to think about the things that are informing the maladaptive thoughts and behaviors, but it's necessary if you want to improve.
Even though it's slow going, I have seen benefits. I don't dissociate as much as I used to, and when I do I don't lose as much time and my actions during that period aren't nearly as dramatic. The amount of physical tension that I carry 24x7 has gone down, which has resulted in less chronic pain around old joint injuries. It's easier (not easy) for me to move around in cities.
TLDR: Find the right therapist. Make sure they use techniques that actually work for your bullshit. Actually do the work they assign.
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I saw a tweet awhile ago that said something along the lines of:
and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.
I went through a period in my life in which I was ruminating so much I found it difficult to concentrate on anything and I was very depressed. I will admit that several weeks of very specific CBT exercises did help. But I'm very sceptical of the efficacy of free-form undirected talk therapy. In particular, I find it frustrating how rarely it's acknowledged that going to therapy might be bad for you. The "just go to therapy" brigade generally claim that the worst-case scenario is that it'll be useless (which even then is not necessarily a trivial financial and opportunity cost): I have never heard these people suggest that going to therapy might make a happy person unhappy, an unhappy person even unhappier, a self-absorbed person more self-absorbed etc.
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I don't just believe in them, I've seen them!
More seriously: talk therapy rescued one of my kids from some crippling anxiety issues, but it wasn't the first therapist we tried who did so. For her it was the second, but I've heard that that's better odds than average. Therapists are like teachers: quality varies way more than it should, and someone sufficiently motivated can get by with self-study alone, but if you need one then you'd be silly to deny it.
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Do I "believe" in therapists?
I'm being honest. No. I don't go to therapy, anymore, and haven't in a long time. When I did go, the first two therapists were useless, and the third, who happened to be young, pretty and sensible, had me falling in love with counter-transference so hard it probably counts as remittance.
But therapy? I believe in that, in the sense that it works.
Empirically, on objective based metrics? It works! Works well! Or well enough, since some form of therapy often beats drugs as the first line intervention. CBT for depression, DBT for BPD (which I was disdainful of, until I saw the objective metrics), the list goes on.
I'm in the slightly awkward position of not wanting to go to therapists while being quite solid at it myself. Learning shit like CBT and IPT is a core part of the psychiatry curriculum here. I've been told I'm good at the job.
My distaste for it is slightly irrational. I simply prefer drugs in most circumstances, far less finicky. Not as many soft-factors. You pop something and you get better. Hopefully.
Whereas finding a good therapist is far harder. They don't come with individual RCTs or dose effect curves. Many of them are useless. Some of them are outright counter-productive. Some of these criticisms are also fairly leveled against the medication.
In general, I think men should go to male therapists. They're usually more no-nonsense, less touchy-feely. Men seem to prefer something closer to a life coach than an auntie who'll sip tea with you while you sob.
More speculatively, you need a therapist who is at least roughly as smart as you. Ideally smarter. Part of the job is analyzing your psyche, figuring out what makes you tick. There are a lot of midwits out there. They're more likely to regurgitate the same lines, offer the same old canned saws.
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No. Much better off with a priest.
Is it common to speak one-on-one with a priest about your personal problems? This is a genuine question; pop culture depictions, and the few times I've personally attended church, gave me the impression that priests mainly give sermons/speeches to large audiences (and do some very limited things like Confession), and it wouldn't have occured to me to approach one with the kind of issues I'd bring to a therapist.
Yes, absolutely. The average person isn't going to go to their priest frequently for such guidance and help, but only a minority of people need to go to a therapist either.
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Yeah, sadly ~95% of therapists are terrible. Maybe 3-4% are okay and will help some. Then there do exist the top 1% of super-therapists that can literally transform you into a different person, if you're willing to work with them.
I'd recommend doing everything you can to just find an incredibly good therapist, and don't settle for one you think is merely ok. It's a waste of time.
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Unc finally reached his breaking point on the Daughter Question and pulled the plug with regard to sunk costs.
Local bank branch positions tend to be pretty low intensity and low prestige. A son who "grinded up" to a branch management position would likely be considered a failson by a "very successful businessman" father. Fortunately for her, she had the usual suite of thot exit opps.
Just like "he who represents himself has a fool for a client," he or she who pays a thot or former-thot for advice is a fool for a client.
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Model > bank branch manager > yoga teacher > therapist is an interesting progression. Usually it goes more like "model (or some other role making a living off being young, attractive, and female) > yoga teacher or massage therapist > realtor."
Having her dad's wallet as cushion affected her life quite a bit, I imagine the progression would've been a lot more standard if she couldn't rely on it any time she wanted.
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See some past discussion of therapy here.
I'm in agreement with everything stated in that thread. TLDR: Yeah the 1 in ~20 therapist is worth their price in gold and will probably be helpful to majority of patients (given patient puts in effort too), but the rest of them are just a waste of money and time. I'm afraid most don't have the will, energy, money to go through the motions. And even if they do - how the hell would you know you found the one?
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