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Small-Scale Question Sunday for May 17, 2026

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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What kinds of pets do you all have? And why are dogs the best?

Thoughts on some recent pets:

Black cat. Black cats are surprisingly good at hiding in a home environment. He liked to curl up on a black towel / jacket / backpack and become invisible. Watching the humans look for him provided immense entertainment. I got him a black throw blanket and a window bird feeder and he'd spend all day staring at the birds who only saw two golden floating orbs. After pouncing at the window a few too many times he learned to squint at the birds to remain hidden.

Toy poodle. Adorable. High energy with extreme demands for attention. Likes cat wands more than cats do. Does not get along well with cats, who just want to sleep. Stubborn. Thinks the world will end if he's ever more than ten feet away from a human. Thinks he can win at tug if he just finds the right leverage despite being 11lbs. He likes sitting on the back of the couch and resting his head on my shoulder during Zoom calls.

Outdoor Maine Coon (cat). Friendly and adorable. Conned me into thinking he was a starving stray despite living in a large house. Could eat shocking amounts of tuna.

For some reason raccoons keep populating my YouTube feed. They are damn cute creatures, I must say; but I think I’d be hesitant ever getting one. Are they even domesticable? Or are they just friendly “until the time is right?”

Last pets I recently had were three cats. Two of them passed away a few years back and were up there in age, the last one is up there in age now and is being taken care of by a relative. One was a most neurotic calico that was insane and hilarious, but I loved her. I actually caught her playing with my gun once after I finished cleaning it and forgot to put it away. The other was a Norwegian forest cat that had a perfectly colored Adolf Hitler mustache (and actually burned his litter box down in our garage once). I love how arrogant cats can be.

Dog culture is just a unique form of brood parasitism. They are like any other superstimulus. What porn is for sex, what streamers are for friendship, what dramas are for romance, etc. That is what dogs are for raising children. They grab the relevant hardwired reward systems without any of the messy complications of dealing with actual people who can have their own lives and develop their own agency. Nothing more than a low-stakes, ersatz sense of fulfillment.

Objectively, I can't feel much more than disgust for dog culture when I see the shit and piss covering my city, the daily cacophony of barking, the glimmer of slobber residue lining products in grocery stores, the stories of bites and maulings. Dog ownership is easily one of the highest negative externality hobbies that society just accepts without question (see even this thread: "And why are dogs the best?" "Literally nobody can raise an ethical objection to giving dogs healthier, longer lives, right?"). I would put so much money on the table to live in a city that completely bans dogs and actually enforces it.

More importantly, dogs have evolved their behaviors and appearances to most effectively hijack our instincts. You look at a golden retriever and it looks like it's smiling. It hops around and wags its tail and it looks like it's happy. But is any of that actually a reflection of its internal mental state or are these just behaviors we subconsciously selected for because it's pleasant to for us. Do they play with us because they enjoy it or because we programmed them to obsessively need it? Maybe it's both, but if they were actually miserable on the inside there's no way for us to know.

To me it seems akin to a putting a smiling face on a robot. We are just more susceptible to projecting human assumptions onto dogs because on some level we know that we made robots, but we rarely think about what we've done to dogs. They seem constantly anxious and bored, because we wanted them to always be willing and able to play whenever we feel like it. We've stripped away so much of their basic instincts they don't even realize it's not the best idea to eat their own shit or lap up their own vomit. In some cases we've actively bred for deformities because some of us find them "cute."

They are craven, pathetic creatures that only exist to feed into our narcissism. It would be hard to convince me that the world wouldn't be better if dogs never existed. For us, and maybe even for them.

That is what dogs are for raising children.

My malamute used to earn her keep by killing rattlesnakes in the wood pile. I'm pretty sure I'd get a visit from the county if I made my kids do that.

Shades of this classic essay: https://mattlakeman.org/2020/03/21/against-dog-ownership/

I think dogs if you have a sizable piece of land (or even big yard) are totally fine. Or if you already have kids. I absolutely have some internal judgement towards any couple I see that has a dog and no kids (probably should go to confession)

I'm certainly not the first or only one to come to these conclusions. I genuinely believe dogs have some sort of mind virus effect. They've found an exploit in our circuitry that blinds many to the obvious. People are defensive of their dogs right to slobber on you with a ferocity I haven't even seen for children.

I absolutely have some internal judgement towards any couple I see that has a dog and no kids

I do wonder if pet culture has an appreciable suppressive effect on fertility rates the way that porn addiction can cause withdrawal from attempting real-world relationships.

There's some evidence that pet ownership makes childbearing more likely.

Caesar [Augustus] once, seeing some wealthy strangers at Rome, carrying up and down with them in their arms and bosoms young puppy-dogs and monkeys, embracing and making much of them, took occasion not unnaturally to ask whether the women in their country were not used to bear children; by that prince-like reprimand gravely reflecting upon persons who spend and lavish upon brute beasts that affection and kindness which nature has implanted in us to be bestowed on those of our own kind.

With like reason may we blame those who misuse that love of inquiry and observation which nature has implanted in our souls, by expending it on objects unworthy of the attention either of their eyes or their ears, while they disregard such as are excellent in themselves, and would do them good.

Plutarch: Pericles

I don't love the implication that you need pets to have a fulfilling life. Other choices are valid too and right for other people. My wife and I have a baby who is more than enough for us. We don't need pets.

I have a black male rescue cat that I've taught a handful of tricks to (sit, shake, look, spin, lay down, up, down, shoulders, boop). They recently discontinued his kibble brand, so I've been trying to find him something else he likes before I run out of the stockpile of the good stuff.

I have mixed feelings on dogs. They are pretty great to own/be close to, especially if you have a bit of land that they can be on. Unfortunately a lot of people don't train their dogs (doesn't need to be formal, just basic etiquette is sufficient). They destroy property, they are capable of violence and often threaten it, they are loud enough to disturb neighbors, and they do all this with strong social cover that it isn't the owner's fault/responsibility. I think if your dog threatens someone, you should be held responsible as if you had done so. Good dogs are great though.

I much prefer cats; they are fluffier and don't slobber on you.

My cat Boots used to crouch and sit down like a donut directly on my head when I would go to sleep, so it looked like I was wearing a turban. Whenever I woke up I would try and get him off with my hand and he would very aggressively swat or bite at my fingers, and he would dig his paws into my head to avoid moving.

You got lucky. My one cat drools like a Saint Bernard when she's happy.

Dogs are the best because thousands upon thousands of years of co-evolution has made humans and dogs biologically optimized for companionship with each other and mutually beneficial cooperation.

I like to say that if you don't have a dog in your life (not necessarily owning one, mind) you're leaving 'money on the table' in terms of personal happiness, you can improve your own mood for basically free just by petting one.

I have a medium-small mixed terrier rescue. With a diagnosed anxiety disorder. He's gotten a lot better since I got him. Already dreading the eventual day he'll leave me, but haven't regretted a minute of having him around. Okay, maybe a few hours here and there.

Anyway, here's hoping they solve dog longevity in the next 5 years. They deserve it more than us. Literally nobody can raise an ethical objection to giving dogs healthier, longer lives, right?

Currently, we have two male cats, both around six years of age.