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PaperclipPerfector  3d ago (text post)   2158 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for June 21, 2026

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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This is a dumb "question" I'm just flabbergasted in a low key situation. Going to Mexico for my wife's friend's wedding. Taking my small kids, gonna be something...

Happens to be over Mexico's first World Cup nock out match. I don't like soccer it's for the poor's but this is falls under "few in a life time opportunities" in my mind. The one guy I kind of know on the trip turned me down on going out to watch the game because he hates crowds and sports. I've always struggled not to judge this guy as a loser (sulks around and whines a lot), this really doesn't help. Literally I don't think any other person I know would turn down an invite like this. Am I being too harsh?

As chance would have it, I find myself in Southern California this week (considering writing some reflections on the trip as a flyover peasant), and happened to stop by a sports bar for dinner without realizing Mexico was playing. The Mexicanity is immense. Sounded like a bomb went off when Mexico scored. Pretty fun, honestly, even if I had no idea what’s going on.

Maybe it's what primed me for thinking it's obvious to go out, I was in Rio when they won gold and even though I was in my room (probably still should have found a way but Barra was locked down and it was a massive pain in the ass to get in and out) that was still pretty nutty.

I'd go and I feel like it's weird not to go. Clearly I'm in the minority here.

You are not in the minority of people I know in real life. As I asked here, I asked many people in real life and it was unanimous that it's - at best - odd not to go. Something to keep in mind with certain takes on this board.

Are any of your friends named Barney Stinson, by any chance?

(I kid, of course.)

Just a question:

Why?

Because to me it's a festive, rare event, important enough that it's televised worldwide. Plus it sounds fun, and even if the time is shitty it will be a memory to share, or recount, years from now.

A moment of social weirdness pales in comparison to literal hours of figurative torture.

I like soccer as far as it goes and I like seeing people enjoy sports. Plus I bet there will be beer.

Under the circumstances you describe, no chance I'm going. Soccer sucks and going with a mild acquaintance isn't going to make it better. I will have plenty more opportunities in my lifetime to attend events I don't care about, so this one being "a few in a lifetime" one carries zero weight.

Why would you go? Sounds like negative utility to me. Straits-dwellers have a pejorative word for this behaviour: kiasu, which roughly translates to FOMO on steroids.

Seriously who cares if you’re cool or not only losers care about that.

A big part of why I'm taken aback is that, for me, it doesn’t take any thought. It’s a given: if you don’t have some other obligation, it’s what pretty much every other person I know in real life would do.

Yes, many truly cool people don’t put much thought into it. Though I have a strong suspicion that even at the highest levels - naturals like elite athletes included - they’re putting more thought into it than people realize.

But alas, I am not effortlessly cool, I'm a naturally a loser. How does one go form loser to not loser. I don’t see a clear path from loser to not-loser without thinking through some of these things, even if truly “cool” remains out of reach. Maintaining social circles takes effort if you’re not naturally cool - and even for most people who are. Cool extroverts may enjoy the effort, which makes it easier, but it’s still effort. I believe this is even more important in the face of modernity and with younger generations.

Of course, being a try-hard is the death of cool. I won’t list my escapades (that would be try-hard), but I rarely seek them out purely for their own sake. I’m already doing something and being somewhere, so I’ll put in the effort to seek out something “cool” to do. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t put thought and make deliberate choices in those circumstances.

So if I’m in Mexico, what’s the “coolest” experience I can have on a given day with very little extra effort? It’s giving myself the opportunity to be jumping up and down with a bunch of beautiful people, beer held high, chanting “Olé, Olé, Olé.” I can have a quiet cocktail (what was offered as an alternative) or read a book in bed any evening.

Damn, man. You're a dad with children now, its okay to be uncool. Your free time is probably limited if you have kids. You should not spend your limited free time doing things that you think may result in an interesting story to tell others. You should do what seems appealing. If you have curiosity about pro soccer, so be it, it is competiton at the highest level, but it can also be appealing to do nothing and follow the wedding schedule. Maybe there are some activities you can do with your kids locally in Mexico that are not available at home?

Attempting to be cool is always uncool. But I believe that not caring about being uncool demonstrates self-confidence, which is it's own form of coolness.

As a dad and husband, it does not set a good example for your family for you to be concerned with matters of trivial importance. Maybe you have some time to plan a interesting mini-vacation for your family, like scuba diving, cave exploration, or visiting interesting areas?

I am not cool - extra not cool now that I have kids - but it's two hours. I'll be spending way more time with my family than normal. Most likely my son is going to be jumping right there with me, my wife jumping with my daughter strapped to her. I would not judge a father in my circumstances for not being in the mix, this dude, not a dad.

I can have a quiet cocktail (what was offered as an alternative) or read a book in bed any evening.

I agree, but being in Mexico opens up a constellation of other options you could capitalise on, all of which may offer you more utility than going to a soccer game it doesn’t seem you’re particularly interested in. It’s not a choice between “soccer match” and “reading a book in bed” (that I concur is an awful value proposition when you’re in a foreign country), it’s a choice between “soccer match” and “seeing Teotihuacan” (which is all lit up at night) or “wandering the historic centre trying out the local food” or “watching the mariachis in Plaza Garibaldi” or any number of other very local things you could be doing.

Coolness per se doesn’t matter as much to me as enjoyability does. If you’d enjoy the match, then yeah, go for it. But there are other options you can avail yourself of which might be better for you, depending on your bent.

Sure if you got something better to do. Maybe this is context that lacking but it's Sayulita for 11 days. The match is 19:00. We will be availing ourselves of the local fair extensively. I wouldn't be surprised if they projected it on to Teotihuacan (not really) Plaza Garibaldi you could do both and it's gonna be crazy during the match, probably more intense than what I could find. For the vast majority of Mexico this is gonna be the only game in town (see what I did there, so subtle).

Maybe you've been identified as a bigger loser.

If he goes out with other people or even solo...

I certainly I'm a massive loser. I hang out here, asking loser questions.

What is a loser, anyways? I define a loser as a male of low status who engages in low status activities. You have a wife and children, clearly you did something right at some point in time, assuming you sired the children. Many men aspire for a family and are not so fortunate as you.

I believe asking questions and advice shows self-awareness, a willingness to be criticized by others, and a desire for self-improvement. These are not qualities of a loser.

Translated to English:

This is a dumb "question", but I'm just flabbergasted in a low-key situation. I'm going to Mexico for my wife's friend's wedding. (I'm taking my small kids. It's gonna be something...) It happens to be over Mexico's first World Cup knock-out match. I don't like soccer (it's for the poors), but this falls under the "few-in-a-lifetime opportunities" category in my mind. The one guy I kind of know on the trip turned me down on going out to watch the game, because he hates crowds and sports. I've always struggled not to judge this guy as a loser (he sulks around and whines a lot), and this really doesn't help. Literally, I don't think any other person I know would turn down an invite like this. Am I being too harsh?

Am I being too harsh?

I fail to see what having no interest in crowds and sports has to do with being a loser. To such a person, a "few-in-a-lifetime" high-profile event would be more annoying, not less annoying.

(Disclaimer: There are several reasons for which I can be considered a loser, but I don't think that my lack of interest in crowds and sports is one of them.)

(Anecdote: In my freshman year of college, the university (or maybe just the engineering college—I don't recall the details) gave to every freshman a free ticket to a local baseball game and made a joking threat that everybody was required to attend it. I found it profoundly uninteresting, and left after the first inning (or maybe after the first half-inning—I don't recall the details).)

I fail to see what having no interest in crowds and sports has to do with being a loser.

It doesn't in and of itself. Correlation, but certainly not a given. I know lot's of guys that hate crowds and have no interest in soccer, every one of them in my circle would recognize this as a rare opportunity to do something interesting - something that "cool" people think is "cool". It's being unwilling to be uncomfortable for a limited period of time to partake in a rare enough opportunity that tends towards "loser" behavior.

I think baseball sucks as much as soccer, I don't live near a MLB team so when I am on a work trip in a city with one and get invited to an MLB game, I go. Because it's a semi-rare opportunity.

Anecdote from my freshman year of college. I found myself turning down invites because I liked watching pirated shows, and films. A few weeks in I decided to never turn down an invite unless I had a very good excuse. Not disappointed in that choice at all.

There are people that I would consider "cool" who would turn down such and invite, but got to amp up the "coolness" in some other areas to compensate.

Letting other people drag you to events that you hate sounds like textbook loser behavior to me.

[citation needed] ;)

I would actually pushed back on that pretty heavily. You could certainly find yourself in a social circle that is not suitable. If you're trad and all your friends are swingers. And I hold opposite gender coded stuff in a differently if you're heavily unbalanced getting drug to your wife's stuff that's a problem.

I have no qualms with someone that wants to live a loner life, have their online friends, a few people they play board games with etc. But I suspect that a lot of people saying that's all they want start complaining about - and they do deserve a lot of it - the foids.

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