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PaperclipPerfector  9mo ago (text post)   2746 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for August 6, 2023

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

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A lot of the time when dating comes up, someone will say “go and join your local church”. At least in my case, I go to (Catholic) Mass on Sundays but it’s a church service not a social occasion so I don’t meet people.

What people seem to mean is “join a community centred around a church” which is a rather different thing. Can anyone give me some advice about what kind of groups / notices I ought to look for? I’m not in Europe or America which makes things a bit harder.

Take on a leadership position at a charity endeavor with the church which would appeal to women, e.g., something to do with kids. Ask your priest about opportunities or projects which could use some help and then take on more responsibility than just participation. Could be something as easy as organizing weekend spaghetti cooks or fish fries. I have never been catholic so I'm not sure about the particular catholic flavor of these things.

In the US there is a charity called Big Brothers Big Sisters which is about mentoring poor/urban youth. It's easy to move up to supervisory/organizing positions and this, in my experience, was an excellent way to meet quality young women. In pretty much any endeavor it's important to look your best and having authority/respect or at least the perception of authority/respect is a great door opener.

Could be something as easy as organizing weekend spaghetti cooks or fish fries. I have never been catholic so I'm not sure about the particular catholic flavor of these things.

OP is in Asia(I'm guessing Singapore or Nagasaki?) so it might be different there, but in much of the world Catholic parishes never have women and men cooking at the same time- either the entirely-male Knights of Columbus or equivalent handle putting it on(this is most common with events like a fish fry, where attendees pay directly for plates at a big batch meal), or the ladies of whatever volunteer society have a potluck. The main exceptions would be either ethnic parishes, where there might be some kind of parish-wide ethnic food fundraiser(these are probably less common in Asia) or cartoonishly wealthy parishes where individual parishioners are able to feed the entire crowd.

Just fyi, but I'm a german catholic and our local youth organisation Messdiener (literally "mass servants", when I was still a kid we would be obligated to help with the mass ~once per month per person) as well as the katholische Landjugend (literally "catholic rural youth", technically different but generally speaking was just the same people as the Messdiener) include both men and women, and does these kinds of things. From the things I remember off the top of my hat, the yearly 2-weeks camping trips had plenty of supervising adults of both sexes present and dating was rampant both between adults as well as the kids (sometimes even between the two groups if the age differential wasn't too big), likewise charity events like "72-hours of help" which usually involved building and/or repairing houses for charitable accommodation or for religious events.

But for both groups it would be very unusual to join only as an adult.

Your goal isn't necessarily to meet a girl, it could also be to meet her family. There are probably more single girls than guys in the church, and at a degree of remove many more. Many girls won't like a set up from family, skip those women.

Look for opportunities to volunteer. Time Talent and Treasure; the ones you happen to have give to the church. Work will cause you to interact with and get to know people.

Nothing gives you more credibility with a woman than the respect of others.

Catholic Church looking to meet women? Check their young adult groups, probably advertised in the bulletin which no one normally reads. You might also just be in the wrong parish- in the USA at least there are definitely parishes with young people and parishes without. You might also check to see what your diocese has on offer for non-parish based activities. I’m assuming you’re in a western-ish developed country because you’re asking about dating; most dioceses in wealthy countries have diocese-wide young adult events at least occasionally.

Thanks, I’ll try that.

Maybe it's a protestent thing, ours has a fellowship hour following service every Sunday. There's tea, coffee, pastries, fruit, sandwiches, etc., in the fellowship hall.

There are also bible study groups, and opportunities for volunteering in support of church activities.

Why can't it be a church service and a social occasion? Does anyone linger to chat? Is there a bulletin, worship guide or website that lists upcoming activities? Are there any organized activities for the feast days?

I've only lived in Europe and the US, my experience may not translate.

Thanks for the advice! I’ll have a look. It’s a big city church in Asia, with services every couple of hours. Possibly too big. I could look for something smaller and more local but I’m not really spoilt for choice. There are lots of missionaries from evangelical sects but that’s not really my kind of thing. Still, I’ll keep an eye out for such things at my church.

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