bolido_sentimental
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User ID: 205
bolido_sentimental
3mo ago
What is the right way to consume poetry?
I would like to achieve a greater understanding of poetry and the canon of great poets; and I have many books of those in my house. But I'm not really clear on how people read poems, I guess. Like, with a novel, I sit down and read for as long as I feel like. Maybe a whole hour in a row or whatever. With poetry, the length is not on the same scale, and you're not typically following a plot or a narrative or anything. Poetry enjoyers, any insight you can provide would be appreciated.
bolido_sentimental
5mo ago
This is a question which has been asked here before, as well as in similar places, but more ideas are always welcome.
Through career progression and timely company changes, next week I will be starting a job at which I will earn far more money than I ever expected to make at any point in my life. My cost of living has not scaled with this at all. Something on the order of 15-20% of my income will amply cover all my needs. The rest is just gravy.
With this being the case: what are some ways in which I can use a surplus of money to improve my life?
bolido_sentimental
1yr ago
On Free Association vs. Exclusion, or: can white people just do stuff together?
Yesterday I went to church. I would estimate that there are about 150 people at my church. There are exactly three people of color there:
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One black teenaged girl, who I believe is the adoptive daughter of a white couple there.
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One old guy called Antonio, who I think came from Argentina a long time ago.
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A Hispanic woman who is the wife of an old white guy.
The demographics of this church are, basically, the demographics of the immediately surrounding neighborhoods and of this demonination nationally: the people who go there go there because A.) they live close by and B.) they think the EFCA has good teachings to offer about God, the world etc. Everyone comes there of their own free will; all are explicitly welcome. We have never turned anyone away - I am one of the greeters and I try to take seriously my responsibility to make anyone that arrives feel welcome.
Still, when thinking about this, something apparent to me is that this church has no racial diversity. Are we under a moral obligation to try and change that?
If we are: why is that? How did we incur it? Is it not enough to be welcoming, do we need to actively change our demographic composition? What if, as seems to be the case, there are hardly any non-white people that want to come to our church?
If we are not: why is that? Other voluntary organizations come under pressure to diversify, all the time - see "knitting too white," "hiking too white," etc. Would our church not qualify because it's too small? Because it isn't a business? Because we do not have any status to award? Because we have no social media presence?
There is a black church less than four miles away - I cannot imagine them ever coming under pressure to diversify, even though they have the same level of diversity as my church does. Why should that be? I can already think of the Conflict Theory explanation - but what would the Mistake Theory explanation for that be?
I guess what I'm wondering about or driving at is, as my title indicates - is there any limiting principle to the drive for making groupings reflect the population distribution of the country as a whole? Are there organizations for which it would be unreasonable to ask this - or are there simply only organizations whose undiversity hasn't been noticed? I'm not asking this out of any animosity towards any racial group; we would really just like for everyone to come to our church. I just find myself wondering why similar bodies, who didn't choose their racial composition at all, nevertheless come under criticism for that, and some don't.
bolido_sentimental
6mo ago
This is fascinating. I wonder what the scope or reach of this movement is. I'd never heard of it.
bolido_sentimental
10mo ago
A major implication of this is that, even if you are able to provide perfect equality of opportunity, groups will still have different outcomes because of their differing inherent ability. As a result, for example, cognitively-demanding (and high-status, high-compensation) professions will never reflect the distribution of groups in society; instead they would be occupied mostly by members of groups with higher ability. The alternative to this is to weigh the scales: to hire based on some attribute other than merit alone, which many find to be unfair.
And these "good" professions are just one example - you would expect to see this phenomenon in every area of human endeavor where ability comes into play.
Could you please share some anecdotes from your lives of successfully asking people out?
For context: there's a girl I really like in my small group from church. This group is going to stop meeting at the end of the month, after which I'd only see her occasionally unless I make it happen otherwise. So I'm going to give it a shot; I can't die wondering what might have been, I know I have to at least try. She and I have a pretty good relationship, which includes an interesting kind of bantering back-and-forth, and we've had some nice conversations in odd occasional moments; I already have her phone number, and we've been inside each other's residences. But we've never spent time together one on one, and I've not expressed my romantic feelings for her.
It's strange for me to be posting this, in that I actually have asked girls out before. Indeed I've done it lots of times, and had success on enough occasions that I know I could possibly succeed again. I've had several relationships; I am sure if I put my mind to it, I can think of some fun way we can spend time together such that, if she actually says yes, we may have a good time. I'm pretty weird-looking tbh but that's never really stopped me before. As Red Green put it, "If they don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy." I'm pretty handy. Or something.
I'm just really psyching myself about it. She and I are both in that late-20s/early-30s stage of life where, at least for me, actually forming an emotional connection to someone before asking them out has become kind of uncommon - that's something I remember from middle/high school, before the adult world of swiping on apps. I'm scared, because it is scary! I really want to not fuck it up - even if she says no, which to my mind is the most likely outcome, I am determined to at least make my best effort and give a good account of myself. So - if anyone can tell me about a time where things did work out for you, it would be most helpful, if only to put some positive images in my mind. Any other advice, pep talk, etc. is also welcome.
bolido_sentimental
10mo ago
Right, what you're describing here are major elements of the pro-HBD position. Most people on this forum, including myself, agree with you about this.
Be sure to consider as well the nature of the opposing viewpoint. Many people strongly value what they consider as fairness. The idea that some people are disadvantaged in life, through no fault of their own but only through an accident of their birth, strikes them as being unfair. I agree that it is unfair, though it's unfair on a sort of cosmic level, not in a way that should affect who becomes a neurosurgeon for instance.
But there is a worthwhile question to consider in it, one which I think Freddie DeBoer touches on at times: if there is a group of people who are natively less intelligent, does that mean they are destined to have worse lives? Is it right that they should have worse lives? It is important to bear in mind that intelligence is not equal to humanity. I can understand why, when you see one group of people having lives which appear to be worse in many areas, one would feel called upon to try and help that situation and correct it. But as you can see in the real world, when this desire is also motivated by false premises, it can lead to injustice too.
bolido_sentimental
1yr ago
Do any of you keep diaries or journals?
If so - what do you write in there? What format do you use: notebook, digital, etc.? And how long have you kept it up?
bolido_sentimental
6mo ago
Does anyone have experience with "fear of childbirth"?
I've met several women in the last few years who have indicated that they don't intend to have children, and have cited this as the primary reason why - a dread of the actual physical process of childbearing and giving birth. This isn't something I remember hearing or reading about prior to the last few years. Is this an emergent phenomenon, or one which is increasing? Or is it just one which was never inside my bubble? Is it transient, or treatable? Do women commonly try to cure or overcome it, or is it perhaps a cover for other reasons?
I don't mean this question judgmentally. Everyone has the right to use their body as they think best. Just trying to gain insight.
bolido_sentimental
7mo ago
Does anyone have advice about how to restart your creativity or imagination? This is a strange question, I know.
When I was a bit younger, I was a very keen creative writer. I always carried a notebook with me, and usually within a couple of months I'd have filled it up with ideas and would need to get a new one. I always had some short story or longer project in progress, and if I finished or got stuck with one, it was never long before I had a new idea to work on. As I've aged into my mid-30s, and settled into a steady career and routine, I feel like this has slowed down immensely. Recently I realized that I'd carried the same notebook for over a year, and it still wasn't full. I try to fill my life with new stimuli, but somehow it is as though these don't want to congeal into new writing ideas. It's not so much a question of putting time into it exactly - I have time in which I can do things like this. But if I sit down and just try to force it, I end up getting bored, frustrated, and distracted, and walk away to do something else.
Is this a normal side effect of aging and life becoming more stable and boring? If this has happened to you, did you find any effective countermeasure?
bolido_sentimental
5mo ago
Can you describe how these instructions are given to you? Does your manager tell you this directly? Are these commands issued to your whole team from somewhere else?
What charitable organizations, activist groups, political entities etc. do you donate to? I'm finding that I have enough slack in the budget each month that I'd like to support some good causes. Starting off with some local orgs but keen for more ideas.
bolido_sentimental
1mo ago
How are you finding the cardio? It sounds like you and I have both similar exercise histories, and almost exactly the same weight lol.
I have really been considering following a similar plan to you; I just find it hard to make myself do cardio because it bores me. But it sounds like between that and diet you're having success that would make it worthwhile.
bolido_sentimental
1yr ago
How did you spend your Easter?
The girl I like invited me to Easter dinner at her sister's house. It was a little bit awkward sitting around watching the golf with the men after dinner, so I went out back and played soccer with the kids, which was delightful. Someone needs to teach them all to defend without fouling though. Just because I'm 2.5 times their size doesn't mean they can kick me all over the yard smh.
bolido_sentimental
1yr ago
Sometimes I think about how it seems like when new TV shows are made, in America anyway, the default locations are always Los Angeles and New York. And as I understand it, the companies that make them are pretty much all based in those places.
Does it work this way in other countries? Are German television shows always based in Berlin, or in Munich? Are Italian shows always in Rome? Or do you also have studios operating out of Turin, Milan, and Florence?
It seems to me like making a television show is not such an expensive undertaking that you couldn't have more local or regional variants. Why do you not have, for instance, a Cleveland-based studio making Cleveland-set programming for the NE Ohio market? Is it not profitable? Has it been tried and failed? Is it happening and I just don't know about it?
bolido_sentimental
16d ago
What does your after-work routine look like? I feel like I'm in a bit of a rut in the way I spend my time. Curious what other people do.
bolido_sentimental
5mo ago
Can you provide more information about what, exactly, is bad with regards to your skin? Is it specifically bad acne of some kind?
bolido_sentimental
8mo ago
Strongly doubt it occurs to them. Almost definitionally, people in underclasses work in jobs that do not ask for resumes. I did a lot of those jobs when I was younger, and met a lot of people who, I am pretty sure, went their whole lives and will die having never made a resume.
This is one non-HBD reason that is often given for why big gaps persist across generations. Those people never meet or interact with anyone who can model the actions that result in middle- or higher class lives.
bolido_sentimental
1yr ago
Tomorrow I'm leaving for a business trip of about two weeks' duration. What are the main things I should really avoid forgetting to pack?
Yeah, I already know that. It has been many years since I saw a weight loss thread on the Internet that did not contain that advice. It's true information, I don't dispute it.
I need to do cardio for my general physical well-being. Plus I like to play sports that involve running, and doing cardio will improve my performance and endurance.
I did NaNoWriMo for about ten years, and was the organizer of it in my city for two. When I started as a 20-year-old, I had no idea what it took to write a novel. By the end of my time doing it, I had "won" multiple times and knew that I could sustain big projects as long as it took to finish.
NaNoWriMo, as an exercise, is one of the best things I've ever done for my creative life. There's just no substitute for getting words on paper. 90% of it may be trash, but the 10% where you're really feeling it and it turns out well, it's extremely fulfilling and motivating.
I eventually concluded I had gotten all I could out of it. The community aspect of it is effectively moribund now. In 2020 and 2021, NaNoWriMo HQ forbade official in-person meetings, regardless of whatever local Covid regulations were. Additionally as you can imagine, as a San Francisco-based organization, their official messaging has become extremely woke in recent years. NaNoWriMo is the prime personal example from my own life of entryists making something much worse than it was at inception. Still, every city is different and you may meet some interesting people. A core aspect of NaNoWriMo is "write-ins," where you gather with other WriMos and grind out word count in a coffee shop or something. It's a nice accountability feature.
bolido_sentimental
10mo ago
What are you guys doing on Juneteenth? I have a random day off. Trying to decide if I want to go for a drive to some random town an hour away. I have no idea if there's anything there - probably there isn't. But it would be neat to find out.
When I was 14, George W. Bush was president. I don't know about the average, but there was a definitely a phase around the time American Idiot came out where it seemed like all anyone in my high school was doing was dunking on W. And this was in Tennessee.
This could definitely have been my personal bubble though. In 2004, I didn't know what a "bubble" was.
Yesterday I obtained a new cat. She is ten months old and very precious.
In my house, she has opted to hide either in my closet, under my bed, or under my couch the entire time. I cannot be sure she has eaten or drunk anything, though she did use the litterbox well. I am always keeping food and water available to her.
Can you advise me on how to handle this situation? Or even offer reassurance? I feel very concerned for her.
Can someone explain to me: engagement rings, wedding rings, and wedding bands?
In the normal course of events, how many total rings are involved? Which ones are meant to have big gems on them, and which ones aren't?
Are there some sort of trends in what they're made of, what gems are common to use, etc.? (I've only ever heard of diamond, but I really don't know.)
I guess following on from that: is it really a common action to do the one-knee, surprise, "Will you marry me?" thing? Would you or did you do this? If you are the recipient of a wedding proposal, how would you want that to happen?
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