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PaperclipPerfector  5d ago (text post)   1537 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for January 2, 2026

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Hamburger is the pinnacle of human food, the zenith of an unguided evolutionary process. The taste which appeals to everyone from children and childish picky eaters to people who have personal chefs all around the globe, the way how it slots into logistics and economics to make it ubiquitous and cheap rivalled only by instant ramen, but with actual protein and with no need for utensils or even for sitting down to consume.

allow me to ressurect my only aaqc on burger construction

Yeah. You're right. Kenji (of serious eats) likes to call them culinary endpoints.

culinary endpoint: a creation so perfect in its simplicity that it cannot be improved upon, only tweaked.

Triumph of American cuisine. Frankly, the German hamburg steak that inspired it might as well be a different dish all together. More of a flat meatball than a burger.

The invention of the cheeseburger is entirely American. Thin patties, soft buns and Kraft's American cheese. Ketchup and mustard were used sporadically, but was only normalized once Heinz and French's (both American companies) standardized shelf-stable ketchup and yellow mustard respectively.

Germanic-associated street food must be the secret. I agree in general with your high esteem of the German-American burger. But perhaps the collision of the Ottomans and Gerries presents a challenger in the döner sandwich.

Kebab slices stuffed inside a pita cut open on one side with sauces and a healthier mix of raw vegetables — now the go-to snack for urban krauts headed to a soccer game or stumbling home from the bar — didn’t take its current form until the 1970s in (West) Berlin. One to watch in terms of growth. And I’m personally happy to have seen a döner stand open in my metro area here in the States.

Kebab slices stuffed inside a pita cut open on one side with sauces and a healthier mix of raw vegetables

The German-Ottomans cuisine collision shows signs of convergent evolution with Mexican cuisine. Most Döner Kebab places now sell more "Dürüm" than traditional pita-based Döners. And a Dürüm is basically just a Döner-Burrito.

Dürüms have better filling-to-bread ratios than Döners, are even easier to eat than their pita ancestors, and (probably an artifact of German Döner culture) are a bit larger than a Döner and thus closer in calories to a full meal.

In my book, it's a strict improvement on the concept of Kebab sandwiches.

Counterpoint: pizza exists.

Way worse macronutrient profile than the hamburger/cheeseburger.

I went to Australia in 2003 and one night tried to ask the delivery girl for Hamburger pizza. I could hear her suppressing a laugh. Little did I know I should have just asked for a beef pizza. Or something.

A year or so ago on pizza night I decided to make, in addition to my usual pepperoni, spicy chicken, and regular margherita, a cheeseburger pizza. I mentioned this to an acquaintance who bizarrely asked "Why"?

Some people simply have no taste.

Yeah but have you had None Pizza With Left Beef?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/None_Pizza_with_Left_Beef

I suppose the best answer to that question is "Not yet."

I wonder why chicken tendies have not achieved as much popularity in the fast-food sphere.

They totally have in my region.

Can't go a block without running into a Raising Cane's, Popeyes, or occasionally both.

McGangbang is an absolute all-timer food

Tendies are kind of a one-note taste (and the sauce is doing most of the work anyway); the sandwiches, and the flavor profile of beef compared to chicken, are also more complicated. There's less room for condiments as well since most of the sandwiches that contain one large tendie as patty always only consist of lettuce, pickle, maybe a tomato, and mayo/sauce (and again, a lot of fried/breaded chicken is simply a vehicle for the sauce or gravy, which is not true for a hamburger).

Of course, the real move there is to just get the nuggets/strips on the side with your hamburger in place of the fries. Most fast-food places don't really do fries well anyway (they constantly forget to salt them and a lot of the time they just taste kind of bad to begin with, or are cold when you get home compared to tendies which have more thermal mass) so it's kind of a waste to get them these days.

The price per pound of a broiler chicken compared to beef has been going down for the past 30 years. It's about 30% of the price now, but was 50% of the price back in 1990.

Chicken tenders are a relatively valuable part of the chicken, so I'm guessing that tenders would have been too expensive for fast food.

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Depending on where you're located, there are fast-food chains who offer nothing but these.

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