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PaperclipPerfector  1mo ago (text post)   3395 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for February 13, 2026

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Paging @Closedshop.

I decided I need a cologne. My problem is, I hate so many basic scents I have no idea what to look for. To be more specific:

  • I hate vetiver. My wife uses essential oil of vetiver for medicinal purposes, and it smells like someone poured water on a burning birch log.
  • I hate patchouli. My wife had both Messe de Minuit and Patchouly by Etro, and they smelled like a damp, musty, mildewy cellar.
  • I hate... I don't know what's inside Pot Pourri by Santa Maria Novella, but it smells like healthcare. Like some 19th century ointment.
  • UPD Turns out there was a full bottle of Penhaligon's Racquets Formula in my wife's perfume closet that my mom got me a long time ago, and... I hate it as well.

Practically everything from your post features either patchouli or vetiver. I have no idea where to start if I can't stand either of them.

Smells I like: sea, pines (and conifers in general), pipe tobacco, coffee, citrus, chocolate, cherry, vanilla, rain, wild mushrooms, leather.

Why do you want cologne? The best smell is no smell, just be clean. I’ve never once had someone walk by me surrounded by a miasma of perfume and thought to myself “How wonderful! How intoxicating!”

@Rov_Scam @TowardsPanna @SubstantialFrivolity

Sorry CHUD,

•You WILL choke on a cloud of my generously applied Drakkar Noir cologne

•You WILL be blinded by the glare of my 10mm gold Cuban chain

•You WILL cope, seethe and dilate in jealousy at my forty-thousand dollar Rolex

•You WILL purchase a reasonably priced certified pre-owned European import sports car from my automotive dealership, subject to in-house financing options

And you will be happy

The thought of this made me seethe ngl

So much cologne. What can men do against such based posting?

You WILL be blinded by the glare of my 10mm gold Cuban chain

I love the term because whenever I see one, I just picture it on an old Miami Cuban dude in a straw fedora and a linen shirt.

  1. Really? When a woman passes me with an enticing perfume I think something very much along those lines. Perhaps with a bit more eroticism.
  2. Even so, perfume and cologne is generally supposed to be personal-space-percieved only. Scent is your strongest sense for memory. It fosters emotional connection between humans, point blank. Absolutely worth the $25/year to have some.

perfume and cologne is generally supposed to be personal-space-percieved only.

Which is fine, provided the personal space is limited to someone who is kissing you. It does not extend to the entire elevator.

When a woman passes me with an enticing perfume I think something very much along those lines. Perhaps with a bit more eroticism.

In other words, you can put it with cars and athletic ability in the category of things men think impress women because they impress other men. I have never once heard a woman compliment a man for his cologne or tell me they liked the smell of a guy's cologne. I have heard a lot of women complaining about guys who wear too much cologne.

We're all sharing anecdotes here but I have historically received dozens of cologne compliments, and still get one occasionally. Other buddies have too.

I also was criticized when I overdid it for a month or two. I think a great deodorant and 1 spray of decent cologne (along with bathing!) is a good combo.

I have never once heard a woman compliment a man for his cologne

I have.

Hell, I've been the guy who's gotten complemented for his colonge!

I'll be the first person to criticize men and women who go overboard, but that doesn't mean people hate it completely.

perfume and cologne is generally supposed to be personal-space-percieved only

When has that ever been true?

There's a good reason why perfume is banned in some places. Pushing your personal preference for smell on others in a way they can't ignore is rude.

I'm saying that by convention you should only be doing 1-2 sprays. It may be more intense in the morning but it shouldn't be suffocating to others.

It's going to be way too strong no matter what.

Really? When a woman passes me with an enticing perfume I think something very much along those lines. Perhaps with a bit more eroticism.

Different strokes, I suppose. I find perfume to be actively off-putting. Thankfully, my wife is not a perfume kind of gal.

Any smell is disgusting and rude, it is the equivalent of black kids blasting music on their phone on the subway. Hard to believe, but the smell of a Yankee Candle store does not give me an erection. I disallow my wife from using any scented products at all.

Disallow her, do you?

Several months ago I was on a train headed to wherever, and I believe a Korean guy sat next to me (Japanese men tend to avoid scents, at least when going to work). The Korean guy was wearing some sort of cologne, or eau de toilette or whatever--the smell hit me immediately. Suddenly I was standing outside a shower where the person exiting had become cleaner than imaginable. To use the word "soapy" would be an injustice to the scent. I wish that I had the gift of describing smells, because this one transported me to a place I did not know existed. I found myself purposefully inhaling through my nose. I felt that I could sit by this man for hours, for the rest of the day, or maybe even life, and not complain. We could be friends, I could accompany him to places as a colleague. Were I slightly more fey I might have even turned to him and asked "Hey what kind of cologne are you wearing?" but I could not summon a way to ask it without feeling a permanent burning shame. This, I thought suddenly, must be what they mean by pheromones.

Yet I did not desire him. Aroma alone was not, alas, enough to alter my sexuality. I've only once smelled this same cologne on another guy, and that was on a down escalator in Namba station. It was unmistakeable. Enough to make me appreciate smell as a sense--we really don't, you know. We so easily forget it when we hold our noses at the farts and Durian and milk that's gone off. We put on masks and take antihistamines against the pollen.

And I've sought out this fragrance, I will admit to you now. I went in a high-end department store and wandered the kiosks, served by heavily made-up, but otherwise very attractive women, or suited, thin men who seemed overly enthusiastic. I tried Diptyque, Chanel, Maison Margiela, a lot of those on the list written by @Closedshop nine months ago. Nothing matched. Maybe it has to do with contact with skin or something. No idea. But I've never found the smell, and I don't even know if I did find it if I could bring myself to buy it. It seems like too much--too much energy, too much might. Like the ring of power, maybe you shouldn't be putting it on after all. Cast it into the fire, Isildur! And what if it only attracted a bunch of middle-aged men? Like I had men suddenly wanting to sit next to me, half-poised to ask me the same question I myself could not ask. That would be not good. What if my wife hated it? Or thought it meant I was trolling for attention from women?

If I could find it I imagine I would keep it all in the bottle, and come home some nights and close the door and uncap it and hold it to my nose, just briefly, like pinching the leaf of a lemon balm plant and smelling your fingers. Just a whiff. Or maybe I'd pour it into a handkerchief and snort it like modeling glue until the high put me on the floor. I don't know. It's hard to project how I would react if I had an unlimited supply of my own. Maybe that is what made it so amazing. Maybe if I did have it I'd tire of it, like a girlfriend. One day the thrill is gone.

As it is at least I know that smell exists out there somewhere, and tomorrow could be the day I encounter it again, though probably not if I am seeking it out by walking through Daimaru or wherever.

This whole wordy post just to say I suppose I get you. I don't like most perfumes. When I passed through the Dubai airport once I felt every Arab man there was doused in Paco Rabanne. It cloyed. And don't get me started on women whose hairspray, skin creme, and perfume create a baroque war in the nostrils.

But I've been to the mountaintop. And I've smelled the promised scent.

Still interesting that you disallow your wife to put on fragrance. I guess she's okay with this?

If you've already gone through all of the designer brands (brands that are not perfume-only, such as Hermes, Chanel, and Dior. These are generally found in department stores such as Nordstrom, Bloomingdales, and Macy's, as well as Sephora and Ulta) I'd suggest you look into niche brands (brands that only create perfumes and perfume themed products, such as room sprays, body wash, candles, and diffusers). I'll try to suggest a few for you. Let me know if you've smelled any of these before:

Byredo Blanche Absolu de Parfum: To me, this is what comes to mind when you describe the scent as soapy. Byredo has a lot of clean, soapy scents, so I'd suggest you try their entire lineup. There are similarities to Lazy Sunday Morning, but to me, this is superior. Speaking of Lazy Sunday Morning, Maison Margiela also has Bubble Bath and Beach Walk, in case you haven't given them a try yet. They both give me a clean, fresh, soapy feel.

MFK 724: This one has specifically been described as clean and soapy. I've smelled it and I concur. I like it a lot, but because I already have a couple of this style of scent, I won't be getting it for now. Along the same line from MFK as well is the Aqua Universalis line from MFK.

Nonfiction Gentle Night: This one is a bit of a shot in the dark (tbh these all are), but Nonfiction is a Korean brand, so there may be a connection. I've smelled this only once, and I do remember it reminding me of washed laundry. I really only remembered this because you said the guy was Korean, but their scents are actually all fairly good. My Korean ex loved this company.

Shiro FREESIA MIST: This is also more of a shot in the dark. Shiro is a Japanese brand and most of their perfumes are of a fresh nature. Freesia Mist leans more feminine, and is slightly off theme, being more fruity and fresh rather than soapy, but to me it smells like a very high quality shower gel. I'd suggest this to you just to try it even if it's not The scent.

Hope you find what you're looking for.

Mission: Activated

edit: Thank you for taking the time to write this up

I wish that I had the gift of describing smells

I also wish you had it, because now I am intrigued.

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