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PaperclipPerfector  3mo ago (text post)   2810 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for January 26, 2024

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Has anyone else gone through a period in adult life where you realize you've kind of forgotten how to actually have fun?

I'm not talking about just zoning out to a video game, but joyous laugh-out-loud relaxing fun. For me I feel I've gotten so bogged down with job issues, health issues, and planning for the future that even when I carve out 'free time' I never fully relax and just have fun.

Anyone relate? Or have stories on how they got out of such a mode?

Disconcertingly large parts of adulthood feel essentially anhedonic to me, frankly. The rare oases of unqualified fun and pleasure are moments to be treasured.

I would think of times when you remember having fun and try to recreate not necessarily the activities but the conditions under which you had the fun.

For example, these were some of my conditions:

  • Being in an all male social group
  • Trying to impress a woman I liked
  • Spontaneity/no pressure to follow a plan
  • Something physically active
  • Open-ended/not time-bound
  • Outdoors
  • Traveling across the U.S. by car
  • Cooperative/non-competitive activity
  • No upcoming commitments

Then, find something that checks as many of those boxes as you can. I think the negative ("freedom from") conditions are perhaps more important than the positive ones, FWIW.

Can you really forget how to have fun? Thats like saying you can forget how to feel hungry. I'm pretty sure the Last Psychiatrist can cook up an argument as to how you can, and definitely did. But, I'd wager for the most part, you are just not having fun plain and simple.

I've noticed that the quality of my social life has significantly fallen as I've grown up. And the number of things to worry about has significantly risen (No shit). And kid me wouldn't have enjoyed this state of being either. Adult me didn't forget to have fun, he just has a lot more headwinds to have fun.

I think the "forgetting" thing is a good cope, because you can ignore the fact that thigns probably took a turn for the worse in the objective sense, and you will have to actually put in a lot of work to fix them.

No I think we’re just arguing over semantics. Yes things have been tough in my life for various reasons but things have been worse in the past and I’ve been able to have fun regardless. So maybe it’s a bit of both.

Indeed.

I have fairly specific tastes in fun, which tend to revolve around "adventure." The adventure doesn't have to be distant or expensive, but it does have to be surprising (I once had a nice little adventure getting stuck in a snowy ditch in an acquaintance's neighborhood). Once my husband and I got stranded in a distant state due to a polar vortex, and just kept driving around, finding a place to stay each nice. It was great fun.

This is much more difficult and expensive with young children.

America has a great many good qualities, but opportunities for socially interesting spontaneity (especially with children and no close relatives nearby!) are not among them, and my husband and I tend to experience that as grueling sameness.

We'll probably just continue to be fairly boring while the kids are little, I guess?

Man, I relate to this comment so hard. You probably already know this, but you likely still have the "spark" you had before the kids came along. My wife and I went on a trip a few years back without our kids to another city where we intentionally made no plans. When we got up on the first morning it was exciting (another rare feeling!), and I found myself having pure fun just wandering around, teasing, flirting, and buying frivolous snacks and taking silly pictures just like we did when dating. It was a huge relief to know that I hadn't somehow lost that capacity under the crushing burden of fatherhood and family management. It's a memory that keeps me going when I feel oppressed by that grueling sameness.

Anyone relate?

I am in the bottom quantile of unfun quartile of people I know. From what I can observe, cjet79's advice sounds about right, as it includes many things I don't regularly do, and seems to include stuff socially adept, well-adjusted people apparently do.

I can anti-recommend things that I do a lot: lurking and occasionally posting on this forum, related areas on internet, most of the internet really, reading econometrics journals and books that were likely reviewed in the Economist.

That's a tight unforgiving place to be in. Just hate the job? How about family interaction?

Well, I suppose to some extent you did take responsibility when you married her. I’ve heard kids are tough in the early years, I imagine everyone is tested.

Hopefully everyone's healthy at least.

I've paradoxically kept my fun on a tight leash and never let it get too far away from me. I've dealt with some mild depression all my life, and fun is usually one of the only cures that works.

The key thing has always been friends. Finding and maintaining friendships has to be a full time priority (and keep a strong preference for IRL friends over virtual friends). Family can count towards this, but they should be a bare minimum. I'm also saying this as an introvert. I get exhausted hanging out with people too often. But friends once a week or every other week is still very important.

The things you do with friends matters less, but it should be something playful. And I mean "playful" in a very specific way. Slightly directed activities, loose goals, new situations. The goal here is to stimulate your brain and your body in new and unexpected ways. Playing a sport rather than going to the gym. Engaging in conversation and banter, rather than watching a show together. Visiting a new place rather than the same old haunts. It is best if these situations make you a little uncomfortable. Afterwards always try and have a story to describe the experience and sell it as something that was fun. You can tell these little stories to your parents and make them happy to still be in your life. Or just tell them to yourself. Either way you it will help you seal the memories as fun things you did. Even if they were not all that fun (those stories can be sold as, "well at least I know to never do that again!"). Over time you will train yourself to look for those fun stories, and to enjoy them even more in the moment.

Having fun in life and being happy in a fulfilled way is a long term project. Quick fixes exist, but those suffer from falling prey to the hedonic treadmill effect. Start finding friends and start making stories now. It might not feel like it is paying off for a while. But this problem you are feeling will not magically go away in a decade, it will only get worse.

If you want to hop on a video game with me and chat I'm available, you know my discord.

I agree with this, largely. The most important thing is activities with an unknown outcome. This is why some of the classic fun activities are things like going out to party to try to meet women, or to get into a fight, or gambling.

Getting drunk or high on a night out is fun to a point because the more fucked up you get the less predictable the outcome of the evening. Drinking and getting high by yourself, of course, has the opposite effect.

Agree with all of this - especially that hanging out in a not-very-goal-oriented environment is key. I would recommend checking local gaming clubs or hobby shops, and find an IRL weekly tabletop, card game, board game, or D&D group looking for recruits. Then you just have to show up, bring some snacks, and play some low-stakes games.

This is great advice.

Finding and maintaining friendships has to be a full time priority (and keep a strong preference for IRL friends over virtual friends).

I know this is an age old question. But where do you find friends? If you feel comfortable, can you tell me where you, specifically, found friends? I've got some great friends online, but in real life, not too many pickings; I don't do much other than work and go home and practice a hobby or two, though it helps that I am friends with my boss and my family.

But where do you find friends?

Anywhere and everywhere. If you have an excuse to talk with someone its a potential avenue of friendship.

College, work, rec sports, neighbors, friends of friends, non-profit work, etc.

Some cheat codes:

  1. Try and just be friends with at least one super social person, and then piggyback off their many friendships. I'm currently lucky to have a set of super social next door neighbors. We've met quite a few other people through them.
  2. Volunteer to help an organization's recruitment. Its painful if you are an introvert. But it gives you an active excuse to be friendly and approach people. As a guy this matters, because it removes some creep factor.
  3. Rec sports are great, especially team ones. Nothing builds to easy social interactions faster than some physical competition or team work with others.

I don't know what your health and altheticism levels are, but if they aren't blockers you should try to find some social sports activity. Specifics are very location dependent.

A recreational cycling group, beer league softball, curling, dodgeball at the local rec center. There should be something you can do and enjoy.

Running around until you're exhausted with a group is good for stress and should lead to more lol type moments when everyone is tired.

Have you tried drinking?

Yes I have! I find life overall it better without it. Besides even while drunk I didn’t usually have much fun. When I did I barely remembered it.

How is the reduced booze attempt going? Have you managed to eliminate drinking completely?

Not completely, but I have only had alcohol 4 times in the last two months - only two of those involved getting actually drunk. Which is a huge reduction for me.

It does not solve the root cause, same for drugs.

Everything doesn't have solve root causes. Sometime you just need some pain relief and be reminded of what having fun is like.

Obviously you shouldn't rely on alcohol as your long-term solution having fun.

I know, its just that I feel worse whenever I do take any intoxicants because I feel like I do not deserve it for being not as hard working and consistent as I should, it is a terrible position to be in.

Me since age 16, I am 23 now, co-founder of a startup and I am stuck in my room all day. I want to move back to Gurugram where I can occasionally visit nightclubs but even that feels futile, I feel empty when not working and that makes me less likely to work, its a vicious feedback loop. Everything feels empty, I never have enough energy to work and cannot feel happy whenever I am back in my hometown.

Even going to nightclubs is now hard since I recently discovered what STDs are and feel bad. It is a strange phenomenon, I would greatly appreciate if anyone had any advice on how to feel fulfilled when working on a long-term goal or being an adult, is it just meditation or what?

Seconding @ares that exercise is most important. Just going for a walk can help a lot.

It's easy to get stuck in the loop of

  1. I need to work
  2. I don't have the energy to work
  3. I need to engage in an energy-building activity like exercise or seeing friends
  4. I don't deserve to spend time on that because I need to work
  5. I still don't have energy to work
  6. I'll do a mindless energy-draining activity like videogames instead
  7. Repeat

Very important to recognize and break that loop. If you're not working enough then you have time to not work for another 2 hours and do something actually refreshing.

Ouch. Hopefully an STD that can be relatively successfully dealt with with antibiotics.

I would rather use condoms, avoid girls with a high likelihood of them and get vaccines. I do not want to get one ever. Feels scary.

Ah I misunderstood your post I suppose. When you wrote you "discovered what STDs are" I took it as euphemistic, not literally that you had never heard of STDs until recently.

That sounds like regular old depression. There's plenty of info out there about how to deal with depression. For me, getting some sunlight on my skin every morning and working out 4x/week for 30+ minutes does more for my mental health than anything my psychiatrist recommended.

I know, I think I am depressed, I do not know what happiness feels like, I always feel like I have not worked enough.

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