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PaperclipPerfector  1mo ago (text post)   4557 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for January 16, 2026

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Fellow Mottizens, I have a most shameful confession to make. Despite being a card-carrying member of the notorious player coffee haters, I have been living a lie.

I have been settling for coffee straight from a Keurig.

I hear your gasps and mutterings! I know! There's no excusing my behavior! For the sake of explanation, however, I will simply state that my coffee roaster was in desperate need of cleaning, which between my limited bandwidth and the tremendous amount of buildup in the roaster, became a fucking project.

That project has been completed, and I am happy to report that after two roasts, I can now confidently say we are back, baby! You see, the first roast, while good, was just muddled enough that I had some doubts. I could say for sure that the annoying meat-like savory note that cropped up was gone, as was the slight but persistent rancid flavor that often accompanied it, so it sure seemed like the cleaning had been effective. However, my coffee, a fine Ethiopian Dry Process from Hambela, while quite tasty and definitely a significant step up flavor-wise, failed to overwhelm me with its magnificence! What had happened, I asked myself. I knew that the roast had taken several minutes longer than usual, a definite potential issue, especially since hotter, faster roasts with my roaster tend to produce better coffee IME. Damn that cold snap! Or perhaps the beans were showing their age and indeed, they were no longer fresh from the vendor and quite possibly past their prime. Or, worse still, had my palate atrophied in the intervening time? Was I no longer able to enjoy the subtle depths of a premium cuppa? True, I could definitely taste fruity sweetness in many sips, as well as a chocolate note, yes, likely baker's chocolate, but outside of the traditional, relatively refined delicacy of a nice pour-over, I didn't get anything definite from the roast, despite enjoying it for over a week. The tasting notes indicated that there should be blueberry preserves, peach and dark plum notes in there, along with sorghum syrup (whatever that's supposed to taste like), and dried dates. I feared the worst.

The next roast, I brought out the big guns. You see, I still had a wee bit of another Ethiopian Dry Process from Guji, the infamous Gerbicho Rogicha. Hands down the best coffee to ever come out of my bullet, the Guji was even older than the Hambela before it, but I had nothing better in my inventory with which to test my skills and my palate. I roasted it on Sunday, another cold day, but managed to get it roasted three minutes faster than my previous batch, and happily locked it away waiting for it to out-gas and mature while I finished the Hambela. Today was my first cup of Guji, and I boy did it ever deliver the goods. The big notes that I remembered from the coffee were still there, slightly muted from their heights of peak freshness as they were. Still, it was deliciously reassuring to taste its bounty of flavors, from the pervasive limeade citrus note to the delicate floral sips as the cup cooled down, and an occasional-but-delicious strawberry fruitiness in-between. It was Good, and now I intend to roast down my burgeoning stores of green coffee and enjoy them while I still can. I even have two separate bags of Gesha to try out, which I look forward to roasting, and will do so as soon as I regain my roasting footage with a couple more batches. Stay thirsty and caffeinated, my friends!

@TowardsPanna

I usually avoid Keurig-like coffee in favor of tea or just water. But I would never say no to a properly brewed real coffee. I am not good enough to distinguish between the roasts but I appreciate the taste of it. I derive little benefit but taste from it - I can drink coffee late in the evening and sleep soundly, and I can drink it in the morning and feel nothing. I did feel some effects from Vietnamese coffee which is entirely different cup of drink, but for regular ones it's mostly for taste.

I'm a simple guy but for my money the moka pot makes a nice strong coffee that I can dump a bunch of milk into for something approaching a latte with espresso.

...

Yeah, that analogy checks out. IMAO what they are more than anything is convenient, but said convenience definitely comes with a price tag attached. I think these days that K-cups are over a dollar a pop when coming from a local grocery store, though the warehouse places like Costco, Sam's, BJ's, etc. will get you closer to .50 to .75 per cup, depending on brand, and below that for the house brands. So while the coffee might not be so fresh on the fourth or fifth cup from the good old automatic drip coffee maker, it'll be significantly less expensive.

...

The problem is the combination of price and quality. You're paying between 2-4x more for far worse coffee. The net overall value difference between fresh ground drip and Keurig is at least 10x.

Say what you will about Nespresso, but at least the cups are nominally recyclable and it tastes decent.

Store brand "donut shop" coffee brewed in the finest whatever machine was cheapest last time the coffeemaker broke, strong and black and a couple hours too old, with a big scoop of Ovaltine in it. Chug that shit and feel your power level rise like Goku. Yeah motherfucker, you're not enjoying an artisinal craft, you're getting ready to start a 3AM shift overseeing a loading dock and you need the RAW POWER to SCREAM at people who probably don't know English until they admit that they do and stop fucking up.

...

Judging by the tales of Russian mandatory army service, you do not need a common language in order to get your point across.

I am in awe of your coffee game, fellow Mottizen. I can practically taste the bitter mochaltine flavor from here!

I have been settling for coffee straight from a Keurig.

I don't drink coffee at all, and my wife drinks instant coffee. I don't think you've been settling for anything at all.

No. No, no no. Don't excuse the Keurig use by @Muninn. It's a machine that exemplifies everything wrong about late-stage capitalism and the infantile American palate.

Just talking through it should be enough. Here's the "pitch": we're going to take a tiny, 9-gram dose of coffee and grind it to immediately start the process of decay. We're going to entomb it in a 3-gram amalgamation of aluminum and plastic - just enough to make sure nothing can be recycled, and packed full of air so idiotic consumers don't realize how much we're ripping them off.

We'll design machines with the lowest-grade plastic available, full of shiny surfaces that attract fingerprints. Each one a crime of industrial design: Debossed KEURIG front-and-center, pathetic blacks and greys, chunky cup holders that eat up so much vertical space that no meaningful drip dray can exist, and side-saddle water reservoirs to even destroy the tiny mercy of symmetry. No water filtration necessary! The algae growing in the poorly maintained office example should make it into every cup. While we're at it, let's spread that coffee dose around 3 different water sizes, spitting in the face of ratios, and make sure we only have one brewing temperature (Nuclear Hot) as insurance against someone tasting the slop we're pouring out. A scalded taste bud can be abused with impunity.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. The coffee's bad enough, but there's a whole secondary ecosystem of "hot chocolate" and "apple cider" HFCS delivery systems that the underclass loves to puncture with those plastic needles, just to hasten the day they need to do the same with insulin and their skin.

I respect spooning instant coffee into the bottom of a mug 10,000x more than the animal self-cruelty of using the worst fast-coffee system ever devised.

You're absolutely right, of course, my choices have been inexcusable. I denounce myself!

Now I feel self-conscious, so I invite you to judge my own coffee-making procedure, which is roughly:

  • put coffee beans into blade grinder
  • grind
  • put grounds into French press
  • put 95 degree hot water into press
  • wait for a few minutes
  • depress press, pour coffee into mug
  • pour milk in straight from the bottle
  • drink

How much of a barbarian am I?

Unironically, this is fine. French Press is such a fantastic brewing method. Some points:

  • If you already have space taken up by a blade grinder, you might as well get a burr grinder. They never fall apart, and you'll get better flavor and the ability to do other brew methods if you want.
  • The only "snob" step you're missing here is the removal of the bitter crema crust at the top of your press before adding the top and plunging down. It's low effort, low yield, so totally optional.

Ah, well, that's good to know. I always thought I was a low-effort philistine because I have never owned a coffee machine and can't make espresso. But I'm glad that what I do, while tasting good to me, is nonetheless an acceptable way to make a cup of coffee according to people with higher standards than mine.

I have bad news… You may be French.

You're not wrong, Walter, but I'm doing a bit here, work with me!

I'm a basic bitch who goes to Starbucks twice a year and thinks the coffee was nice. I feel like a deaf person walking into a concert.

You say that, and I hear you, but believe it or not Starbucks is a significant gateway drug when it comes to the wider realm of craft coffee. And when I'm travelling and there's no good-looking craft coffee in the vicinity of my stay, it's nice when there's a nearby Starbucks and I can get a shot or four of their blonde espresso roast.

I thought the coffee haters would be for people that actually hate coffee, not people that like coffee enough to be picky about it.

I'm an actual coffee hater. I dislike bitter flavors. The cold brew coffee I drink I mask behind a vanilla creamer.

coffee hater
look inside
drinks cold brew

I felt like too much of a druggie taking caffeine pills. Tea doesn't have much flavor and certainly not enough caffeine. Downing enough soda or energy drinks to get my caffeine fix seemed much more unhealthy than coffee.

I buy cold brew from the store. Its just the least bitter coffee drink I've managed to find. And again, when im done with mixing things in, it barely tastes like coffee.

I thought the coffee haters would be for people that actually hate coffee, not people that like coffee enough to be picky about it.

Me too, but what do I know? I'm not a fan of the bitterness either, which is why, when left to my own devices, I prefer espresso and pour-overs.

I'm glad you found your way back to some Good coffee experiences!

I think @waffles brings up an important consideration: when coffee becomes a high volume routine it loses some of its luster, no matter how fine and fresh the whole beans may be.

I've been drinking too much coffee lately - turning it into some sort of crutch during the day, relying on it to boost my energy after working hard. Three strong cups a day is too much and my sleep has suffered as a result. I also haven't been able to pick out many subtle notes - and on that note!, I've wondered why the ground beans always smell much more intensely and complex right after grinding, compared to the finished liquid in the cup, which is much more muted and simple. Because of this I've included a stirring pin in my latest order. I will try to arrange the grounds properly before pouring, and then stirring while it infuses.

When the order arrives I'll be trying out what will be, by far, the most expensive home made coffee I've ever tried: Honduras Geisha. At almost 4.50 USD (eqv.) per 16g cup! In the meantime I'll try to reduce my tolerance a bit and improve my sleep by drinking a minimal amount of coffee.

Three strong cups a day is too much, and my sleep has suffered as a result.

I've been cutting out afternoon coffee while physically recovering to help sleep. I hate to say it, but it's a major upgrade. I've now compromised a bit and offer myself high-quality decaf in the afternoon. The state of the art here has changed, though it feels strange to pay drug-high-prices for the drug being removed (similar mental challenges with NA beer).

On one hand, sleeping well feels great. On the other, the pleasure of an afternoon coffee is one of life's greatest. It helps me keep workin' hard at the computer from 2:00 - 5:00 when my brain is already fried.

I will try out some decaffeinated (Swiss Water method) coffee soon. I expect it will give me some of the benefits of caffeinated coffee due to similar sensory stimuli/placebo.

I've been drinking too much coffee lately - turning it into some sort of crutch during the day, relying on it to boost my energy after working hard. Three strong cups a day is too much and my sleep has suffered as a result. I also haven't been able to pick out many subtle notes - and on that note!, I've wondered why the ground beans always smell much more intensely and complex right after grinding, compared to the finished liquid in the cup, which is much more muted and simple. Because of this I've included a stirring pin in my latest order. I will try to arrange the grounds properly before pouring, and then stirring while it infuses.

Yeah, that can definitely do it. At my own personal height of madness, I would have a shot of espresso in the morning, then head down to my local craft coffee shop to talk coffee and grab something from them, which could be a nitro cold brew, a pour-over, a "dialed in" (y'know, that fancypants mixture of steamed cold brew, coconut oil, and grass-fed butter), or even just another shot of espresso from them. This actually improved my palate overall, but it could give me sleep issues as well, which isn't saying much these days but still. COVID plus inflation killed them, alas, but I'm better off without all of that extra caffeine, even though I miss nerding out on coffee with the staff there.

On the ground beans part, brewing just doesn't extract all of that wonderful flavor and aroma that the act of grinding has just released from the bean. The idea behind espresso is actually to extract the maximum flavor from the bean while leaving the bitterness behind in the puck, and while it definitely produces the most intensely flavorful brew of all methods of making coffee, it can definitely blunt the more refined and delicate notes of a particular coffee, which is where pour-overs come in. Just about all of us who get way too into coffee end up preferring either espresso for flavor or pour-overs for the subtlety.

When the order arrives I'll be trying out what will be, by far, the most expensive home made coffee I've ever tried: Honduras Geisha. At almost 4.50 USD (eqv.) per 16g cup! In the meantime I'll try to reduce my tolerance a bit and improve my sleep by drinking a minimal amount of coffee.

Ooh, please share your experience with that once you've tried it a couple of times! I actually have three pounds of Guatemalan Gesha that I'll roast as soon as I'm confident in my roasting again, which will probably be a few weeks from now, but in the meantime I'd love to hear your opinion on it. Speaking of which, I'd be interested in hearing about whether or not the stirring pin makes a difference for you, if you wouldn't mind. Cheers!

Aha. I'd never learned the actual point of getting into espresso before now. That makes sense. I can see myself getting into it in the future, once (inshallah) I'm on a higher economic level.

Sleep was improved after limiting myself to one cup yesterday.

Will post an update in a few days on the Honduras bean.

I cannot compete with your purple prose, but I will share my relatively newfound experience with coffee.

I drank coffee semi-regularly in college, just the usual dining hall brew, but after a few bad experiences being sleep deprived in an industrial facility, I decided that eight hours of sleep was a much better option and swore off coffee for almost a decade.

One day, while browsing through Twitter (yes, it was still called Twitter at the time) I came across a post where a guy said that nearly everyone was using coffee incorrectly. Instead of waking up every day, drinking a cup, and heading to work, you should be drinking a cup on the weekend after a good night's rest, heading to the art museum, and enjoying those subtle psychoactive effects because you don't have a caffeine habit. That post completely reframed my perception toward coffee, and soon afterward I got myself a hand grinder, pour-over kit, and a bag of half-decent coffee beans.

These days I try to avoid drinking it more than once or twice a week. I found out that when I drink a full cup, at 7AM, I have trouble sleeping at night, so I have tuned it down to about 2/3rds of a cup.

I picked up a manual lever espresso maker over the holidays, and about two weeks ago I fired it up to make some espresso shots and flat whites. I will say that I have a lot of experimenting to do, as I'm still a bit inconsistent with the results. But the quantity of caffeine is just right, and I've been quite happy with the new toy.

Living in a fairly temperate climate, I am in one of the few parts of the world where I might be able to grow a coffee tree in my backyard. I learned the other day that it is not difficult to find sellers of live coffee plants on the internet. I am currently contemplating whether I should grow one of these magnificent plants in the garden!

Thanks for the kind words and for sharing your experience, pour-overs with fresh coffee are on a whole different level than regular automatic drip coffee! May I ask what kind of lever machine you're using? Espresso is actually my favorite way to enjoy coffee but my machine is ready for a full tear-down and a fresh set of gaskets, so I need to get going on that project now that I've done the deep cleaning on my roaster.

Growing one's own coffee would be amazing, though probably work intensive to get good coffee out of it. If you ever do so, please post about it here!

What machine do you have? I'll mention I replaced a ful set of gaskets in my Breville Dual Boiler last year. It took an hour or so, which I consider pretty great for a famously less repair-friendly machine. It's been chugging around now with some aftermarket upgrades for 6 years.

I've been using a La Pavoni Professional for the last several years, it's not terrible to take apart but I might be a little excessively concerned that I'm going to mess it up trying to pry the gaskets out of the grouphead, even though my rational brain knows it'll be fine. Never tried the Breville but I've heard really good things about them, and especially that dual boiler system.

I don't know a damn thing about hacking a Breville, but I'm curious as to what you'd hack on one. PID would be the obvious first stop, but doesn't the dual boiler have one in both the broiler and the grouphead?

The "upgrades" are trivial: A gasket/showerhead/holder set (the plastic holder fails very quickly on these) and a naked portafilter from Normcore. The dual boiler uses a 58mm grouphead, so the aftermarket is rich on that front.

I replaced all the internal gaskets as well, which was the job I talked about. One failed, and so I just went ahead and did the whole set. Very fiddly work but straighforward, the newest models all have upgraded maintainability (down to descaling).

If I become a cash millionaire, I'll sell it for something much more Italian and better looking, like yours.

Yeah, that makes sense, Breville just wasn't a Thing back when I was chugging along with a Rancilio Silvia and daydreaming about the one-armed bandit. NGL, said one-armed bandit was hands down one of the best scores that I ever made on an Amazon Warehouse deal back when they were actually deals and it was more common to get stuff that was better than advertised, if not NIB, instead of worse. That said, I did find the imperfection they had talked about by accident one day when I was cleaning it. Still, I regret nothing on that particular purchase!

I was looking into the various La Pavoni machines when I was searching for a lever espresso maker. They look gorgeous and must be a pleasure to use. If they made a scaled-down version I would've strongly considered getting one, but the capability of the machine was just too much for the occasional espresso drinker like myself.

They definitely live up (and down) to their reputation, I'll say that. The Europiccola is well night unusable IME, it barely had time to pull a shot before its thermal fuse kicked out. The Professional, OTOH, has been a dream in terms of maintaining steam/pressure, but finding the sweet spot in terms of tamp has always been tricksy for me in the sense that there's little wiggle room between a nice shot that requires some, but not too much, force to pull, and a shot that's a little too tightly packed and can't really be pulled at all! As you can imagine, that kind of workout hasn't been kind to the grouphead gaskets...

I ended up getting the Flair Go, mostly because the missus didn't want another device on the kitchen counter and this model folded into a neat package. It takes a few iterations to get the technique right, but so far I'm pretty satisfied with it.

I didn't like the idea of an automatic espresso maker, having to tear down the machine every so often for cleaning and replacing soft parts. Then again, I'm just cleaning the Flair Go every time I make espresso, so there's overhead involved either way. And I'm sure in 5-10 years the O-rings will wear out too, but that's probably a lot less difficult to replace than a typical consumer machine.

We will see whether coffea arabica ends up in my back yard! I need to level up on my gardening skills first, but it's certainly on my radar.

Cool, the Flair Go is a fascinating little machine, part of me wants to buy one for portable espresso but the other part of me is reminding me that the decision to just go with the flow and take the opportunity to check out the local scene was already made. Thing about an espresso machine in particular is that the pressure required for espresso is going to blow out the gaskets sooner or later, and next thing you know, your espresso is coming out the sides of the portafilter as well as from the portafilter and, well, you're ready to replace the gasket!

flair go

It's hilarious that this comes in a coffee pod version. Who is the target demographic for that?

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