domain:parrhesia.substack.com
Primaprimaprima
...something all admit only "TRUMP", and the Trump Administration, can do.
3hr ago
Again, why is the onus on the men to settle, here?
Because female bodies have value, and male bodies do not. You belong to the less valuable half of the human species. We just had a whole ass thread on this.
Although it should be pointed out, said thread also included a post from a woman who said that she felt like she's the one who has to settle, so, maybe the grass on the other side isn't as green as you think it is.
shoeonfoot
3hr ago
"Scraping the bottom of the barrel genetically" is unkind and untrue in many cases and the idea that adoption will "destroy" the lives of the parents is disconnected from thousands of experiences.
Adoption has a centuries long history in the Church and can absolutely be noble and, quite literally, life-saving.
thejdizzler
3hr ago
I have two roommates. Everyone in the Bay Area has like 7. Get Better Soon is a bit out of it IMO.
chooky
3hr ago
Are roommates just not a thing at all anymore, or is anyone with one now undateable? If so, is this because of the current lack of roommate-driven sitcoms starring attractive people a la Friends?
I feel like "housemates" is still pretty dateable, especially in expensive cities.
Primaprimaprima
...something all admit only "TRUMP", and the Trump Administration, can do.
3hr ago
I don't see how anybody is expected to do it if they haven't already these days!
I mean it's not that bad.
I was at a wedding for an early 30s guy not too long ago. Perfectly unremarkable dude in every way. Average looks, barely a penny to his name, floats in and out of odd jobs. But he's genuinely pleasant and easy to talk to, and he knows people everywhere, and I mean everywhere, he will be in random states he's never been to before and he's still bumping into people he knows. When you talk to a lot of people and play the numbers game then it's easy to meet potential partners.
The bride was admittedly a chubster, which is apparently the kiss of death for a lot of people here, but, c'est la vie.
shoeonfoot
3hr ago
More "small" than "substantial". X has created the false impression that right-wing reactionaries are a core voting bloc of MAGA. If you only interacted with Trump voters on X, you'd get the impression that anything less than the deportation of every single man, woman, and child would be a betrayal. In reality, the winning formula for Trump – attracting Hispanics and non-evangelical + higher income white men and women who did not vote for previous Republican presidents (including Trump in 2020) while retaining the core white evangelical base that always comes out for Republicans – did not require any special appeal to racial identitarianism or saving "Heritage Americans". That's why Trump can make carve-outs for farmers and DACA without losing support on his most bigly issue, immigration.
Possible. But obesity would have to be her only disqualifying factor.
Oh, did you know there's research showing that obese women aren't willing to date obese men? Even though most obese men would settle for an obese women?
Women are the ones judging obesity (in others) harshly.
Again, why is the onus on the men to settle, here? That's not the source of the asymmetry.
urquan
Hold! What you are doing to us is wrong! Why do you do this thing?
3hr ago
The two most interesting motte posts that shaped my views on the dating world were one by a poster who I don't think posts here any more, who made an argument that the sexual revolution can't be inherently responsible for the male-female happiness gap because such a large gap is present only in the United States and not in Europe, where the revolution happened even more strongly; and @Terracotta linking a chart that showed the massive climb in obesity in the US, suggesting that if you're looking for a woman who does not qualify as obese or overweight, you're limited to the top 25% of women -- who, of course, are interested in similarly-top men.
Both of these convinced me something funky is going on in the US in particular, and that the obesity crisis, as well as general physical fitness (young men don't have muscle like they used to), are responsible for the unique unhappiness of American dating.
WhiningCoil
3hr ago
I do, but you don't. Telling people "git gud" without any notion of how they do is less than worthless. You don't even have proof that they can. Who do you point to to show it's possible, if not yourself?
Can I let you in on a little secret? You know what me and my married friends sometimes talk about? We aren't bragging about how much better than our younger contemporaries we are, or patting each other on the back about how we "got gud". We talks about how fucking lucky we are to be 40 and married, and not 20 or 30 and single. That we met our spouses before swiping, and tiktok. Before Andrew Tate. On both sides! Men and women both are clinging to their spouses like the last lifeboat on the Titanic, because it doesn't take a genius to see how utterly fucked the dating landscape is. The sheer hellscape of modern dating and gender relations has probably done more for the security of my marriage, and many others, than anything else.
I'm on the other side, and even I don't see how anybody is expected to do it if they haven't already these days! Y'all are fucked.
Primaprimaprima
...something all admit only "TRUMP", and the Trump Administration, can do.
3hr ago
It's a pregnancy risk, sure, but, life's full of risks. One of my ex's whole family was fat af, and they managed to reproduce.
Maybe next time before you pass on a fat girl, you could give her a chance for a little while, with the idea of suggesting Ozempic or an exercise plan once the relationship is more established? Just a thought. Could help widen your pool of available options a bit.
faceh
3hr ago
I want to know that society isn't going to collapse because nobody was willing to be a little mean to women, mostly.
After decades of giving women more and more benefits, why wouldn't the solution entail withdrawing some of them? And if we try that and it doesn't really help, at least we can say we tried.
Let it be known that I was expressing these same sorts of concerns back when I was with my Ex (I can drag up my posts on the Reddit Motte from like 5 years back to prove it), and I would still express these concerns if I got a new stable relationship.
I can see possible solutions to my personal problem, I sure do wish that certain other people would stop actively making it harder, though.
But I would really, REALLY like to avoid what seem to be eminently predictable outcomes of ignoring the larger issue.
faceh
3hr ago
is it really that much of a dealbreaker?
If you want kids, its a concern.
ESPECIALLY if you want those kids to be raised to be healthy themselves.
Of course, Ozempic is giving us a chemical solution to all this.
And I am not asking for a rail thin girl, or a muscular one, or even one that goes to the gym regularly.
Just one that actually considers health important and takes necessary steps to maintain it.
Primaprimaprima
...something all admit only "TRUMP", and the Trump Administration, can do.
3hr ago
You don't actually know how to "git gud".
Ah, but I never said I did! All I said was two simple words: "git gud". You see the difference, yes?
sun_the_second
could survive a COD lobby and a gay furry discord server
3hr ago
If we as a culture openly and honestly told young women what men actually want
I was under the impression that we do, as a culture, openly and honestly tell young women what men actually want, and the problem was that it currently results in them spitting and going "fuck men then".
thejdizzler
3hr ago
You are totally talking past what I wrote. The individual advice works, I don't disagree. All of these things will help find a romantic partner. The problem is it doesn't fix the larger issue of why these things have to be said in the first place: in the past 50-30 (but really the last 10), the whole landscape of dating and relationships has imploded. Self maxing isn't going to fix this.
Where do I refer to myself a single time in this post? I haven't had the most success with dating, but I'm not an incel. I've basically said in other posts that the most actionable things to do align with what this guy is saying (car, diet, not being a doormat). Me playing the system this way is not going to fix the fact that the system is broken.
As far as the last part goes, I could not disagree more strongly. Yes individuals did great things, but they were only able to do those things because of the presence of continually enforced social norms surrounding gender roles and expectations. The farmer and factory worker of the 1880s worked hard to provide for his family. We were able to win the civil war and the first and second world wars because we had competent social systems (at the family level and beyond) that have since vanished. Dating is only one part of this.
Primaprimaprima
...something all admit only "TRUMP", and the Trump Administration, can do.
3hr ago
Some of them became single moms, some decided to get into deeper debt for a master's degree, some of them got fat.
Again with the fat, it's always the fat... is it really that much of a dealbreaker?
I think fat girls are sexy af, so I'm biased, and I'm aware my biases are not shared by everyone. But, it can't be that bad, right?
AlexanderTurok
Alt-MSNBC
3hr ago
Trump knows his audience better than most, but even he has trouble sometimes.
WhiningCoil
3hr ago
Single, childless, drifting somewhat aimlessly, generally an emotional wreck on a daily basis. But what of it?
You don't actually know how to "git gud". You have zero proof that your diagnosis of the problem, nor the way out is correct. You should not be giving advice to anyone, nor judging anyone else for how they are handling it.
First you ascertain how gud the "git gudder" actually is, and then you have two options. If they're gud, then you say "well yeah, easy for you to say, you're already gud, and you probably got there by luck or natural talent anyway, so you don't know what it's like to suffer as someone who's not gud". If they're not gud, then you say "well what do you know anyway, you don't know anything about being gud, so just stay out of it."
Because you left out the 3rd option. If the people saying "git gud" is good, and has actionable advice, you actually do it. People are not limited to the cacophony of narcissistic rage.
You have neither.
Maybe the reason Trump doesn't understand why it keeps going is because he doesn't have an inferiority complex about class that drives him into fantasy about elite pedophile rings.
This is funny because Trump's own VP's explanation for birtherism (and I suppose it applies even more to the demands to see his university transcripts) was a class-driven inferiority complex.
So, at the very least, Trump should know his audience at this point.
faceh
3hr ago
And, like the automobile market, the dating market has come to resemble a market for lemons.
You won't find out if the person you're dating has any disqualifying hidden flaws until you've already 'driven them off the lot,' so to speak.
hydroacetylene
3hr ago
Ok, but on an individual level, don’t you want a solution that works for you, not someone to validate your feelings?
hydroacetylene
4hr ago
‘Pass’ is a valid selection for the bottom x% of both sex, and it’s probably reasonable for women to be pickier- as they always have been. If your only options are bottom quartile men you’d probably pick staying single.
Anyone on the Motte practice Tarot? I've dabbled in it for the past year, but looking to a go a bit deeper in terms of interpretations and understanding of the cards.
More options
Context Copy link