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PaperclipPerfector  8d ago (text post)   1632 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for July 4, 2025

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Anyone knows the best way of buying Windows 10 LTSC versions ?
I have a relatively powerful PC but for some reason,it's not Windows 11 ready.

Windows Enterprise Long Term Customer Support is windows without all the stupid crap like 'Store' . Unless I want to learn Linux, seems like the only option. Supported until 2032, at least.

Windows 10 LTSC is not on offer to consumers in common shops, EVEN though it's superior because it lacks pointless annoying features such as 'Store' and so on. I've seen it described as quite superior by users. It seems it can be bought for €150-300 and there are people with relatively good ratings selling license keys for €20 around here. Or in some shops, as €30 supposedly a second-hand license. Huh. Seems dubious but those shops don't look totally sketchy.

There's also sites that claim they offer ways of activating it permanently. I'm a bit worried about malware, but I'm not sure that's a problem - all my serious crap is on my phone anyway, and if someone were to use my PC to mine anything I'd probably notice. Also, the entire site smells of honest cracker type people doing it not for profit.

I would presume the Masgrave option would be able to activate LTSC without issue. Look it up, since I can't share a link here.

Looks like you linked to it! I've used them before, worked out fine.

If you just want to keep using a supported operating system without buying a new PC (or motherboard; most of the issues in consumer hardware are due to the TPM2.0 requirement), you can bypass almost all of the relevant hardware checks, either by hand with a registry edit from the install environment, or by using programs like Rufus that will do it (as well as disabling some telemetry and enabling a local user) with a single checkbox when burning to USB drive an ISO you can download from Microsoft.

Most 'legit-ish' vendors for LTSC will be closer to the 300 USD range (a la CWG), and they're still not entirely compliant with Microsoft's rules for resale. I used to recommend the Microsoft Action Pack if you needed a bunch (typically 40 USD per OS license, and a bunch of other shit, at the cost of annoying certification requirements), but that sunsetted at the start of this year and you can't buy into it at any price now.

There's also a 'extended' support license for Win10NormalUser. The enrollment process is stupid, but the price is good even if you don't want to use Microsoft Points... but there's no guarantee about when MS will change the deal again.

Otherwise... MAS people are respectable. I can't condone the cool crime of flipping Microsoft the bird, but if you're not in a corporate environment I wouldn't expect an audit over it either.

While some of them are just (ab)using bulk OEM pricing and international sales, a lot of the cheap second-hand licenses, even from professional-looking merchants, are either messing around well outside of their purchase agreement, or outright money laundering with stolen credit cards, similar to the 'steam key' reseller gray market. This usually won't burn you, but it has significant ethical concerns and can theoretically result in the key being revoked. And, of course, there's concerns when giving your credit card information to people who could be credit card thieves.

you can bypass almost all of the relevant hardware checks, either by hand with a registry edit from the install environment, or by using programs like Rufus that will do it (as well as disabling some telemetry and enabling a local user) with a single checkbox when burning to USB drive an ISO you can download from Microsoft.

Or if you're really lazy like me, @No_one, you can just google "Tiny11" and get that installer that does everything for you. Gets the correct ISO, bypasses the hardware restrictions, rips out all the adds, AI, telemetry and MS account bullshit (it even rips out Edge, so put a Firefox installer on the stick) and it just grabs the Windows licence that's (most likely) stashed in your BIOS anyway.

How would that work, I have a Win 10 home license, that'd not fly with LTSC?

Sorry for the confusion, Tiny11 installs Windows 11 and modifies it before and after the install, to get the benefits in my last post.

Since this (a widows 10 user finally upgrading to windows 11) is what Microsoft wants, the licencing issue is as smooth as possible. If you have any valid windows licence, it will work. And since a windows 10 license can be stored in the bios of most modern boards, it retrieves that license for maximum convenience.

Installing windows 10 ltsc is not what Microsoft wants, so a windows 10 home licence will not do. They actually want to see money.

Is anyone else test driving the Cosmic desktop experience from Pop! OS and if so, how do you like it? I've been using it for a couple of weeks now and as expected (being an alpha and all), it's been a mixed bag overall but it looks like they're moving in the right direction and it does fix some of the things that annoyed me about GNOME while introducing other minor annoyances, which goes back to the whole mixed bag, alpha release thing. Overall, I've been finding that while the look and feel of Cosmic is quite GNOME-like for the most part, the performance does seem snappier and it has some welcome additions as well. I look forward to seeing how it shapes up! Ironically, it also seems to be showing some long-term performance issues that I never saw with GNOME--my current desktop has session has been live for a little over a week and I'm starting to experience significant lag and stuttering, which was never a problem with GNOME.

Background: I bought a Beelink ultra-SFF a couple of years back and installed Pop! on it to run some old games that I told myself I'd try and play through at the time. The latter has turned out to be more like, I get the game running in Wine/Dosbox and then move on to another because I'm having more fun making them work than I am replaying them but still, Pop! turned out to be "good enough" for a DD for me to keep it.

Every month in our office canteen, a member of the HR team hangs up posters on the noticeboard of notable days or commemorations which fall within that calendar month. For July, these included World Friendship Day (July 30th), Nelson Mandela's birthday (July 18th) and World Chocolate Day (today). There's also International Non-Binary People's Day, which it will not surprise you to learn made me roll my eyes (the aforementioned member of the HR team had only just taken down the innumerable pride flags festooning the office for the duration of June, but apparently we need an extra day outside of that just for the they/thems). But what interested me was that International Non-Binary People's Day falls on July 14th, the same day as Bastille Day. There's an implicit hierarchy here, wherein the HR department are tacitly insinuating that non-binary people deserve international commemoration in a way that French people don't.

Good. Vive la révolution!

Would you say there are more French people or trans people in your office?

I would say none of either.

Now consider this HR person is making a middle- to high-tier salary to spend his or her time looking through Wikipedia's monthly holiday lists, making the poster in Microsoft Office, preparing and printing copies, and placing them around the office. Meanwhile, the AI recruiter bot is busy filtering hundreds of applicants submitted for the ghost job meant to pump up the numbers for the HR person's quarterly quotas.

In May, he hung up a poster advertising World Potato Day, saying that it fell on Thursday, May 30th. I very politely pointed out to him that May 30th falls on a Friday this year. I was legitimately annoyed about this - I'm not saying you have one job, but this responsibility of yours is a profoundly easy one, and you still managed to fuck it up?

Take comfort in knowing he had to trash all the posters he put up, fix the typo, then print and hang the posters again.

If you're a Windows user, and seeking a more power-user experience, I strongly endorse Windows PowerToys. While not an official Microsoft product, it's a passion project by Microsoft devs. Current features:

  • Advanced Paste
  • Always on Top
  • PowerToys Awake
  • Color Picker
  • Command Not Found
  • Command Palette
  • Crop And Lock
  • Environment Variables
  • FancyZones
  • File Explorer Add-ons
  • File Locksmith
  • Hosts File Editor
  • Image Resizer
  • Keyboard Manager
  • Mouse utilities
  • Mouse Without Borders
  • New+
  • Paste as Plain Text
  • Peek
  • PowerRename
  • PowerToys Run
  • Quick Accent
  • Registry Preview
  • Screen Ruler
  • Shortcut Guide
  • Text Extractor
  • Workspaces
  • ZoomIt

I personally get some mileage out of the FancyZones feature, as it's a big upgrade over default window tiling manager. With a 4k screen, it's a shame not to use the real estate to its fullest potential. I can see the pixel counter being useful in Arma Reforger, where you need to measure distances on a map, cheeky mortar calculator right there.

I've never used anything but FancyZones and HOLY SHIT it is amazing.

Although I just jumped to Windows 11 and it's FancyZones-lite native feature is pretty good too.

Out of boredom, I'm using Gemini to make a mortar calculator app that takes in screenshots/grid coordinates and outputs firing solutions. Should work in theory!

Tooting my own horn. December 1, 2022 I predicted:

My honest bet is that any student currently in their first year of Law School will be unable to compete with AI legal services by the time they graduate. Certainly not on cost. The AI didn't incur 5-6 figure loans for it's legal training.

Put another way, the AI will be as competent/capable as a first-year associate at a law firm inside 3 years.

This was before GPT4 was on the scene. Reiterated it 3 months ago

And then today I read this nice little headline:

Artificial Intelligence is now an A+ law student, study finds

If they can stop the damn thing from hallucinating caselaw and statutes, it might already be there.

But, let me admit, that if we don't see downward pressure on first-year wages or staffing reductions this year, I missed the meatiest part of the prediction.

There's the counter-argument that AI lawyers will actually stimulate demand for attorneys by making contracts way more complex. I don't buy it, but I see it.

Paralleling @JarJarJedi's story, I tried to outsource some annoying research to Gemini and it just gave me the run around. [TW: Boring ops work] I was trying to find a way to copy a large-ish Cloud SQL MySQL DB from one GCP project to another. Solutions I was given:

  1. Just make a clone in another project (not allowed)
  2. Dump the data to a GCS bucket (I said I didn't want to do that in the original prompt)
  3. Use DMS to transfer the data to an empty Cloud SQL instance in another project (sounded promising, was my original thought... but you can't select a DMS instance in another project from the drop-down)
  4. Just use the public IP address of the other Cloud SQL instance as the target (and send my prod DB data over the internet? pretty sure the security team would kill me)
  5. Just use the private IP address of the other Cloud SQL instance (...what? it's in another VPC in another project)
  6. Just peer the VPCs (hmmm.... but no, Cloud SQL instance interfaces actually exist in a "private services subnet" which is part of a hidden Google-controlled VPC which gets automatically peered to the customer's VPC in the same project (A <-> B), and GCP does not support transitive VPC peering (A <-> B <-> C))
  7. Just peer the hidden VPCs in each project directly (they're Google-controlled so we can't create peerings)
  8. Peer the customer's VPC in the source project with the Cloud SQL VPC in the target project (that doesn't make sense)
  9. Just dump the database into a bucket (sigh)

In the end I probably could have just spent 30-45 minutes reading the docs and figured out what my real options were rather than spending severally hours trying half-baked solutions. I just use Gemini for short scripts, text editing operations, and boilerplate now.

[PS. I think we can use PSC to solve the problem above]

Why not set up a machine instance in one of the VPCs, ssh into it, run mysqldump against the source DB and pipe it to mysql connecting to the destination DB? The piping avoids storing it on a disk/bucket.

Why would the security team kill you for connecting to public IPs? Just make sure TLS is enabled and you're good to go. Also if both VPCs are in the same AZ/DC you're likely not going to go over the internet. You might not even go over the Internet between Google Cloud DCs.

Might need to ask an LLM for the right set of options to disable buffering and select the databases you want to clone.

Re. mysqldump, that's what we did last time we had to do this, but I was hoping there was a less manual way. You can do automate anything with enough scripts and DevOps duct tape, but I try to take zero maintenance options whenever I can because I have to scale my meager team and hiring is rough now (because our budget is shit).

Re. the security team, the tech details matter less than the perception. They're more of a compliance team than a security team. Such is life outside of Silicon Valley, sadly.

ha I'm more the opposite. The shell script is legible and easier to reason about. Using some GCP widget is going to not work for some mysterious reason and getting help is impossible if the docs don't cover your use case.

In an ideal world where I have enough guys, I far prefer the script or custom tooling because, as you point out, it's whitebox and easy to fix and customize. But that's not usually the case, plus as a manager I have to play departmental politics. It's much better to be able to blame GCP than to have fingers pointed at scripts that we wrote (sometimes unjustly!) when we have a huge backlog and no time to fix them. I'm looking forward to changing companies, if you can't tell.

I copied your post into o4-mini ChatGPT, without the last two paragraphs and the PSC idea, and this was spit out after a minute:

—————————

Here’s a proven, zero-Downtime–capable way to copy your Cloud SQL for MySQL database from Project A into Project B without dumping to GCS or exposing it publicly: use Database Migration Service (DMS) in the destination project, treating the source instance as a “self-managed” MySQL endpoint. This leverages private connectivity (VPC peering) so data never traverses the public Internet.

  1. Prepare your source Cloud SQL instance • Enable binary logging & GTID, and use row-based replication on your source: set log_bin, binlog_format=ROW, gtid_mode=ON, and retain logs (expire_logs_days or binlog_expire_logs_seconds) for at least a week. • Create a replication user with REPLICATION SLAVE, REPLICATION CLIENT, SELECT, SHOW VIEW, EXECUTE, TRIGGER, etc., per your migration type .

  2. Enable DMS in the destination project • In Project B, enable the Database Migration Service API and grant yourself the Database Migration Admin role.  • Ensure the DMS service account has compute.networkAdmin so it can set up peering. 

  3. Set up private connectivity (VPC peering) • In Project B, create a Private Connectivity Configuration under DMS → Private connectivity. Select the VPC from Project A that holds your source instance’s private IP; DMS will automatically peer its service-network VPC into that network. 

  4. Create your Source Connection Profile • Still in Project B’s DMS UI, go to Connection Profiles → Create Profile → Source. • Engine: MySQL • Classification: “Self-managed MySQL” (even though it’s Cloud SQL)—this bypasses the same-project restriction . • Host: the private IP (or public IP + authorized network) of your Cloud SQL source. • Credentials: use the replication user you created. 

  5. Create & run the Migration Job • Go to Migration Jobs → Create Migration Job in Project B.

    1. Name your job.
    2. Source: select the connection profile from step 4.
    3. Destination: choose an existing or let DMS create a new Cloud SQL instance in Project B.
    4. Connectivity: pick Private IP and select the private connectivity config you made in step 3.
    5. Type: choose One-time (initial load only) or Continuous (CDC + initial load).
    6. Test, then Start the job. 

DMS will do an initial data copy over the peered VPC, then (if you chose Continuous) apply changes in near real-time.

  1. Cut over to the new instance • Once the initial load is complete and lag is minimal, stop writes on the source, then in the DMS job click Promote. This switches your application to the target instance in Project B. 

Why this works • No GCS buckets or manual dumps needed.
• Data never leaves Google’s private network—no public IP exposure.
• Cross-project works seamlessly by treating the source as self-managed and running DMS in the target project.
• Scales to multi-TB databases with minimal downtime (CDC mode)

———————————-

Is it wrong?

In Project B, create a Private Connectivity Configuration under DMS → Private connectivity. Select the VPC from Project A that holds your source instance’s private IP

IIRC Gemini gave me this too. It's correct except this one line, where it hallucinates that it's possible to select a VPC from another project (you can't), and therefore the whole set of instructions are useless.

This btw is an extremely common failure mode in my opinion. You ask it to do something complex, and it builds a very nice way to do it, except there's one link in the chain that it completely invented out of the thin air. And it totally worked just like that if that link existed, except it does not. It could be an API method, a tool, a UI option, I've encountered a number of things - it all looks very neat, except for one detail that completely ruin the whole thing. And if you note about it, it cheerfully congratulates you on discovering it and even more cheerfully explains why it has always known this doesn't work and can't work. If a person kept doing this to me I'd be infuriated but you can't really blame a bunch of numbers.

I've pretty much given up on asking for troubleshooting help or other non-subjective feedback for this very reason. Even for scripting, it sometimes invents command switches that don't exist or that only work on certain OSes which means I need to correct it 5 times before I get a working script. And then, it often favors complex, messy, and difficult to maintain solutions over simple, elegant ones. Just about the only tech task LLMs are good for at this point is parsing stack traces or weird error messages. They're pretty handy for that.

Any task that can be described as "look up the thing which I describe, possibly in vague terms, among vast array of similar things, and bring it to me" is excellent for it. Using it as a search engine that understands natural language very frequently works. I use it multiple times a day this way and it helps a lot. Same for generating simple scripts that I know exactly what needs to be done, and maybe even have an example of doing similar thing but would have to spend 15-20 minutes tweaking it to do the other thing - it can give it to me in one minute. This is an awesome tool for such cases. But nowhere near "junior programmer" or "fresh law degree graduate" as some claim. At least if I had a junior like that on my team, I'd have a talk with the manager that hired him.

I am extremely skeptical at that claim. I mean, surely, if you examine LLM at what humans are usually examined at, things that are hard for humans - like perfectly recalling bits out of huge arrays of information - it would probably do pretty good. However, at things that human are never examined it - like common sense - because most humans that got through law school would have it, otherwise they'd fail out and probably be either institutionalized somehow or ejected from the society in some other way - LLMs are still terrible.

Just days ago I tried to use LLM advice to configure a scanner on my Mac. It managed to give me ton of advice that didn't work (because it kept hallucinating and confusing different Mac models) but then it managed to give an advice that seemed to work. I stupidly followed it. It broke my Mac completely. I decided to take hair of the dog approach and asked the same GPT for the fix advice. After another hour or so of hallucinating and meandering, it managed to make the problem worse. Then it had me to try a dozen or so non-working solution, each one ending with congratulating me on discovering yet another thing that doesn't work on my Mac - this despite me telling it upfront which Mac it is and it being aware to quote the exact source that says this wouldn't work - but only after suggesting to me repeatedly it would 100% work for sure. Eventually, it started suggesting to me deleting disk partitions and reinstalling the whole OS - while claiming this can't hurt my data in any way, everything would be OK - and I decided to call it quits. I tried to fix it using my wits alone and plain old internet search, and was able to do it in about 15 minutes.

This was a low risk activity - I actually had pretty recent backups and all important shit I have backed up in several places locally and online, so if it killed my Mac I maybe would lose some unimportant files and some time to re-configure the system, but it wouldn't be a catastrophe for me. Now imagine something like millions of dollars, or decades in jail, or the entire future of a person is on the line. Would I trust a machine that claims X exists and solves my problem only to cheerfully admit X never existed and even if it did, it couldn't solve my problem a minute later? Or would I trust a human that at least understands why such kind of behavior is unacceptable, in fact, that understands anything and isn't just a huge can of chopped up information fragments and a procedure of retrieving some of them that look like what I want to hear?

Sorry, I can't believe this "as good as a fresh graduate" thing. Maybe I can believe it's "as good as a fresh graduate on things that we check on fresh graduates because they are hard for fresh graduates so we want to make sure they are good" but that misses the obvious pitfall that things that are very easy for a fresh graduate - or any human - are very hard for it in turn.

I'm completely unsure and very skeptical of any Llms will take away x job headline given the poor track record and the obvious faking of benchmarks and media hype.

Not a lawyer, I do wonder how this plays out, can you hold a model accountable the way a lawyer is? What happens when you add your own data to it? Does the responsibility then land on the law firm. Not a rhetorical question.

If they can stop the damn thing from hallucinating caselaw and statutes, it might already be there.

Sure, but hasn't that always been the challenge? This feels like it boils down to "if they can fix the problems, it'll be great", which is true but applies to everything.

I mean, yes, but the hallucination problem of putting in wrong cases and statutes is utterly disqualifying in advanced legal writing. Citing to a nonexistent case or statute compromises the entire brief or argument. A decent first year associate might misinterpret a statute or case, or miss that the case was overturned, but they wouldn't make up cases from whole cloth and build their arguments off those.

For a lot of tasks, you just need to go through and proofread or fix up the places where it filled in basic info that it obviously didn't have.

But citing a case that doesn't exist to build an argument is like asking it to design a bridge and it get the tensile strength of steel completely wrong, or perhaps it makes up a type of material that doesn't exist and hallucinates its properties as part of the specifications.

And maybe it does that, I don't know. But there's literally no reason for it to be doing that, either, when there is definitive information, easily available for reference. Its information it should never get wrong, in practice.

And it really shouldn't be hard to fix, the caselaw and statutes are already simple to look up. Just teach the thing to use WestLaw.

So I do expect them to solve that particular class of hallucinations pretty handily, even if it will still completely fudge its outputs when it doesn't have an easy way to check.

But there's literally no reason for it to be doing that, either, when there is definitive information, easily available for reference. Its information it should never get wrong, in practice.

Yeah this is something that gets me about the frequent code-based hallucinations too. The things will make up non-existent APIs when the reference docs are right there. It does seem like it wouldn't be hard to hook up a function that checks "does this actually exist". I assume it must not actually be that simple, or they would've done it by now. But we'll see what they can do in the future.

There's some technical parts to how LLMs specifically work that make it a lot harder to police hallucination than to improve produce a compelling argument, for the same reason that they're bad at multiplication and great at symbolic reference work. A lot of LLMs can already use WestLaw and do a pretty good job of summarizing it... at the cost of it trying to cite a state law I specifically didn't ask about.

It's possible that hallucination will be absolutely impossible to completely solve, but either way I expect these machines to become better at presenting compelling arguments faster than I expect them to be good researchers, with all the good and ill that implies. Do lawyers value honesty more than persuasion?

I mean, yes, but the hallucination problem of putting in wrong cases and statutes is utterly disqualifying in advanced legal writing.

One would think! And yet.

This is my biggest problem with rlhf aside from my free speech bullshit - due to the way llms work, rlhf means hallucination is impossible to solve - it is baked in.

Well, they've gotten better and better over time. I've been using LLMs before they were cool, and we've probably seen between 1-2 OOM reduction in hallucination rates. The bigger they get, the lower the rate. It's not like humans are immune to mistakes, misremembering, or even plain making shit up.

In fact, some recent studies (on now outdated models like Claude 3.6) found zero hallucinations at all in tasks like medical transcription and summarization.

It's a solvable problem, be it through human oversight or the use of other parallel models to check results.

My point is not that the problems are unsolvable (jury's out on that), it's that "this will be good if we can fix the problems" isn't a very meaningful statement. Everything is good if you can fix the problems with it!

I expect that when people usually say that, they're implicitly stating strong belief that the problems are both solvable and being solved. Not that this necessarily means that such claims are true..

I discussed it with a judge doing more advanced judgey things (abstract legal analysis of a case judgement as if presenting a paper at a conference) and he thought Sonnet 3.6 was a pretty decent law student, so presumably Opus 4 or indeed o3 would be lots better.

Lawyers and judges and legal societies will just make it illegal for a layperson with a skilled AI(Or who hires an Indian paralegal with a good AI assistant for $35 an hour instead of 300) to appear in court, file, argue, represent and so on.

I'm sure. But thats barely 10% of the work lawyers do.

With enough lobbying they can pass laws that say things like “for each half hour spent in court, x lawyers based in local city who passed the state bar must have y billable hours attached to them”.

Lest that sound farfetched, Hollywood writers just got this kind of deal and the studios are far more equipped to play hardball than state congressmen.

Obligatory: America: FUCK YEAH (Ultimate Edition) (vimeo link)

I play this every 4th of July, at the minimum.

It's the 5th here but enjoy the 4th.

We usually do barbecue or mashed potatoes or black-eyed peas or something close to my roots, and hang the US flag out. This year the boys were going to be at sports clubs and wifey was going to be late, so I detoured through Osaka and headed in instead of out, and went alone and caught the Mission Impossible film before it leaves theaters.

It's always odd going to a movie alone. For me at least. Sitting through previews I am reminded of the banality of Japanese films. I think some Japanese actors and actresses are actually capable of amazing range, but most Japanese directors are hamfisted hacks.

Cruise had recorded a message for the Japanese audience in preview. He has a massively loyal following here, though obviously he's not as young and current as he used to be (I can relate).I came up watching his movies (he is only a few years older than I) and he's always reminded me of my best friend back home.

Watching the film I was, as usual, floored by his stunt skills. I've enjoyed the whole franchise (except MI:2, which remains for me unwatchable) and felt this ended it well. The plot itself took what had been caricature-like of AI in the immediate prequel and dialed the absurdity up to 11. But I didn't mind turning off my brain for that. It was a welcome relief to not have to ask myself how realistic the plot might be (answer: not) in our current AI-ubiquitous age.

I finished and walked out into the crowds in Shinsaibashi, mostly Chinese or Korean or other Asians, a few European couples or families, maybe some Americans with tattoos and blue hair. No one seemed to take any notice of me whatsoever. I took the elevator down with a dozen Chinese and on 1F wended my way through short shorts and miniskirts out into a warm wave of humid air and trees done up in purple LED lights lining Midosiji boulevard. I walked. Stayed on the surface and street briefly, then descended again into the underground, walked past more Chinese pulling roller bags, past Starbucks where inside the lonely hearts read at individual tables their little paperback books with plain paper slip covers to keep the title anonymous. Walked the walking escalator through to the Yotsubashi line. So many people staring at phones, or holding out their phones to selfie themselves, or live stream--I imagine I will be digitally removed as a background figure from many photos.

Walk more, walk through the subway turnstile that doesn't turn, down another escalator, wait, wait, the slightly overweight American girls in very tight clothing drag their luggage past. Soon I'm on a subway. There's a pretty blonde Japanese girl showing her midriff wearing these striped socks pulled to her knees She taps the pads of her fingers on her phone, long green fingernails on her index, middle and ring fingers. On her bag is a plastic tab with the black and white face of what's probably a boyfriend --he looks like he belongs on a wanted poster. Across from her through the thick of other riders is a beautiful young woman stepped out of a different movie, wearing a very nice dress you'd expect Audrey Hepburn would have approved of. But then we're near Kitashinchi.

An hour later and the surface train has thinned of people and it's just me and an old man who seems quite asleep. I disembark, take the up then down escalator, passing a high school couple who appear to be breaking up--he's looking at her, she's looking straight ahead. They're both very pretty.

The night is still warm and I forego the bus, which will not arrive for another ten minutes anyway, and walk the 20 minutes and 2225 steps home, where my family is finished eating and watching a music show where they all know this music that I've never heard sung by these groups I don't know. I eat some leftovers of steak rice I made the day before--no barbecue or peas, and I had forgotten to hang the flag in the morning -- and it's not nearly as good as I had felt it was when making it.

I'm asleep by 11. And now it's tomorrow. Hope your 4th there in your timeline and other dimension is more festive, but as equally peaceful as mine.

Edit: A fortuneteller predicted a massive earthquake today. So, hope that doesn't happen.

Edit 2: It didn't happen.

I imagine I will be digitally removed as a background figure from many photos.

Great line. Reminds me of my travels there. Very lonely country.

I think that's true but far less so in a family, and if the family is tight and remains so. That helps a lot. I see a lot of fractured families and disaffected youth, who become rudderless adults (unless they bind themselves to some group or club or other activity). Jobs can fill this role Another thing people often don't get about work culture here.

Context: I wrote this some time ago when I was sufficiently annoyed with contrived drowning hypotheticals. I had a lot of fun writing it, but then didn't know where to put it. I've never really written a short story before (except way back as a teen, for other teens) so no guarantees that this is actually any good. But it seemed stupid to write it out fully but to not at least post it somewhere afterwards, so here it goes. @mods, if you consider this inappropriate here, feel free to move it, though I didn't want to start a thread on anything I'm not sure is any good.

It’s a beautiful morning. You’re wandering next to the river which serves as the natural limit of the city. You want to visit granny; Well, not your REAL grandma, but when you were a teen, she was there for you. She hasn’t been doing well, forgetting things, especially later in the day.

You pass by a bridge, closed off with a fence - though it's sufficiently damaged that one can get past if one wants to -, showing a sign that reads “trespassing will be punished by fine”. This used to be one of the most important, most used roads out of the city, but a year ago it has started to be plagued by suicide attempts, so the city decided to block access after a public pressure campaign.

A little further, a group of tall and athletic men is playing beach volleyball. A priest tries to shortly talk with them, is rebuffed & leaves, shaking his head.

You will probably not reach granny. Steve (that’s what you call him in your mind, at least, it’s not like you really know him) will soon jump of the bridge, as he does everyday, and you will jump in to save him. He will be taken to the hospital for the day, where you also have to wait until someone can take your report, which gets logged into the system, and you will get released, by which time it’s too late in the afternoon.

But something is different today: You’ve seen a policemen, in the wild, who isn’t already occupied! You go straight towards him.

You: Hello, Officer, do you have a moment?

Policemen: Yes, sir?

You: A man will soon go on the bridge and jump off. Could you arrest him for trespassing before he has a chance to jump?

Policemen: Sir, I can’t do anything just on hearsay.

You see Steve entering the bridge from the other side.

You: See, that’s him!

Policemen: Sir, according to our anti-escalation training we are not allowed to arrest a person for only trespassing.

You see Steve jump from the bridge. The group of men doesn’t care, the policemen pretends to be busy writing something and the priest just looks at your sternly. You sigh, and run to save him. When you leave the water, the policemen walks up to you and gives Steve a fine.

——

It’s a morning. You’ve had enough. Screw Steve, you’ll just walk faster, and then it’s going to be someone else’s problem. You pass by a masked man, looking off into the sky. The priest walks up to you.

Priest: Hello, son. You want to leave that poor person to his fate?

You: Why don’t you ask someone else?

Priest: You know they won’t listen. What do you want to do now, instead?

You: I’ll visit my grandma.

Priest: Just visit? You know a life is more important than a visit.

You: Do it yourself, then.

Priest: I’m old and frail. Besides, I’m saving many lives here; Anytime someone wavers in his faith, I restore it, so that they can save the needy. If I were to do it myself, I’d be taken in for the day.

You wasted so much time on the discussion that you see Steve jump from the bridge. The priest looks at you sternly. You sigh and run to save him.

——

It’s morning. This time you won’t get derailed; You put on headphones and pretend to neither see nor hear the priest and walk at a brisk pace. When you walk past, you notice that a small coffee shop has now opened up at the shore of the river, with the priest sitting at a table. After you passed by, the priest goes to the masked man, who was just looking at the sky again, and talks with him. He gets up, runs after you, catching up almost instantly, grabs you, and slowly drags you towards the water. You shout at him, but he just screams “fuck you” over and over, until he has finally dumped you into the water, where Steve is already flailing. You sigh, and swim over.

——

Morning. The headphones broke after getting wet. At the shore you pass by a journalist explaining something to a camera, with the bridge as a backdrop. Later at the coffee shop, you see the priest and the masked man sitting together drinking tea. Enraged, you confront the priest.

You: What the fuck? You can’t just tell someone to assault me!

Priest: Oh, I was just telling him about that poor man who will jump off the bridge. It’s not my fault that he reacted that way, and besides, I couldn’t have stopped him anyway.

You: But you could at the very least report the crime!

Priest: Of course I did, but the man had already left when the police showed up. You also have to admit he did it for a noble goal: To save a life. So I can’t say I’m too unhappy.

You stare at the man right next him.

Priest: This nice young man just told me that he can’t even afford a tea. So I invited him.

You: So you claim it’s not him?

Priest: How would I know? He’s wearing a mask. You know, Corona.

You, towards the man: Are you ?

“Of course not”, says the voice that screamed “fuck you” yesterday. You look at him, and flip the table. Tea sprays everywhere, both are cursing, and you take the chance to run as fast as you can. You run along the shore, but at the place where you could have sworn is the path to granny’s house, there is a fence instead. A sign tells you to just continue, which you do, until you reach a dead end between the shore on one side and the fence on the other. You see Steve flailing in the water, screaming. You sigh, and jump in.

——

This time you take a large cutter with you. At the coffee shop, the priest is now being interviewed by the journalist, which he visibly enjoys. The beach volleyball players, meanwhile, are back today and trying to garner the attention of the (admittedly quite attractive) journalist. The masked man is nowhere to be seen, so you just walk fast while looking back, making sure you’re not being followed. Carelessly, you bump into something, and turn your head around to see … the masked man. His eyes glimmer with anger. You look at him, then the cutter, then at him again, and swing it in a large arc. He gets an arm up, screams in pain and goes to the ground. You run past, not looking back, breathing heavily. You made it! Nothing can stop you now!

——

“REPORT: ANOTHER SUICIDE ATTEMPT AT THE BRIDGE Calamity struck just as our investigative journalist was taking an interview for a documentary about the suicide bridge: Another attempt was made. According to trusted sources, one particular local man, present at the scene, already knew in advance. But instead of intervening, he struck an innocent bystander down, breaking his arm, and fled the scene. He was later found nearby harassing an older woman, after he gained access to her home by cutting open a fence. The police is still investigating his motive and the connection he has to her, as she claims to have never seen him before. He is currently in custody on charges of assault, vandalism, trespassing and harassment. Fortunately, another bystander playing volleyball jumped into the water, saving the day.”

The priest takes back the paper he gave you.

Priest: You know child, I don’t think you’re so bad. So I put in a good word for you. The man you assaulted has also agreed to drop charges if you cooperate.

Do you take up the Priest’s offer and do community service at the bridge?

Yes, but do a sufficiently bad enough job at the bridge that they tell you to stop. Sometimes the only way out of an impossible situation is to act so incompetent that people stop forcing you to do it (after all, if you hadn’t saved the guy the first time, you wouldn’t be asked back).

I would absolutely do community service at the bridge - it seems like doing community service at the bridge is my lot in life anyway.

Edit: also I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, great job.

The second person (narrative voice) in a story is very interesting. I tried it once many years ago after reading Bright Lights, Big City. Thanks for sharing, I like reading things like this. I have no answer to your question. Probably I'd be intransigent and not cooperate just because, but that could be mental bravado.

I have the local hospital put a psych hold on Steve and forget about it.

But that would take away Steve's freedom of movement for the part of the day he’s not trying to commit suicide! Can you in good conscience deprive someone of his freedoms?

(This is, of course, sarcastic. I agree your solution is probably the best, just like tying people to trolley tracks and sabotaging the brakes is already illegal.)

Some marriage-fraud cases:

  • Plaintiff Sotir Libarov is a Bulgarian citizen. After entering the United States legally, Libarov married Elizabeth Alonso Hernandez, a lawful permanent resident. On March 15, 2016, Libarov applied to become a lawful permanent resident based on that marriage. USCIS issued a Notice of Intent to Deny Libarov’s application in March 2022, concluding that Libarov and Hernandez had entered into a sham marriage for immigration purposes. In the Notice, USCIS explained that Hernandez said under oath that the marriage was arranged by an acquaintance and that she “was offered $10,000 to enter a fraudulent marriage” with Libarov. USCIS ultimately denied Libarov’s application for permanent resident status on June 15, 2022.

  • Jin Yin Zhou, a Chinese citizen, married a US citizen in 1996. In 1997, Zhou entered the United States as a conditional permanent resident, ostensibly to live with her husband in New York. But, not long after her arrival, Zhou began living with her boyfriend in Kentucky and had three children with him. Zhou never lived with her husband and eventually divorced him in 2001. Throughout her immigration proceedings, Zhou concealed these facts repeatedly, including when she submitted a petition to remove the conditions of her residence and when she applied for naturalization. Eventually, United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (“USCIS”) officials discovered Zhou’s marriage fraud and recommended to the Department of Homeland Security (“DHS”) that she be placed in removal proceedings.

  • On January 15, 2014, Ansar Hassen Hussen, a native and citizen of Ethiopia, was admitted to the United States on a B-2 visitor visa which authorized him to remain in this country for six months. However, he has never left.

    In June 2014, Hussen applied for asylum, withholding of removal, and relief under the Convention Against Torture (CAT), claiming that he had twice been imprisoned and beaten for belonging to a minority political party in Ethiopia. An immigration judge (IJ), however, found Hussen’s account implausible and rejected his application, and the Board of Immigration Appeals (BIA) affirmed, agreeing that material aspects of Hussen’s story did not add up. Hussen filed a petition for review.

    While that petition was pending, Hussen married a US citizen, who then filed an I-130 application for an immigrant visa on his behalf. Hussen then filed a motion with the BIA to reopen his proceedings so that he could seek an adjustment of status based on his marriage. He attached affidavits, photographs, receipts for items like a diamond engagement ring, an Islamic marriage contract, and a lease agreement showing that the couple jointly rented an apartment in Virginia. The BIA, however, denied Hussen’s motion to reopen, concluding that Hussen’s evidence was “insufficient” because he failed to provide “clear and convincing evidence of the bona fides of [his] marriage”. From the BIA’s denial of his motion to reopen, Hussen filed a second petition for review.

    While Hussen’s second petition for review was pending, he filed another motion with the BIA to reopen the proceedings and to reconsider its denial of his earlier motion to reopen. He attached evidence showing that his wife was pregnant, that they were living together, and that they shared a joint bank account. The BIA denied Hussen’s motion for reconsideration and second motion to reopen, and Hussen filed a third petition for review.

    For the reasons that follow: we deny Hussen’s first petition; we grant his second petition, vacate the BIA’s order denying Hussen’s motion to reopen, and remand for further proceedings consistent with this opinion; and we deny his third petition as moot.

  • In October 2013, Plaintiff Roberto Martinez Olivera filed a Form I-130, Petition for Alien Relative, on Givovich’s behalf, and Plaintiff Nicole Givovich correspondingly filed a Form I-485, Application to Register Permanent Residence or Adjust Status. After interviewing Givovich and Martinez Olivera regarding the petitions in January 2014, USCIS investigated the bona fides of Givovich’s prior marriage with Doroteo Caldera Rodriguez. On April 9, 2014, USCIS Immigration Officers interviewed Mr. Caldera Rodriguez, and he provided a written sworn statement (translated from Spanish to English) in which he stated that he had married Givovich “as a favor so she could obtain her legal residency”. Specifically, he explained that he and Givovich had met when they were taking English classes and were friends for about two years before getting married. He said that Givovich had asked him to marry her to help her obtain her residency status. Mr. Caldera Rodriguez stated that he and Givovich never lived together and were never intimate.

    USCIS ultimately denied the I-130 visa petition in April 2023. USCIS explained that the two sworn statements of Mr. Caldera Rodriguez, and the corroborating statements of Ms. Trejo, Ms. Munoz, and Mr. Rojas, provided substantial and probative evidence that Plaintiff Givovich had “entered into marriage with Mr. Caldera Rodriguez for the purpose of evading immigration laws”.

Normally I like reading your legal dispatches, but I don’t see how these are fun at all!

Fun, mildly interesting—what's the difference?

I think the Hussen case in particular is fairly funny. He submitted oodles of evidence, but the government still refused to believe that his marriage was genuine.

In addition to these two affidavits, Hussen submitted seven affidavits of family members and friends, many of whom had traveled great distances to attend the wedding, stating that the family members and friends had witnessed both the development of Hussen and Houndito’s relationship and the wedding. Hussen also submitted a copy of the signed marriage certificate and Islamic marriage contract, with the latter obligating Houndito’s family to pay a $10,000 dowry; numerous photographs depicting the wedding ceremony and honeymoon; a receipt for payment of more than $4,000 for his purchase of a diamond ring; copies of two plane tickets and a receipt showing that the couple paid more than $300 to fly to Miami for their honeymoon; a receipt showing that the couple paid more than $1,400 to place a four-night reservation at a hotel in Miami; a copy of a lease agreement they signed for an apartment in Virginia, dated three days prior to the wedding; a copy of an automobile insurance card that named both Hussen and Houndito as the policy’s insured; and finally, photos that depicted Hussen’s family meeting Houndito’s family in Ethiopia and the celebration that Hussen’s father hosted in Ethiopia to celebrate their marriage.

The BIA denied Hussen’s motion to reopen, stating that the standard to reopen proceedings to seek adjustment of status based on a marriage entered after the commencement of removal proceedings required Hussen to submit “clear and convincing evidence of the bona fides of the marriage.” While the BIA acknowledged that Hussen had attached photographs of the wedding, honeymoon, and gathering between families, as well as affidavits from friends and family and the couple’s lease agreement, it concluded that this was only “some evidence of the bona fides of [the] marriage” but was “insufficient to establish the bona fides of his marriage by clear and convincing evidence.”

Also, don't forget about the context of past discussions of marriage fraud on this forum (1 2).

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