The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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I want to check with you people what do you think about situation in NFL between Arizona Cardinals players dropping the ball before the finish line and following altercation with head coach Jonathan Gannon.
I was browsing Reddit and noticing huge influx of comments condemning Gannon to the tune on "he should've never put a hand on him" (even though it was a punch to shoulder pads). And I don't really seem to able to arrive to the same conclusion. It feels to me the product of office environment where even if you massively fuck up in your workplace to the tune of inflicting damages to the project the only thing that would happen to you is being fired. I worked in landscaping for a few months and the temperament of the foreman was entirely different and I would say some physical reminder is needed if you fuck up the entire day of work.
What is the current year answer to this type of situation?
I would say this question belongs more in the Small Question Sunday Thread, or the Friday Fun Thread. This thread is more for posts about self-improvement and other personal matters.
How about interpreting the question as calibrating of my personal moral compass and if I should reflect on that?
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This past Sunday, I received baptism into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
As some of you may be aware, I have been passively orbiting this church with various degrees of interest over the course of my entire life, as a result of family connections and several very close friends. Like most non-Mormons, I found various reasons not to pursue any active interest in the church: the total lack of anthropological/scientific evidence for historicity of its central religious text; the concerning signs of Joseph Smith’s charlatanry and general strategy of “making it up as he went”; the onerous lifestyle restrictions; the financial burden which tithing imposes, etc.
Furthermore, I’m occasionally cited here as an able critic of Christian ideas about theodicy, the efficacy of prayer, and the apparent contradictions between the idea of a loving and omnipotent God on the one hand, and the sheer amount of random and wanton suffering present in our world on the other. People have linked to my somewhat recent discussion with @FCfromSSC regarding this matter as an example.) Thus, it may strike many users here (and does seem to have struck at least some people in my IRL life) as surprising to see me commit myself to this church.
However, about eight weeks ago I was approached by a pair of pleasant-looking young sister missionaries at the mall while leaving the gym. Although I was sore and tired and just wanted to go home, I couldn’t resist stopping to speak with them. We had a conversation about what I believed about the Book of Mormon, and about my research into, and interest in, the church. They invited me to attend services with the local Young Single Adults ward that upcoming Sunday, and I accepted. I decided that this would probably be my last opportunity to sincerely immerse myself into the church, at least on a provisional basis, and see what my experience would be. I also, for reasons I’ll keep personal, saw this as at least possibly an answer to prayers I’d offered not too long ago. Since that day, I have consistently attended Sunday church services (both the sacrament meeting and the subsequent scripture discussion sessions, where I’ve been an active participant even since my first week of attendance as an “investigator” of the faith) and plan to continue doing so. I have successfully given up coffee (not caffeine entirely, although I’m actively working to reduce my daily caffeine consumption and dependence) and pornography. (I had already drastically decreased my alcohol consumption, so reducing it even further to zero has been trivially easy.) I’ve attended various social events organized by the ward, which has allowed me to ensconce myself into a community of bright, wholesome, surprisingly-mature and well-grounded young people. I finally decided that baptism is the next important step — a costly signal of my escalating commitment.
It is difficult for me to articulate the reasons for my decision in a way that would meet the intellectual standards of this forum. I still have many of the same doubts I did before accepting baptism; I still don’t believe that the Book of Mormon is a historically-accurate description of real events that took place in the pre-Columbian Americas. (Rather, I currently believe that it is an allegorical text, intended by God to usher in a new dispensation by providing a scriptural text which would be narratively and intellectually compelling to the specific audience to which He intended it to be presented, given their particular interests, level of historical understanding, and literary/religious frame of reference.) I still have a lot of questions about Joseph Smith’s character, intentions, and leadership qualities. I’m still working on wrapping my mind around what it actually means to aspire to live a Christ-like existence; toward what political/philosophical positions and actions does this obligate me? There are, however, many elements of Mormon theology and the Mormon lifestyle which appeal very strongly to me. (Ideas about the Plan of Salvation and the nature of the afterlife being chief among the theological appeals, and the sexual conservatism being the primary secular/lifestyle appeal.) I was strongly influenced and encouraged by a post a few months ago by @2rafa — arguably my favorite poster here, and the one with whom I probably feel the greatest degree of intellectual and personality kinship — in which she implored people here to embrace the benefits of a loving and welcoming religious community and to try hard not to ruin the experience by thinking too deeply and skeptically about the inner workings of the theology. I decided that if she could do it, I should probably try to see if I could as well. So far it has been more enriching than I could have imagined.
Over the coming weeks I will undergo the rites of the lay priesthood common to all male members of the church, set myself up to begin automatically tithing, and begin working towards obtaining a “temple recommend” allowing me to enter LDS temple buildings. I am actively working on finding a spouse with whom I can raise a family; I’ve already been on a lovely date with an intelligent and creative woman (one of the few female members of the ward somewhat close to my age, as most are closer to 18-20) and have another one already arranged. I expect at least a few of these people to become long-term friends. I don’t know what else to expect in terms of how this will affect my life trajectory, what will be asked of me, etc. All I know is that right now I am finally beginning to taste what it might be like to truly believe that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me, that my Redeemer lives, and that he has provided me with a way to dwell with Him eternally along with my loved ones.
Wow what a surprising turn of events. I wish the best of luck! I converted to catholicism almost three years ago now, and I have let my theological doubts get the better of me, and haven't been to church since February. My godfather did call me last night out of the blue to let me know that he and my godmother are having a second child, which did briefly remind me why I joined the church in the first place (same with a wedding I attended a few weeks ago). Unfortunately, mass seems to continue to be very spiritually empty for me, and a lot of the apparent benefits of the church (spouse, community) haven't been very prominent in my parish recently.
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Congratulations on finding a faith my friend. I converted to Eastern Orthodoxy a few years back myself, though I had more direct religious experience than you share here. Of course, as you probably know, it can often be hard to put into words the way God speaks to us.
I hope things work out for you, and I encourage you to be honest about this with your priest or whatever the Mormon equivalent is. Before coming in I wrestled with my faith and belief quite a bit, and continue to. It's a normal process for intelligent religious people in the modern world, and I wish I had known that during my atheist years.
I'm curious to see how this may change certain political stances or perhaps cultural stances you've espoused here in the past. One of my friends always says, Christ demands that we sacrifice our cynicism. Which has been true for me!
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I know a number of devout LDS members, and they're all over the place on the caffeine issue. Coffee is a clear no, but opinions diverge widely on caffeinated sodas and energy drinks. I'd say that's a lower priority than the big steps you've made in other areas.
Every person in the church with whom I’ve discussed it has been very clear that caffeinated drinks, other than coffee and tea, are unambiguously permitted. They believe that eliminating addiction from your life is pretty much always an unalloyed good, since it allows a fuller use of your agency and self-control, but that to a certain extent the church is willing to meet people where they’re at and to allow some leeway, particularly for things like caffeine which have clear benefits alongside their drawbacks.
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Under a month from my upcoming trail race, and then a month after that to the possible second one. I am ready for all this training to be over. Trying to get in a 10-mile run on a weekday morning is tough, to say nothing of the weekend runs.
Also, it's funny how thin 195 lbs. feels after years in the 210-215 range. I'm still 20 pounds heavier than my endurance race weight when I was in my late 20s, but that was years ago and doesn't count in my mind the same way.
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We shall overcome, one day
Sigh. Nothing ever happens, until something happens.
I've spent the bulk of my life as a hyper-vigilant survivalist. Am I reasonably cautious ? Am I or a bundle of anxiety ? Idk. I can tell you, my parents are a bundle of anxiety. They've spent every minute of their life with that look on their face. The look of a man who thinks a predator may pounce on him any moment. A life lived in fight-or-flight. We didn't know Murphy's law at the time, but it was my parent's religion. I and my brother joking phrased my parent's motto another way: "Never stop clenching". The culture around us was much of the same. After all, we grew up singing the hindi version of "we shall overcome, one day". It tried to convince us of hope despite the length of the struggle. Yet. something about the the hindi translation of "some day" ("eik din") makes the good days feel even farther away.
I didn't want to become that. I don't want to become that. It isn't in my nature.
By nature, I am carefree, careless, a hopeless optimist. I mean, I did almost fail to graduate because of a paperwork issue. I did almost forget to sign an offer letter for my first job. I did almost get out of a car in neutral while on a slope near a cliff (This one haunts me). I am a famously careless man compared to my people. Maybe I'm just a good self-deprecating storyteller who remembers his cringe moments most vividly. But, god, being able to not care feels so good. I want to not give a fuck. In a way, it's the only time I feel alive.
I'm not being fair to myself. I can retell my story another other way. The elder kid of a large family who did everything right. Studied, good school, good major, good job, good relationships, no debt. Achieved every dream my parents had for me and paid for my brother's education. No fuck ups. I bore the burdens, completed my responsibilities. 100/100.
Finally, I could be my care free self ? Or so I thought. But, upbringing, environment and life have chipped at me. Like Half-dome, the glaciers of cynicism have carved hyper-vigilance into me, permanently. Or so I fear. So, I took a step. I spent 2024 and 2025 soul-searching. I made decisions that would let me care less. Surely, if there is less to worry about, I would worry less. right ?
Last couple of months have been weird. Weird good, weird bad. Aug was big for me. 2 years of my effort bore fruit, and I made the big life change that I'd been working to orchestrate. Switched to a larger company for less stress. Moved closer to my girlfriend. Returned to the city I want to spend my life in, so I could lay down roots. My brother's internship gave him a return off. My parents resolved a major housing issue that had dangled over them for 30 years. Life looked good. My targeted efforts had paid off, the light at the end of the tunnel was there.
I felt vindicated too. I was about to prove my parents way of life was wrong. Detail-oriented paranoia is not worth it. Don't need to live life on the look out for predators. If I do it right, my kids might deem my motto to be: "unclench a little".
Bruh, then my man Trump sends things for a twist. The H1b announcement turned my world on its head. A roommate had to be woken up in the middle of the night in India, so he could drive 8 hours and take a flight back. For 48 hours, I was dead certain I was going to be fired. My coworker took 3 layover so he could reenter the country before midnight. The man shaved his glorious stache to look like his passport photo at the immigration booth. It was mayhem. We were spooked, but Trump reversed the most egregious policies of the bunch. Thankfully, nothing ever happens. Until it does. A few days later, my brother heard back from his future-employer. They are rescinding the offer. Turns out, they'd been spooked too. Company is stopping all immigrant hires until the smoke clears.
Over August and Sept, I'd told my more-anxious-than-me brother: "You have an offer. They know you and like you. It's signed. They don't have financial issues or lay off risk. You've put off every personal goal for the last decade. Self-actualize a little. Spend time at the gym, do side-projects, try out new things". In hindsight, bad advice. Should've kept clenching. Brother's graduating in a couple of months. Those 2 extra months of prep sure would've come in handy around now. Shit's gonna be tight. Market is unforgiving for immigrant new grads. I think he'll make it, but man do things look bleak. The plural of anecdote is not data. I am definitely overthinking this a little. But man, every time we unclench, a once in a decade event trips us up.
That being said, Eh. It's not that bad. Life is still okay. The H1b issue is culture war rocket fuel in the other motte thread. But, here, it's little more than a narrative device. It could have been any other major crisis. I would have reacted similarly. That sense of lingering regret for not having clenched strongly enough.
I haven't given up yet. Optimism is a choice. It may a take a little more time for things to figure themselves out. But, I'll get there. I hit a pothole, but still on the right track. Breathe in. Breathe out. Back in the ring I go.
P.S: There's a silver lining. I've taken inspiration from our great first-lady, and I'm on track to acquire my permanent residence in America as a mail-order groom. Take a few pounds off me, and I'm decent eye candy, if I say so myself. Infiltrating your great nation and stealing your white women at the same time. Seethe incels. Seethe. :)
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