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PaperclipPerfector  1mo ago (text post)   1143 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for December 10, 2025

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

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My father just got out of a biopsy. It looks like his cancer might be back. They're keeping him for observation overnight, and I'm heading down in the morning if he's physically up for a visit.

I feel adrift. Throughout my life, my father has been one of the only points of stability that I have ever had, and I think he's dying. Every success that I have ever experienced is because I listened to his advice. Even when our relationship has been beset by physical distance, I've always felt that I could rely on him in a way that no one else in my family could offer.

What do you do with a pain so enormous that you can't even feel the edges of it? How can you be there for someone when you don't know what to do?

I was in a similar position in 2015, my dad had a cancer diagnosis, but he responded well to treatment (he decided against the transplant route but it seems to have worked for him) and is still here. But during his treatment, two things helped me the most: seeing the example of how my parents were affected by the loss of each of my grandparents (where they had grief but persevered in life, still keeping their memories alive); and knowing that my dad (and mom) had accomplished everything they wanted to in life (the story I remember it is where they visited the financial advisor who asked if they wanted to take any international trips or leave money to their kids, and they said no not really! [siblings and I are doing really well]). Know that living a full independent life is likely what one of your fathers wishes.

For support and being there, I made sure to be available to visit, and did take him one radiation treatment (a certain Imagine Dragons Song played on the way there), but my parents handled it mostly privately and while I offered support and help I took my cues from them.

What do you do with a pain so enormous that you can't even feel the edges of it?

The idea of pain you can't feel the edges of is familiar. My (then) 5 year old boy almost died once and while he was in the hospital I felt this big gigantic black pit open up inside of me and start draining all of the color out of life. It was a deep, deep feeling of doom I'd never felt before. I can still remember it and get tense. He made a full recovery quickly and I just have a distant memory of this now but if he had died I'm sure that doom would follow me around for a long time. I'd try talking to others about this and seek counsel.

It's probably a little different when it's your father instead of your son, since losing your parents is part of the natural order and losing your kids is not, But I just wanted to just get across that I felt something like this too and you're not alone.

How can you be there for someone when you don't know what to do?

I don't really know. But if it were me that was dying and my son had to watch, I would expect to see him feeling sad and vulnerable but also hope to see signs that he'll be fine without me. That the things I taught him prepared him well for life and that my missteps will be forgotten (or at least understood), that he will miss me and remember me fondly.

I can tell you what not to do, from experience. Don't become a functional alcoholic, and don't start sticking your dick in crazy. And oh, is crazy gonna be all over you. They can smell your vulnerability, and it excites them thinking of all the shit they'll put you through that they know you'll take in your fragile state.

I didn't have it at the time, but I've found church helpful dealing with stressors later in life. Funnily enough I remember walking past a church after my father died and thinking to myself "I never believed in it before, why start now?" But eventually life brought me even lower and I found great comfort in going to mass every Sunday.

Regular exercise also helped. Join a place with some community, like a martial arts school. Something with regular classes and a regular roster.

I am very sorry to hear of your troubles. I suggest that you:

  • Take things one moment at a time. Do what you can do in the moment, without considering the big picture, and do not dwell on what you can't do.
  • Be there for him physically. If you get on, then the emotional side will take care of itself.
  • Focus on the things that it will comfort you to have done for him when you are looking back.

My best wishes for you and your family.

I appreciate it, Internet stranger.

I know writing here is just screaming into the void in some ways, but sometimes you need to do that to even know what you're feeling.

There has been much talk about Ariana Grande's sudden transformation after working on Wicked into a skeleton with very disturbing public behavior. While I cannot comment on the apparent Semaglutide addiction, the behavior is so similar to the way members of Rise behave toward each other that I find it highly plausible that someone in production for Wicked paid for a workshop from either Rise or one of their ideological sibling LGATs for the cast. In particular, the observation that their are some similarities to behavior on MDMA also tracks, since these groups boast that they can induce MDMA-like experiences without requiring drugs.

I at least take solice in the fact that the children I've seen associated with Rise don't seem to be as affected as their parents.

What is Rise? I got nothing out of their website and asking chatgpt just regurgitated the website.

Legally not a cult. But also kinda like 73.3% a cult. Run by a fading Mexican hippy in Salt Lake City area, the website is only marginally less coherent than their actual workshops. I attended 1 and a day of another to support a friend who is deep in their koolaid. The only emotion the leader showed was when he was talking about how inspiring Mr. Beast is. Lots of NLP, group intense emotional experiences, mystical jargon, excessiv use of eyecctact and physical affection to brute-force emotional experiences, lots of talk about one's inner child, god-self, manifesting, ... just fill in the blanks with random culty mystical stuff, and watch some of the Ariana Grande clips people have been reacting to, and put it in a room with music and an old guy facilitating. I have a short clip from the workshop I was at, but it doesn't include much that'd support my claims.

How it started:

"The common advice to arrive at the airport two hours early is outdated. Modern airports push through more people in less time. Airport security just isn't that slow anymore. You can arrive with much less spare time and you'll be fine."

How it's going:

"United airlines rerouted my luggage onto a different flight that arrives two hours after I need it. It's incredible how unreliable United is, between delays, lost luggage, and completely ruining trips."

Protip - You have the capability to walk yourself from check-in to the gate and onto the plane. Your luggage does not have this capability.

It doesn't sound like arriving at the airport two hours early would have helped the situation.

Anyway, carryonchads rise up.

Crazy, he tried that with checked luggage? I nodded my head along, because this is very low risk - as long as you only bring a carry-on and are willing to run with it.

Does anybody have any good suggestions for staying warm while sedentary indoors? I've lost a lot of weight and the cold is starting to wear on me.

I'm wearing synthetic base layer bottoms, then either a synthetic or wool base layer top. Socks are thick insulated winter socks. On top of that I'm wearing something like a Henley and trousers and a hoodie. I'll frequently wear a neck gaiter and slippers as well.

I'm mostly running into issues with my legs.

Scrap the synthetics in favor of more wool. Prefer thicker individual articles over layering - too many layers aren't good for blood flow. But having two is a good sweet spot for that air gap. Get some wool long johns and the thickest wool sweater and wool pants combo you can find. Make sure the sweater fits well and and closes snugly around the neck, wrists and hips.

Then just pour in hot tea until you reach a tolerable temperature.

Man I hate being cold.

But yeah, nothing beats physical activity.

I concur with @bolido_sentimental. A hot water bottle is cheap, and somehow comforting and cozy in a way that just keeping the room at 21C isn't. I suggesting getting an extra and using it to warm your bed for a couple of hours before you sleep.

Don't underestimate the classic hot water bottle. A very Lindy solution.

What does Lindy mean? I tried to google it once, and got some odd line dancing technique.

More or less, just "time tested."

Probably the Taleb sense, though the term is much older. The slightly self-aggrandizing version from Taleb:

I [Taleb] suggested the boundary perishable/nonperishable and he [Mandelbrot] agreed that the nonperishable would be power-law distributed while the perishable (the initial Lindy story) worked as a mere metaphor."

As a fellow Siberian: put an electric blanket on your chair. A gamechanger in comfort for a fraction of the energy it would take to heat up the whole place. If your blood circulation is good, it doesn't matter if it doesn't directly warm your legs.

Besides what everybody else has said already, I'd like to add that cold tolerance can be trained by exposure. If you currently go running/lifting, try going very lightly clothed (and move the activity outside, if your gym is heated). I find doing the exposure like this is much more comfortable than doing exposure while sedentary (which also works).

If you're highly motivated, you can add ice baths. Those get massively easier with exposure, too, and the adaption carries over to some degree. I recommend doing them in a rive, lake or the sea together with friends, that makes them at least type II fun...

If you don't want any more cold exposure in your life, I'd recommend keeping especially hands and feet warm. There's really nice lamb fur slippers and wool gloves for indoor use.

I do make sure that I do at least 30 minutes of moderate outdoor activity every day unless the rain or snow are too bad, and my basement where I lift or hit the bike sits around 56 degrees this time if year.

If I'm active, I'm fine for about 46 - 60 minutes after I sit down again. Unfortunately I'm a desk jockey for a living, so I have to stay sedentary during the day for longer than I'd like.

Heat your damn place. The question is absurd. You're keeping it way too cold and asking how to be warmer.

This has never been a problem before in my life.

Maybe I just need to get fat again.

Don't listen to them. Turn the thermostat down even lower and search for deranged penny-pincher techniques to tolerate the freeze.

Let the dadness flow through you.

Sounds plausible as the ${CurrentYear} meta for dadmaxxing.

In recent past decades in various countries the dad meta was letting the house run hot and rambling about how airconditioning was a luxury, and how acclimating with the heat builds character.

I could see how the current dad meta would be to run the house cold, especially as a preemptive way to curb daughter outfit thottery (to the extent possible within one’s household).

True dadmaxxing is living somewhere with seasons that let you do both.

No AC in summer, no heat in winter. Any children that make it out alive will be wolves among men.

Bro just heat your house. It's not rocket surgery. The house is cold, therefore you are cold.

Based

t. keeps his mother's-basement bedroom at 78 degrees and wears one layer while his insane mother keeps the rest of the house at 68 degrees and wears two or three layers (including a hat)

t. keeps his mother's-basement bedroom at 78 degrees and wears one layer

Getting dangerously close to being a literal lizardperson like Taylor Lorenz.

Are you in a Siberian prison? Sounds like you've got more than enough clothing on. I'd try to increase the (effective) temperature in the room. If that's not possible, look up heat generating body movements/exercises. If you're relatively tuned into your mind and its powers you can generate heat mentally and move it throughout your body too.

Yeah OP can check out Tummo. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tummo

I've been considering buying a pair of these but haven't justified the price.

https://www.glerups.com/products/the-boot-with-natural-rubber-sole-honey-cranberry

Thanks for the link. I need some new slippers, and some colors of the shoes (not boots) with leather soles are on sale for $79. Might as well try them.

You should report back, I wonder if they are as warm as they look.

I have bad circulation and get cold easily. Extremities are worst affected.

It's obvious, but drink hot tea. Once the core heats up, the rest of the body catches up real fast.

How cold is your house??

If you don't want to go full parka, then get a blanket (possibly heated) and drink tea. There's also a surprising amount of difference between sitting on a fuzzy couch and sitting on a chair.

I keep it at 61 during the day and 55 at night. Usually that's fine, but there are some spots where the heat just radiates through the walls

That's decently cool. If you don't want to turn up the thermostat (understandable in a drafty expensive to heat house), just go for the heated blanket.

It takes a very small amount of direct active heating to make huge difference. It shouldn't get in the way if your legs are the main problem, even if at a desk/computer. In some limited applications a heated chair pad or parabolic radiant heat dish might be better, i.e. your desk chair is getting tangled in blankets or you work standing at your desk.

What’s the fire risk like for a heated blanket?

Low - they typically use resistance heating elements that cannot thermally runaway because they become more resistive the hotter they get, they are manufactured from flame-retardant material, and have integral overcurrent detection and/or GFI sensors to prevent short-circuits. Since the heating elements are directly against the body, they don't get all that hot.

I would also suggest a fleece or flannel hooded-cloak-style bathrobe. These can be worn over clothes and are effectively a wearable blanket. The long cloak-length ones should cover your legs.

Been lifting consistently the last few months and I feel amazing. The key for me to stick with it was just make it dead easy. I do two sessions a week for forty five mins each, full time leaving home and coming back is one hour.

Just do a basic whole body workout both times, no fancy splits or rotations. Plus 15 mins of cardio per day.

Heard Nassim Taleb say once the biggest mistake people make is working out for too long, and I totally agree. Makes way more sense to do a basic routine that’s consistent and makes you feel good.

Heard Nassim Taleb say once the biggest mistake people make is working out for too long

My old strength coach used to tell me that you don't get stronger when you lift - you get stronger that night when you're sleeping. There's probably a lot of conceptual overlap there

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