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PaperclipPerfector
3hr ago
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Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.
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Item 0 of 7
Jarvis, I'm low on karma. After a six-month lapse, I can't resist resuming the posting of interesting and funny court opinions.
All opinions will also be posted on this external page. Opinions likely to trigger whining will be posted only on the external page. (Maybe I'll finally stop being too lazy to update my website's RSS feed.)
Item 1 of 7
A prison guard is accused of smuggling a can of chewing tobacco into the prison. However, the prosecutor charges him under the wrong law! Title 61 section 5902(d) bans the smuggling of tobacco—but instead the officer is charged with violating title 18 section 5123(c) and title 61 section 5902(a), which ban the smuggling of poison.
The prosecutor attempts to save the situation by bringing in a toxicology expert to argue that a can of chewing tobacco counts as poison, since it technically contains enough nicotine to kill a human if the nicotine is extracted from the tobacco and injected into the human. But the trial judge is unpersuaded and dismisses the case, since (1) there is no evidence that the inmate for whom the guard was smuggling the tobacco had any plans to extract the nicotine and use it as a poison, and (2) this line of reasoning would lead to absurd results like criminalizing the delivery of toothpaste and water. The appeals panel affirms.
Item 2 of 7
In year 1993, a company (1) buys a lot in order to build a Dunkin Donuts restaurant on it, and (2) leases a 30-year easement over a 20-foot strip of a second, adjacent lot in order to build a drivethrough.
In year 2023, the easement expires. The company sues the owner of the adjacent lot to extend the easement. Its arguments: (1) The actual intended duration of the easement is, not 30 years, but however long a Dunkin Donuts restaurant exists on the first lot. (2) If the easement is not extended, then the company will experience a hardship from having to tear out a chunk of its restaurant to make room for a drivethrough on its own property. The owner of the adjacent lot countersues for trespass, since the drivethrough still is operating even though the lease has expired.
The trial judge finds the company's arguments unpersuasive, rejects its attempts to extend the easement, and grants trespass damages of 1 k$/mo to the owner of the adjacent lot. (1) The easement says "30 years". If you wanted to make it "for as long as a Dunkin Donuts restaurant is present", you could have done that—but you didn't. (2) This is a hardship of your own creation. The appeals panel affirms.
Item 3 of 7
A person's house is assessed at "market value" of 194 k$. The county govt. seizes it over 2 k$ of unpaid property taxes, sells it at auction for 76 k$, and returns the excess 74 k$ to the person. The person sues the county, claiming that he should have gotten 192 k$ (assessed value minus tax delinquency) rather than 74 k$ (auction proceeds minus tax delinquency).
The trial judge, the appeals panel, and the federal Supreme Court reject this argument. If the auction was conducted in a fair manner, then by definition it revealed the true "market value", and using the speculative assessor valuation instead would be unreasonable. However, the Supreme Court remands for the appeals panel to check whether the auction actually was conducted in a fair manner, especially since the company that bought the property at auction sold it again for 195 k$ just a year and a half later.
Item 4 of 7
In year 1995, by constitutional amendment, New Jersey creates the "Council on Local Mandates", a pseudo-court empowered to strike down any unfunded mandate imposed by the state govt. on local govts.
In year 2014, the state govt. enacts a law (1) requiring municipal govts. to equip their police cars with dash cameras and (2) adding to each drunk-driving conviction a 25-dollar surcharge allocated to pay for the cameras. A municipal govt. challenges this law before the Council on Local Mandates, alleging that it is an unfunded mandate, since the 25-dollar surcharge suffices to pay for only six percent of the cost of the cameras. In year 2016, the Council agrees with the municipal govt. and rules that the law is unconstitutional.
In year 2021, a class-action lawsuit alleges that municipal govts. still are collecting the 25-dollar surcharge even though the Council ruled it unconstitutional. In response, the municipal govts. argue that the Council was empowered to strike down only the unfunded mandate itself (part 1 of the law), not the inadequate funding mechanism attached to the mandate, which has purposes other than attempting to fund the unconstitutional mandate (punishing offenders and raising revenue). The trial judge agrees with this argument and rules that municipal govts. are justified in continuing to collect the 25-dollar surcharge. The appeals panel (in year 2024) and the state supreme court (in year 2026) affirm.
Item 5 of 7
[Court opinion censored due to mention of child abuse; external link]
Item 6 of 7
A drunk woman jaywalks across a four-lane, 50-mi/h road at night. An eastbound motorist swerves around her. A westbound motorist does not notice the eastbound swerve, and hits the jaywalker, killing her.
The jaywalker's daughter sues the motorist for wrongful death. She hires an expert (a "traffic-accident reconstructionist") who claims that, if the motorist had noticed the eastbound swerve, then he would have had time to notice and avoid the jaywalker.
The trial judge dismisses the lawsuit, and the appeals panel affirms. The expert's report is not sufficient to support liability. He did not say that the motorist should have seen the eastbound swerve and slowed down out of caution (so he was negligent in failing to see it), or that his headlights should have allowed him to see and avoid the jaywalker (so he was negligent in failing to see her). Rather, the expert based his conclusion on a hypothetical situation ("if the motorist had noticed the eastbound swerve") that the motorist explicitly denied in his unchallenged testimony (he didn't notice any swerving cars). Therefore, there is no reason to think that the motorist was negligent. "Plaintiff failed to present any competent evidence that defendant could have, would have, or should have seen the swerve."
Item 7 of 7
[Court opinion censored due to mention of child abuse; external link]
God, those censored cases are so fucked up. Still I like reading them, as a form of very black comedy.
How did item 7 keep getting off with 6 months of jail for this?
I assume that the lenient sentences are due to the offender's (1) being only barely outside the crime's four-year Romeo-and-Juliet margin and (2) pleading guilty rather than going to trial.
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What is the most fun you've had with fireworks?
My fondest memory of a fireworks show was in Maryland, it was just local people along a river inlet. They went a bit crazy trying to out do each other. We were basically right under the fireworks along the river bank, while they were launched from a barge about 50 feet out in the water. The explosions were close enough to smell and feel.
Nothing compares to the fun and joy of being a kid let loose with small explosives. We'd blow up various toys, make battlefields in our sandbox where we blew up the sand (the smoking craters were a cool effect). Smokebombs were always super fun, especially when the smoke was partially unleashed into hollow dark areas (like rotten logs, or snake holes). We unleashed so many bottle rocks.
Best fireworks show was when I was down in florida for 4th of july. We had been at disney world to see the fireworks, but the rain kept delaying the start. We eventually gave up and were driving home. But the rain cleared while we were on the highways, and we pulled over as there was a clear view for miles around us as the various parks in the area all unleashed their fireworks at the same time.
Favorite fireworks video was a flyover of LA on july 4th 2020. Felt like the whole city had pent up energy from covid and just decided to unleash it all. Maybe it looks like that normally, I wouldn't know. But it felt great seeing that at the time.
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Video game thread
What are you playing these days?
I will be playing through Half-Life soon. I noticed I didn't have it in my Steam library so I picked up the Anthology bundle for a couple of dollars. Only a couple of years have passed since the last time I played HL, but for some reason I'm drawn to it again. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Still waiting for a reasonably priced 5120x2160, 39 inch ultrawide monitor to show up. I'm sort of holding off on some games until I can upgrade my monitor. Some games aren't well suited for playing on the TV.
Following last week's discussion on Darktide, I reactivated my gaming buddies and we actually played a few rounds yesterday.
It was okay. I like the changes they made to the game, regarding the progression and gear. Getting away from pure RNG and letting players tweak their equipment relatively freely feels good.
But at the same time I find the game a little too fast-paced for my liking, and the missions drag on for far too long. I found myself quite tired very quickly.
And the more narrative elements they add, the more I dislike the writing. Of course it's all very woke, the devs being Swedish, and at times it can be funny to entertain the idea that actually, the Imperium's famous right-wing aesthetics and philosophies are all really nothing but propaganda and the non-noble baseline human population is overwhelmingly 21th-century progressive leftists, but in the end it's more grating than anything.
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The early access scene is looking remarkably healthy these days. Subnautica 2 and Slay the Spire 2 have released to widespread audience acclaim. The gamers who insist on being patient and waiting until release are clearly in the minority. While Slay the Spire 2 is very close to feature complete, Subnautica 2 still needs a lot of time in the oven to really live up to expectations.
While chapter based releases have seemingly fallen out of fashion, Deltarune shows this model can still work. While the most recent chapter did not quite live up to the insane hype, Steam reviews are still overwhelmingly positive. I imagine it helps that you only pay for the game once instead of for every chapter individually. With how well the game has sold already, it surprises me a bit that Toby Fox has not just decided to take the money and run. Continued development is a sign of clear passion from the developers who must be driven in large part by intrinsic desire to finish the game, even though they have already earned most of the money it is likely to earn them.
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Genuine question since I haven't played the first half life game. Is Half-life good by modern gameplay standards? Or is it one of those games that was great for its time and era but feels dated now?
IMO it's still good. I don't play anything purely for nostalgia vibes. If you like old school FPSes at all, you'll probably have fun with it.
One of the things I still value about it is that it is "no BS". You don't have to deal with listening to shitty characters in cutscenes or anything. There are no cutscenes. It's all in first person mode from start to finish.
It has lowres and lowpoly graphics, of course, but it was well designed artistically. You can find pretty good graphics mods for HL1 and HL2 to increase the texture resolutions.
The gunplay is good. It's very satisfying to unload on an alien with a double barrel shotgun blast, or to fire the big shiny revolver that does high damage and has pinpoint accuracy. I like how they don't let themselves get stuck to realism needlessly. The sound design is great.
The main downside with the game is that the second half, and especially final part of the game is far less good than the first half. The level design takes a nosedive at times. But I don't remember myself or anyone else feeling really let down by the game at the end. It doesn't stick the landing, but you still look back at a great experience. The whole setup, universe, design, and first half of the game is so damn good. Especially for its time. So there might be a little bit of "goodwill" involved due to remembering how the rest of the game scene was in 1998. Valve made huge strides with both HL1 and HL2 and the Source engine.
One decision to make is whether to play the original, or the third party remake Black Mesa. The latter looks a lot more modern, but they had scope creep going on. And, very annoyingly for me, you can't disable their mouse acceleration. They force you to have a slow mouse for minor movements and a fast movement for major movements.
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